Filth and Wisdom Page #2

No, no. Ooh.

Uh...

Take them off. Off.

Turn around.

Turn it.

Fantastic.

Okay, that'll do, Ade.

Um...

Not exactly Cirque du Soleil.

Perhaps we can work

on a speciality act.

Oh, no, no, no.

Otherwise the glue factory's

waiting for you, Mr. Frisky.

And now let's kick it up,

kick it up and let's kick it up.

And now, perhaps a little bit

of honey oats.

The problem with having

a cash box in your body

is that you always feel empty,

even when it's full.

And sooner or later

you'll end up feeling ripped off.

Oh, Francine. Impeccable timing.

Um, this is Holly.

She needs a bit of tutoring,

so I'll leave you two alone for a while.

Uh...

And see what you can do with it.

Right, let's get down to business.

First thing's first.

Take those f***ing tights off.

Before Christmas would be nice.

Okay, right. Grab the pole,

keep your arms straight, lean out

and walk slowly round.

Arch your back, tits out,

ass out, chin up,

maintain eye contact

with your audience.

Well, look like you're

enjoying yourself, then.

I am.

Tracey.

- Come here and show her how it's done.

- Hi.

Hi.

You ain't as bad as you think you are.

You should see the slappers

that turn up here.

At least you've got class. Ah.

Look, all you got to remember

is one, Japs tip best,

two, what happens in the club

stays in the club,

and three, stay away from teenagers.

- They never have any money.

- I just can't get my head around the pole.

You'll get the hang of it, Mary Poppins.

It ain't your head you gotta get round it.

Who's there?

Andre?

Andre.

Good, up with the knees.

It's true.

There is duality in everything.

But perhaps I should ask myself

this question:

Am I consciously or unconsciously,

actively or passively,

collaborating at this very moment

with some behavior

that is destined to wreak havoc

on another human being?

And good.

That's better, yes. chapp

to escape, not these mini little things.

That's better. Right open.

Thanks.

Oh.

Typical bloody Jew.

You know, Juliette, there are over

You obviously haven't been

reading the bloody news.

Is that so? Well, why don't you tell me

the bloody news?

Last night on Channel 4, documentary,

Really, really fantastic.

Oh, bloody chutya.

I told her not to come to work.

One moment, please.

Just get the f*** out of here.

Just get the f*** out of here!

- F***!

- Get off me.

Get the f*** out of here!

- Sorry we're late, sir.

- Sit down, girls.

- Has everybody done their prep?

- Yes, sir.

Rothschild hasn't.

"Sir." What, "sir"?

No, sir.

You, Rothschild.

What is 947 divided by the

square root of power of 10?

Don't know, sir.

- You don't know.

- No.

Well, come out here, guttersniper.

Assume the position.

The other position, imbecile.

The other position, you moron!

What is the square root

of 947 divided by the square root

of power of 10?

- Four.

- No.

Three?

- Twenty?

- No.

- Thirty-four?

- No.

Forty-two.

Right.

- Right?

- No.

Sixteen.

Sit down.

"I traveled the world looking

for lovers of the ultimate beauty

and never settled in."

"I..."

"I've traveled the world looking

for lovers of ultimate beauty."

"I've traveled the world

looking for lovers of the ultimate beauty

but never settled in."

I am a wonderlust king.

Let me be gone

Whoo!

I've traveled the world

I stay on the run

Let me out

Let me be gone

Beat-up road sign

History of time

I am a wonderlust king

So, what's your schedule like

for today, then?

I thought I'd take another look

at a few more properties.

How many times do you have to look at

a property before you start to develop it?

Lot of details to work out.

Square footage,

investment value, neighborhood.

Will you put that f***ing

newspaper down?

That's better. Now...

You were saying?

I was saying...

- Details. Mm-hm.

- Details to work out.

Structure, expansion capabilities.

Uh-huh.

Sorry. Sorry, darling.

What was I saying?

Something about capability

to expand a structure.

Ooh.

Look at the time. I'd better be...

Better. Better.

We all want to be better.

I want to be better.

We want to be better.

The whole world would like to be better.

We'd all be better

if it was a better world.

You think you're too good for this?

It's bad enough

I have to get my tits out.

I'm sh*t.

I'm never gonna be as good as Tracey.

It's just so humiliating.

Do you mind?

- It's a gents', isn't it?

- Yeah, so be a gent and f*** off.

Don't you ever feel guilty doing this?

Devil's already got his piece, isn't it?

I don't need to give him another one

by feeling guilty about it.

Anyways, it's not about what you

show men,

it's about what you don't show them.

Men like mystery.

Oh, and by the way,

no one wants you to be like Tracey.

Just be yourself.

Now stop your f***ing crying.

I'll give you a lift home.

I treat her like a princess.

You don't know how to treat anybody

like a princess.

- Ah, Holly, please sit down.

- I've really got to get going.

Why? The night is young.

The moon is but a twinkle

within thine eye.

- Please. What time is it, Ade?

- Hmm.

- Tick-tock, it's a drink o'clock.

- On the dot.

Come on. You know, you've been

making such splendid progress.

- Let's celebrate.

- Okay, but I'm not drinking.

Just one little sip?

There.

You've got a phenomenal look about you.

You could be an actress.

- Really?

- Absolutely. I've done a couple...

Sometimes I throw VIP parties,

and it's an opportunity

for my most talented girls

to make rather a lot of cash on the side.

Or on top.

So what am I,

an actress or a prostitute?

No need to get defensive.

- Are you two at it again?

- Uh...

- No.

- Yeah.

You, you couldn't even pull

your own f***ing hair, darling.

Pull your hair.

- Pathetic.

- Pathetic?

That don't even touch the f***ing sides.

Stop fussing with me.

I know how to walk up the stairs.

Come on.

Something to drink?

- Yes.

Shall I get the sommelier?

No, you can get us a nice bottle

of Pinot Grigio.

Do you know what you're gonna order?

Sorry, do you want me

to read you the menu?

That won't be necessary.

I'll have the faggots in brine.

I'm kidding, Holly.

I thought prostitutes

and minge-munchers

and strippers were supposed

to be good fun.

Don't call me that.

Anyway, that's what I wanted

to talk to you about.

I'm still in denial that I have to

take my clothes off to make a living.

Ah. Well, for one thing, you don't have to,

you've chosen to do it.

And secondly, stop being

so bloody puritanical.

Isadora Duncan danced naked

in front of prime ministers and kings.

Wasn't she strangled to death

by her own scarf?

Yes. If you play your cards right,

you too can have a glamorous death.

That doesn't make me feel any better

about being a pole dancer.

The road to success is paved

with humiliation.

The sooner you accept that,

the easier the journey will get.

Now, let's have a toast

to your new profession.

Christopher Flynn, the wunderlust king.

What bloody cave

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes