Feed Page #5

And then you didn't.

Well, the meds that you're having

me take make me feel sick.

Then, perhaps you should

get food enterally

until you don't

feel sick anymore.

You haven't eaten

normally in months.

You might not

feel hungry anymore.

Well, I get hungry.

I just...

What?

What happens

when you get hungry?

I was very busy this year.

I had a lot of work to do,

so I just forgot.

You forgot to eat?

Mmm.

You and your brother did a lot of the

same things together, didn't you?

You shared the same

friends, similar schedules.

Yeah.

Shared a car?

Yeah.

Yeah.

After he passed,

it must have been difficult

to engage in those things alone.

Are you asking me if after the

accident things were difficult?

I'm asking how did you do everything

you did before with Matt, alone?

I just did it.

He even smells like bullshit.

Is there something funny?

No. Nothing's

funny anymore.

Do you remember

when you became so busy

that you started

to forget to eat?

I didn't always forget.

When you started to restrict.

I didn't restrict!

But you hid food, didn't you?

Food that you told your

family you were eating?

You hid it behind a tree.

A tree that was very important

to you and your brother.

He thinks he knows

our story, Liv.

Were you hiding the food so

that you didn't have to eat it?

No.

Don't even bother.

Then why hide the food?

I hid the food...

Get us out of here!

Was there a reason

you started hiding it?

A voice that

told you not to eat?

What's he talking...

What?

Is there a voice that tells

you or tells you not to eat?

No.

Is there a voice that tells

you to do other things?

When to work,

to sleep, to speak?

Is he kidding?

Doesn't everyone have a voice

that tells them what to do?

Right.

Your conscience?

Does your conscience

tell you not to eat?

No.

Who does?

Why are you asking me this?

Because, often, people

with an eating disorder

describe a voice in their

head that sounds different.

I don't have

a problem with food.

This isn't about food, really.

Do you find you feel

out of control? Overwhelmed?

Yeah, I feel stressed

a lot and I feel scared.

Because of school.

No, because of everything.

Well, when you feel stressed or

scared, what helps you the most?

Liv, I wanna go, Liv.

I wanna go right now.

- I wanna go home.

- Now.

When can I go home?

When you eat, Olivia.

Okay. Then I will.

I promise you, I will.

I just need to do it

alone in my room, please.

You have a history

of sabotaging food,

of either ruining it

or hiding it.

The way you spilled

the replacement shake.

We have to make sure

that you're eating, Olivia.

You're not hungry.

I'm not that hungry.

If you don't,

your body will give out.

He's lying!

But more specifically,

your heart will give out,

and then you will die.

He's lying, Liv.

Slowly,

but horribly and certainly.

Let's go. Now!

I wanna go back to my room.

You can go if you like.

You and your brother loved each

other very much, didn't you?

What do you think he would say

to you if he saw you in here?

What's wrong, Liv?

Nothing. I love you.

Matt, am I gonna die?

Quiet.

I wanna be that happy.

I just wanted you to feel free.

Sorry.

You can't die

because we're gonna

die at the same time.

No, we won't.

Quiet.

Please, don't tell.

I promise.

Promise me, too.

I promise.

Dr. Rothstein?

I know it's early, but I

really do need to talk to you.

Olivia, what's wrong?

I'm just scared.

Hey.

Tell him what he wants to hear.

What is it?

Come on in. Have a seat.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

Yes, you can. Just lie.

Tell him you'll get better.

You'll put on weight. Anything.

Just sit down,

and get us out of here.

- I don't wanna do this.

- Yes, you do.

- Whatever you wanna say.

- Take your time.

When I was born,

my brother was with me.

He was always with me.

What are you doing?

My whole life, I've never

known anything else.

And when things

got really bad this year,

I didn't know how...

I just couldn't.

When he passed.

Liv, what are you doing?

When he passed.

When he...

Liv, I'm right here.

Liv, I'm right here! Okay?

I couldn't...

You promised me, Liv!

You promised me!

I couldn't...

I couldn't...

Breathe, Olivia.

What? You want me to go?

Do you want me to go?

No, no, no!

Please, please!

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths, Olivia.

Come on.

When he...

When he what?

When he came...

You are nothing without me.

You wanna see how long you can

last without me this time, huh?

Olivia, you can do this.

You're strong.

You are weak without me!

When Matt died...

You promised me, Liv!

What are you doing?

When Matt died...

What are you doing?

What are you doing right now?

We promised that we would

die together, and I didn't.

That's not your fault.

That's your fault.

And I begged for him

to come back to me.

I did.

And I thought that he did.

And I did.

I thought that he

came back for me.

Liv, I did come back for you.

I'm right here.

Look at me!

How can you do this to me?

I've been right here

by your side the whole time.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I don't love you anymore.

I never did love you.

I made up the whole thing.

You're nothing without me.

So come with me.

I'm taking you with me.

No, you're not!

You're not!

Because you're not my brother.

You're not my brother.

You're okay.

It's okay.

When you come

into the world with someone,

everything you've ever seen,

everything you've

ever touched or smelled

is with them by your side.

And a world without them

doesn't even seem possible.

When he left this world,

I made up a new one.

One where I could see him.

First, in dreams,

and then when I was awake.

The more time that

I spent in our world,

the more I could feel myself

slipping away from this one.

Do you think that's what

he would have wanted?

No, Matt wouldn't

have wanted me to die.

He would have

wanted me to live, a lot.

He would have wanted me

to have fun and to grow up,

see new things, fall in love.

But that voice wasn't Matt.

I know that.

You have lunch out today.

Yeah.

Take deep breaths.

And just remember, health is a

choice, and you can make it.

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah.

I'm just looking for him.

Great.

Hi.

Hi.

I missed him.

Yeah, he missed you.

Hey. So, um...

I'm sorry that I didn't visit.

You know, it just

kind of seemed like...

No, I didn't want you to.

I didn't want you

to see me like that.

Hey, what can I get you? Hi.

Um...

You go first.

Okay.

I'm gonna do the deluxe

burger with cheddar.

And for you?

Mmm...

Just, I think a salad

with some mixed Greens.

Anything on top?

Chicken, quinoa?

No. Thanks.

Thanks. Hey, actually, could

we get onion rings to start?

Sure.

Thank you.

Sorry.

They just make me eat so much I

just really wanna have a salad

and to not have to drink

the dressing in the end.

They make you drink dressing?

Well, everything is portioned

out for weight gain.

So if you have

anything left over,

then you kind of have to...

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