Five Graves to Cairo

Stebbins!

Stebbins!

Abbott!

Fitch, stop the tank!

Theyve got the exhaust.

Fitch!

Lieutenant, Lieutenant!

Sentry, is this Divisional Headquarters?

I said, is this Divisional Headquarters?

I wish to speak with the commanding officer

Quickly, please.

Cold in here.

Could I borrow a coat?

Or perhaps you have a bed with blankets.

About six blankets.

Feather bed on top of them.

Hot toddies.

Corporal John Bramble reporting, sir.

Royal Tank Regiment stationed in Tobruk.

Been in Tobruk, sir?

Hot as a blister on a devils heel.

We joined operations last night at

Bir Hakeim.

Looked like a frolic, sir. We thought

we had the German tanks on the run.

Then the 88s...

Their formation split wide open and...

... there were the 88s right against

our belly, sir.

Very clever this blasted Herr Rommel.

Thirty shells a minute.

Oh yes, sir, we pulled out all right,

thank you, sir.

Ever see a five passenger hearse, sir,

doing the Lambeth Walk...

... the exhaust hit and going pss..

Listen, please. The British... The

British arent here anymore. They left...

Stebbins is dead. Fitch dead.

Abbott dead.

Yes, sir, but the English...

O'Connor, dead. All of them...

... driving themselves to the

funeral service, sir

Youve had too much sun.

Mouche, Mouche, sunstroke,

bring water and salt.

Is there transportation back to Tobruk?

Oh but sir, there is no more Tobruk, sir.

No sir. Theyve taken Tobruk.

I was on the bus once that went

wild in Piccadilly.

It was raining. Umbrellas.

Wet umbrellas.

The British have evacuated.

This is Sidi Halfaya, sir.

An Englishmans home is his umbrella...

This is Hotel Empress of Britain, sir.

Sidi Halfaya, sir.

... and his pipe is his fireplace.

Five little Britishs riding in

the sun.

After the Gerries, then

there was one... one.

Thats close to zero.

Hello, miss.

Women at headquarters now?

Where is the Commanding Officer.

I was speaking with the Commanding Officer.

I must return to my outfit.

Abbott! Stebbins! Fitch!

Mister!

Our new guests.

Sir, sir, get up quick.

You can get up, sir.

This is no time, sir. Here Come to

yourself, sir. Come to yourself, sir.

Wake up. Wake up, for mercys sake.

Wake up.

Youve got to get up, sir,

the Germans are here.

Sir!

I wouldnt do that, Farid.

But who, where?

Where else can I put him, Mouche?

Right in the middle of the floor.

Oh no. Theyll see him.

Theyll shoot him.

I know theyd shoot you too.

Salam aleykum.

Good afternoon.

- Perhaps were a little late for tea?

- Tea? Well you see...

Isnt it tea time?

Or maybe shes knitting. Maybe

shes taking a little nap. Where is she?

Where is she... where is she who, sir?

There is nobody in the hotel, sir.

Dont tell me she ran off to Cairo

with her teeth chattering.

Who please, sir?

The Empress of Britain.

I didnt name it that, sir, honest,

I didnt. That was the name of the hot...

... hotel, when I bought it, sir.

Water.

Yes... Yes, sir.

Please, this way, sir.

- Your name is Farid?

- Yes, sir. My name Farid.

- Youre Egyptian.

- Oh yes sir, yes. Only because...

... my parents were Egyptian, sir.

Nothing wrong with Egypt.

Oh no, sir.

- Except too many English and

too many flies. - Yes sir.

Weve been killing the English like flies.

Theyd only kill the flies like the English.

Yes, sir.

Youve a native cook by the name of Berek.

Terek, sir, Terek. Yes sir.

But he run away this morning...

... with the British to Alexandria.

- You have a wife.

- Oh, yes sir, yes, but she run away, sir.

With the British to Alexandria?

No, sir. With a Greek to Casablanca.

Theres a maid by the name of

Marie Jacqueline.

They call me Mouche.

French citizen, born in Marseilles.

Ha. Informed of everything.

We rather like to know where the

light switch is before we enter a dark room.

And theres a waiter here,

Alsatian by the name of Paul Davos.

- Yes, sir. He was killed, sir.

- By whom?

By you, sir. In the bombing

when your planes came over last night.

You know, your beautiful planes.

Whats a French maid doing in Egypt?

- Housework.

- Whats the matter with housework in Paris?

In Paris they are one million

French chambermaids.

There is only one Mouche in Sidi Halfaya.

Only... only one, sir.

The cook ran away this morning

to Alexandria. Why didnt you?

What for? You take Alexandria.

You take Cairo

Naturally. Turn around.

Turn around!

- Cigarette.

- Uh, yes sir.

You light if for me, please.

Your hands are very small.

Its been a long time,

since Ive seen such small hands.

Thank you.

Always attack quickly.

Dont give the British time

to pack up their soap.

Excellent soap. Smells of Bond Street.

How many rooms in this hotel, exactly?

This is the largest hotel, sir,

between Alexandria and Benghazi.

- How many, I said.

- Sixteen, sir, sixteen.

But of course, we lost four

in the bombardment.

- Bathrooms?

- Oh yes, of course, sir.

- Everything is most luxurious

- How many?

- Uh two.

- One that works.

Luxurious indeed.

Or was the word, luksh.

Sir... Lieutenant, the rooms.

Maybe you would like to see the rooms?

Full of bedbugs, Im sure.

Yes sir, full of bedbugs

You see, we have the most wonderful...

Oh, no, no, no, sir,

We have not full of bedbugs, not one sir.

I swear we have no bedbugs.

Well, you see, this is the only hotel

between Alexandria and Benghazi.

We have no bedbugs

I swear we have...

Maybe one or two in the

cheaper rooms, sir.

Now look here, man bedbugs,

broken down bathrooms and all, we are...

... taking over the Empress of Britain

as our temporary headquarters.

Yes sir. Great honor, sir.

I expect your fullest cooperation.

Should there be any irregularities,

you'll be held responsible.

Our complaints are brief

and we make them against the nearest wall.

Yes, and so he gets to warn us.

Warn you! Im only a servant here.

The rooms immediately adjacent

to the good...

... bathroom will be occupied by

the German High Command.

The one with the bathroom that

doesn't work goes to the Italian general.

The Italian.

Uh... Maybe... maybe it would be better in

the restaurant, sir. There are many tables.

There are large tables...

tables in the restaurant to eat

Well dont stand around. The rooms upstairs,

are they ready for the High Command?

- They will.

- Weve been going around...

... all day, sir cleaning up

after your planes.

Well go ahead. And two towels

in every room

Yes sir. Yes, one towel for every

two rooms, sir.

Er... two towels for every...

Come on.

Come on.

- Youre still here?

- Uh... still... still here.

I gave you instructions.

The High Command will be here any minute.

We were admiring your efficiency, sir.

Werent we, Mouche? Thats wonderful...

... after the British, sir.

Yes sir. Come sir... come, Mouche.

- Maid.

- Yes, Lieutenant?

Before I make final arrangements about the

quarters upstairs, which is your room?

Way down the hall, next to the one

you assigned the Italian general.

- Oh, if that worries you...

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