Feast Page #22

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Bartender uneasily chuckles.

BARTENDER:

I'd love to be macho, but this is a

pants wetter from all angles.

ROADIE:

The door... on three.

Roadie and Heroine raise their weapons. Bartender slowly

opens the lock.

ROADIE:

One... two... three!!!

Bartender whips open the door. Nothing.

BANG-GONG-GONG! Some pipes CRASH to the ground next to them...

they jump, but nothing is there.

A little MOUSE emerges from the fallen heap.

GOOD GUY:

Well, look at that.

Good Guy leans down and puts out his hand.

FROM LOW ANGLE, we see Good Guy's smiling face, Heroine

watching over his shoulder, and Teen Beast holding onto THE

CEILING ABOVE THEM.

GOOD GUY:

Hey, little fella.

Heroine moves past him.

HEROINE:

Let's go.

GOOD GUY:

(to mouse)

She's not very nice, is she?

He leaves the mouse and follows Heroine to the tunnel.

SLURP! A pink tongue LASSOS the mouse.

ANGLE ON:

A red fluorescent glow radiates from the tunnel.

They all drop into the tunnel, one by one. Bartender, Roadie,

Heroine, Beer Guy, Good Guy and Goldie enter the steamy,

confined, space.

GOLDIE:

Yeah, this looks good. Real safe.

BARTENDER:

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh.

INT. TUNNEL -- CONTINUOUS

The tunnel is thin and no more than SIX FEET HIGH. Cherry

red fluorescent lights line the top of the tunnel and knee

high marijuana plants are along the ground soil.

There are small pipes above the plants that seem to be a

makeshift misting water system.

GOOD GUY:

Nice set-up.

BARTENDER:

A bit of heat and a sprinkler...

viola, hash heaven.

There is about six inches of water on the floor.

Roadie leads the way and glares at the opposite end. The

tunnel slightly curves, so he can't see the whole way down.

ROADIE:

Looks clear.

He moves forward and the rest drop in behind him.

GOLDIE:

You sure?

Roadie doesn't answer as he cautiously moves forward.

They proceed.

GOOD GUY:

Ha-Sheesh, there's a lot of smoke

here.

GOLDIE:

(to Bartender)

Your boss must do pretty well.

BARTENDER:

He hasn't been able to really perfect

it yet. Either he waters them too

much or he cooks them with the lamps.

I told him --

Suddenly, there is a sharp NOISE.

BEER GUY:

F***!

GOOD GUY:

Crap!

They stop.

The marijuana plants start to SHIFT and sway a few yards

ahead.

The group is frozen.

GOLDIE:

Oh no. Oh no. Oh please...

The plants bend toward them.

Closer and closer.

ROADIE:

Shut up!

Closer-closer-closer.

Roadie, Heroine, and Bartender bite their lips and lean in

for the kill.

Beer Guy holds still.

Goldie holds up a kitchen knife and shuts his eyes.

Closer-closer-closer. The plants part.

ROADIE:

NOW!

KAB-LAM! KAB-LAM!! The guns fire.

HEROINE:

Hold it!

ROADIE:

Whoa!

BARTENDER:

We got it!

The smoke settles.

ROADIE:

Ohhh.

BARTENDER:

What?

ROADIE:

Look.

Bartender looks over Roadie's and Heroine's shoulders.

HEROINE:

We just smeared a skunk.

BARTENDER:

Sh*t!

Good Guy waves the air by his face.

GOOD GUY:

Oh lord, that is wretched.

They all wave the air.

ROADIE:

Oh that's awful!

Roadie holds up his hand and moves forward.

GOLDIE:

(hushed)

Let's go back.

GOOD GUY:

Okay.

BEER GUY:

We gotta be close.

HEROINE:

What?

GOLDIE:

We just made enough noise for all

those things to hear us!

ROADIE:

No way. Not yet.

BARTENDER:

It's a little bit farther.

GOOD GUY:

Bad, bad idea. This is getting

reeeaalllly lousy.

Roadie holds his finger to his mouth and crouches. He tries

to see around the curved tunnel. Nothing there.

He stands and waves the group forward.

ROADIE:

It's nothing.

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