Fear Strikes Out Page #5

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if you want me to.

Hello, Jim Piersall.

How are you this morning?

Getting used to these sessions?

Got a letter.

Anything interesting?

Yes. A picture of my baby... Eileen.

Pretty little thing, isn't she?

You know, Jim, she's got your eyes.

My wife says she has my appetite.

I bet her grandma takes care of that.

Your mom's quite a cook, isn't she?

Yeah.

When I was a kid,

I couldn't get home from

school fast enough.

Pretty good pals, you and your mom.

We were a regular team.

We did laundry, you know.

And, I'd pour the hot

water over it, and...

I remember once when I was a kid...

She was away a lot.

And then your father took care of you.

Yeah. We were

a regular team, too.

We'd... play baseball all the time.

You were happy with your father?

Sure.

He's a wonderful man.

Well, when I won a big game or something,

nothing was too good for me.

How about when you lost?

No. I didn't lose.

You mean, you won every game you played?

No. I mean, you don't win every game.

I lost sometimes.

What happened then?

What did they say, Mary?

Can we see him?

No.

Why can't I see my own son?

Dad, Dr. Brown

is doing all he can.

We've got to go along...

There must be something I can do.

I know Jim.

He's up there alone with strangers.

If they'd just give me a minute with him,

I know I could help that boy.

Dad, we've got to leave that to Dr.

Brown.

You know the rule in these sessions, Jim.

This time is yours.

You don't have to say a thing.

But if anything's on your mind...

Look... I like you, doc,

but I don't think we're getting anywhere

with this thing.

It's just going to be like last week

and the week before.

Well, since we have to spend

this hour together anyway...

how about watching the ballgame?

It's been a long time

since you've seen a ballgame, hasn't it?

High curve.

The ball's going into right field

and it's...

foul by inches.

It's a long belt

down the left field line.

It's a hit!

Make your turn.

A stand-up double.

Go to third.

He reached second fine.

But he should have gone on to third.

He played it safe.

Don't make me laugh.

Say, he made a mistake.

He should have gone to third.

If I'd done something like that,

Dad would've made my life miserable.

How, Jim?

Well, you know, doc, he would've...

I don't know, not talk

to me or something.

That would have been pretty tough?

Yeah, but... he's my father,

and I wanted to do good for him.

I owe him something, don't I?

You have a little girl, Jim.

Would you like her

feeling she owed you something?

Look, doc. Let me get

you something straight.

I love my Dad.

He's the biggest thing in my life.

He kept me in line.

If it hadn't been for him...

Pushing me, driving me...

I wouldn't be where I am today.

Hello, doctor.

How are you,

Mr. Piersall?

Mary tells me Jim's feeling better.

There's been considerable

improvement, yes.

Good.

Sit down.

Well, I...

I want to apologize for

busting in on you.

And...

we appreciate

everything you've done for Jim very much.

But now that he's feeling better,

isn't it about time he came home?

Well, no.

It's not that simple.

Physically, Jim's getting back to normal,

but he's not nearly ready to go home.

When will he be ready?

I can't tell.

Do you know what they're saying?

He'll never be ready.

"That mental institution looks like

it will be Jim Piersall's

permanent address."

That's not true.

Three million readers think it is.

Every day you keep him here

makes it harder for him to come back.

Mr. Piersall,

Jim has been sick.

Mental illness is no different

from any other kind.

Try telling that to the people outside!

You let my boy come home.

I'm sorry. It's out

of the question.

Jim is coming home,

even if I have to go to the papers

and the ball club about it.

Mr. Piersall, Jim is my

patient, my responsibility.

He's making progress here,

and I won't have that interrupted.

Why not ask Jim how he feels about it?

Jim isn't ready to talk to you

or even see you.

I'm sorry,

Mr. Piersall.

It's me, Jim.

You know they tried to

keep me out of here?

Fat chance.

How are you, boy?

You know, I was... I was telling the doc,

what's the sense in hanging around here

when your family can give

you everything you need?

Come on, Jim.

You stick around here,

and they'll make you an invalid for life.

We know that, don't we?

We got to fight this thing, Jim.

Just fight it!

Start feeling sorry for

yourself, and you're through.

You know that's what the

sportswriters are saying,

that you're through?

That you're washed up.

You'll never play again.

You put your things together

and go down there and tell that doc

that we got to get back

so we can tell them we're not washed up!

You just listen to me, Jim.

We can still make it.

No, Dad.

It won't work anymore.

I... I can't make it.

It's all right, Jim.

You're OK.

I'm trying, Dad.

I'm really trying,

but it takes everything I got.

Jim, listen to me.

Dad, please.

Listen to me now.

You've always listened

to me, haven't you?

Haven't you?

All my life

I've been splitting my gut to please you,

and I never could.

No matter what I do, it's not enough.

Dad... you're killing me.

No. I'm trying

to help you.

No, you're not!

You don't care about me.

You never gave a damn.

"Win, Jimmy, win."

That's all you ever cared about.

You've been killing me for

years, and it's too much.

I can't give you any more.

I've got nothing left to give.

Now, get out of here.

Get away from me.

Go on.

Get away from me.

Get away from me!

Get out!

Get that guy out of here!

Get him out!

Jim, Jim, Jim.

I wanted to kill him.

But you didn't, Jimmy.

Everyone... all of us,

we have irrational impulses.

It takes a sane man to control them.

Help me.

Help me.

Help me.

Help me.

All right, Jimmy.

I'll... I'll try

to help you.

You wanted to hurt your father.

There was a reason.

You know the reason.

You know the reason, Jim.

What it is... tell him no!

Tell him I couldn't... I couldn't do it.

Tell him I couldn't.

I wanted to say no for all the...

Every time that he wanted

me to do something,

and he wouldn't let me say no.

You couldn't satisfy that man.

I couldn't satisfy him.

He wanted good things for me...

big league baseball and big money.

It was for me he wanted that.

He's a good man, doc.

Yes, he is.

He didn't want to hurt me.

No.

Jimmy, your father had his dreams.

He wanted you to make them come true.

But it didn't work.

It never does.

You had dreams of your own,

needs of your own.

You couldn't go on living

out someone else's dreams.

I can't ever see him again.

What will I ever say to him?

When you're ready to see him,

you'll know what to say.

What about baseball?

What will I do?

Well, that's up to you, Jimmy.

Do you want to be a ballplayer?

Is that what you want,

to be a ballplayer?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I don't know

if I can. There's...

Everybody... knows about

me, where I've been.

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