Feast of Love Page #2

Classical, in fact, like Romeo and Juliet.

They laid eyes on each other

and their fates were sealed.

Life will never be the same

for either one of them again.

Now, don't you go

falling in love at first sight.

Too late, my dear. I already did.

Did you talk to the dean today?

If you're going to go back

to teaching next semester,

you've got to let him know.

Esther...

I'm aware of that.

(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING ON STEREO)

You know how every relationship has, like,

a perfect day?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

It's just this day

and you look back years later

and it stands out from all the rest,

you know?

Not because you won the lottery

or anything, just...

Just an average day, but somehow...

You know, perfect.

Today's like that.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Excuse me. Hey. Hello.

(WHISPERING) Yeah, I know. Me too.

This should be interesting.

- Please, Aggie.

- Bradley.

I only need you to keep him till Friday,

Kathryn's birthday.

- Kathryn is scared of dogs.

- Not anymore.

- I took her to the pound.

- But...

Besides, isn't that

what relationships are all about?

Overcoming your deepest fears?

- His name is Bradley Jr.

- Did you think of that one all by yourself?

No, smartass.

Billy, your Uncle Bradley's here!

He brought along a friend.

- I'm gonna miss you. Here you go.

- Oh, God. Oh, God.

- Only until Friday.

- Yeah.

He likes you.

Well, would you look at that?

They have completely moved out,

hammock and everything.

You never heard such screaming.

The movers told them to shut the hell up

or they'd throw

all their things in the street.

Remember when they first moved in here?

I said I'd never seen a happier couple.

What did I tell you?

It's the house. It's cursed.

Houses aren't cursed, now. People are.

You're a jock, huh?

I used to be.

That was a long time ago.

That's my mom.

She took off when I was in junior high.

Bat drove her away.

- Bat?

- My dad. His name's Bathold.

People call him the Bat, so that ought

to tell you something, right?

Yeah, he blows up tree stumps for a living.

Then he comes home,

thinks about my mom,

and gets shitfaced.

Yours?

Yeah.

My mom gave it to me when I was a kid.

Do you sleep with him?

Yeah. What? Is that bad?

He's a great little spoon.

Ex-jock druggie

who still has a teddy bear?

Nothing hotter than that.

And what makes you think I'm a druggie?

Pisces, Virgo rising.

What was it? Coke?

E?

Heroin?

Sure, why not?

So, why'd you quit?

What makes you think I quit?

Oh, right. Pisces, Virgo rising.

Very good.

I had this dream one night

while I was wasted.

There was this African monkey

whispering all this creepy sh*t in my ear.

He said that if I didn't get clean

I was gonna die young,

OD in an alleyway on a pile of garbage.

And that morning I woke up

and I went to my first meeting.

It was seven months and two weeks ago.

I can prove it. I got my six-month chip.

Cool.

It doesn't scare you?

Most junkies, you know,

even if they never use again,

it doesn't matter. It's too late.

They're just gone,

you know, permanent zombies.

But then there's junkies where

all the horrible places they've been,

all the horrible sh*t they've done,

the fact that they come back from it

makes them better people

than if they'd never used in the first place.

That's you.

Hey, where's the little girl's room?

Across the hall.

Okay.

(GASPS)

Oh, sh*t!

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Oscar! Goddamn it!

You get that girl out of your room, Oscar!

Get the f*** away!

BAT:
You do it right now, damn it!

Do you hear me?

I should have warned you.

I didn't think he'd be back this early.

BAT:
Oscar! I ain't running

a motel around here!

- You hear me?

- Yeah, I heard you!

- Maybe we should just go out the window.

- No!

We're going out the way we came in.

- BAT:
Oscar.

- You ready?

Hello, missy.

Pleased to meet you. The name's Chloe.

Yeah, well, don't you come in this house

again unless I invite you.

There'll be trouble

I can't be responsible for.

BAT:
You hear me?

Hey, don't be scared, all right?

He is a mean son of a b*tch,

but I can be, too.

I'll protect you from anything.

Bradley, we have to talk.

No, hold on.

That's really sweet.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

It's a dog.

No. No, no. That's not... It's the dog.

That's Bradley Jr.

That's the dog you picked out.

But I hate dogs and you know that.

No, you don't. You... You love dogs.

I would have said anything

to get out of that room.

I don't want a goddamn dog!

And you know that, but you

got me one anyway, because you...

- Okay. Okay, time out, Kathryn...

- Because you have no idea who I am.

I mean, I might as well be invisible to you.

What color are my eyes, Bradley?

- What?

- Yeah, what color are my eyes?

- Green!

- Hazel!

My eyes are hazel! I mean, Christ!

You're an artist!

Okay, but there's a little greenish,

hazel tint.

All right, listen,

we're rushing the dog thing.

- You're right.

- No.

No, it's not just the dog thing

or the eye thing. It's everything.

It's every goddamn thing!

I cannot do this for one more day!

- It's like I don't even exist!

- What? You're leaving?

- Oh, so now you don't miss a thing.

- Where are you going with this?

You know the shortstop,

the one that you asked over to our table?

Yes! She tagged you out.

Yeah, well,

I'm not the only one she tagged out.

But you wouldn't know that,

because you have your

head so far up your ass.

Wait, you... You're friends with her?

Wow. Goodbye, Bradley.

If Kathryn's meant to be with women,

so be it,

but I just can't help but think

maybe I did something to cause it.

Mmm?

To put her off men forever.

But what? Never cheated.

I didn't lie.

I made love to her on a regular basis.

She fell in love, that's all.

One minute she was married,

next minute there was this person

right in front of her,

whom she couldn't ignore

no matter how hard she tried.

How do you know that?

Well, I was there when they met.

So were you.

Bradley, look.

Try focusing on simple pleasures.

You know? Small blessings.

Hmm.

Like... Like what?

That's not for me to say.

- I got my hair, right, Harry?

- There's a start.

Okay.

Well...

- I got this place.

- Best espresso in Portland. The best!

- I got my little dog.

- A loyal companion.

I'm really sorry, Bradley,

but you can't have the dog back.

We're going to keep him.

Agatha, that's my dog.

Not anymore. He's bonded with us.

- No...

- His name is Gumbo now.

Wait! Wait. Wait.

We had a deal.

Well, that was then and this is now.

I'm so sorry, Bradley,

(DOG BARKS)

But Billy loves the dog

and we love the dog.

Don't talk to me about love, okay?

My wife left me.

- I know.

- Okay? For another woman.

I'm alone, okay?

I want a dog. I need that dog!

Brad... Bradley!

My heart goes out to you, sweetie.

I think Kathryn is a selfish b*tch.

I think what you should do

is go straight to the pound

- and pick yourself out another dog.

- We had a deal!

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