Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Page #8

EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS - NIGHT

MUSIC PUMPS OUT. CRUISING IN THE RED SHARK IN VEGAS. THE

SKY SWIRLS WITH MILLIONS OF NEON LIGHTS CHASING EACH OTHER

IN BAROQUE PATTERNS ACROSS GIGANTIC HOTEL SIGNS. PSYCHEDELIC

LIGHT SHOWS TO LURE AND DERANGE THE INNOCENT. CITY OF LOST

SOULS.

30.

DUKE:

Turn up the radio! Turn up the

tape machine! Roll the windows

down. Let's taste this cool desert

wind! Aaah, yes! This is what

it's all about!

DUKE, beer in hand, drives -- a big smile for the world.

GONZO scans The Vegas Visitor.

DUKE (V/O)

Total control now. Tooling along

the main drag on a Saturday night

in Vegas, two good old boys in a

fire apple red convertible...

stoned, ripped, twisted... Good

people!

GONZO:

How about "Nickel Nick's Slot

Arcade?" "Hot Slots," that sounds

heavy. Twenty-nine cent hotdogs...

DUKE:

Look, what are we doing here? Are

we here to entertain ourselves, or

to do the job?

GONZO:

To do the job, of course. Here we

go... a Crab Louie and quart of

muscatel for twenty dollars!

The Shark hits a bump.

GONZO:

As your attorney I advise you to

drive over to the Tropicana and

pick up on Guy Lombardo. He's in

the Blue Room with his Royal

Canadians.

They hit another bump.

DUKE:

Why?

GONZO:

Why what?

CUT to wide shot. They are DRIVING AROUND IN CIRCLES in a

large casino parking lot, bumping over the dividers.

31.

DUKE:

Why should I pay out my hard-earned

dollars to watch a f***ing corpse.

I don't know about you, but in my

line of business it's important to

be Hep.

EXT. DESERT ROOM HOTEL - NIGHT

TWO BIG SCREAMING FACES.

DOORMAN #1

What the hell are you doing?!

DOORMAN #2

You can't park here!

DUKE:

Why not? Is this not a reasonable

place to park?

Reveal the RED SHARK parked on the sidewalk in front of the

Desert Inn. TWO DOORMEN loom over the car hood. The

MARQUEE says:
TONIGHT. DEBBIE REYNOLDS.

GONZO leaps from the car, waving a five-dollar bill at the

DOORMAN.

GONZO:

We want this car parked! We drove

all the way from L.A. for this show.

We're friends of Debbie's.

A pause, then... the DOORMAN pockets the bill, hands them a

parking stub. DUKE and GONZO hurry into the hotel.

INT. DESERT FROM HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

DUKE and GONZO walk through the lobby. Black, mirrored,

sleek, classy.

DUKE:

Holy sh*t! They almost had us

there! That was quick thinking.

GONZO:

What do you expect? I'm your

attorney. You owe me five bucks.

I want it now.

DUKE shrugs and hands over the $5.

32.

DUKE (V/O)

This was Bob Hope's turf. Frank

Sinatra's. Spiro Agnew's. It

seemed inappropriate to be haggling

about nickel/dime bribes for the

parking lot attendant.

A WINE-COLORED TUXEDO stops them at the entrance to the

ballroom.

WINE-COLORED TUXEDO

Sorry, full house.

GONZO:

Goddamnit, we drove all the way

from L.A.

WINE-COLORED TUXEDO

I said there are no seats left...

at any price.

GONZO:

F*** seats! We're old friends of

Debbie's. I used to romp with her.

GONZO and the WINE-COLORED TUXEDO get into an ugly arm-

waving negotiation.

DUKE (V/O)

After a lot of bad noise, he let us

in for nothing provided we would

stand quietly at the back and not

smoke.

As DUKE and GONZO disappear through the door we can hear the

orchestra blasting out a HIGHLY BLANDIZED "SGT. PEPPER'S

LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND."

A beat.

The door flies open and BOUNCERS manhandle DUKE and GONZO

out. Despite the rough treatment they're both SCREECHING

WITH LAUGHTER.

GONZO:

Jesus creeping sh*t!

DUKE:

(tears streaming)

Did the mescaline just kick in? Or

was that Debbie Reynolds in a

silver Afro wig?!

33.

GONZO:

(in hysteria)

We wandered into a f***ing time

capsule!

EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS - NIGHT

DUKE DRIVES FAST into the night. They're both LAUGHING

HYSTERICALLY.

DUKE:

(in hysteria)

We wandered into a f***ing time

capsule!

THEN... GONZO finds a TINY TEAR IN HIS JACKET...

GONZO:

What's this?...

GONZO is instantly MOROSE.

GONZO:

That scum...

GONZO twists round in the car -- SCREAMS back into the night.

GONZO:

SCUM! I know where you live! I'll

find you and burn down your f***ing

house!

EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS - NIGHT

A hundred foot high neon clown: BAZOOKO CIRCUS.

The RED SHARK pulls up beneath the sign.

DUKE:

This is the place. They'll never

f*** with us here.

GONZO:

Where's the ether? This mescaline

isn't working.

EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO - NIGHT

Into the GLARING, CHASING LIGHTS of the entrance canopy

steps DUKE in EC/U holding a KLEENEX SOAKED IN ETHER TO HIS

NOSE.

34.

DUKE (V/O)

Ah, devil ether. It makes you

behave like the village drunkard in

some early Irish novel... total

loss of all basic motor skills;

blurred vision, no balance, numb

tongue --

(throws away kleenex)

The mind recoils in horror, unable

to communicate with the spinal

column. Which is interesting,

because you can actually watch

yourself behaving in this terrible

way, but you can't control it.

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