Flesh and Blood Page #5

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It's a little disheartening

to be finally given that,

I don't want to say label.

But for lack of a better word, label.

It's going to cause a lot of problems

farther down the road in my life.

I'm already bullied regularly.

I'm told to kill myself a lot.

One time I got beat up to the point

where an ambulance had to pick me up.

And me and my mom are

still paying for that bill.

And I got beat up and

taken by the ambulance

in like 3rd or 4th grade

and I'm in the 7th grade now.

Nowadays I have friends,

so I don't have to sit

next to the garbage cans

during lunch anymore.

A lot of people look at me weird,

tell me I'm not supposed to be there.

Being suicidal and my heavy

depression, it's horrible.

It's horrific.

That's why I want to start

out with a documentary,

to teach and show others about

what happens to me and to,

I'm sure, a lot of kids all over America.

That a lot of people are just...

I had no idea that this sh*t even goes on.

But, so there's a point in natural labor

where your body is like, you can't do it.

Your mind is like, you're

not, you can't do it.

She was kind of at that

point where she was like,

"I can't do it, I'm not gonna do it,

"I can't, I can't do it, I can't do it."

And we're like, no, you're

doing it, it's happening.

Like the baby is starting to come out.

It's like right at the

very end of the labor.

So she had to like change

her breathing pattern.

And the midwife was trying

to explain it to her,

and I could tell she wasn't getting it.

Like she was visibly frustrated

and, like, wasn't doing it.

And they were like,

kept trying to tell her,

and like she wasn't getting it.

And like I saw that, and in that moment,

it was like my instincts

just like kicked in.

And I was like, I'm just

gonna start doing it.

And she like, we locked eyes.

And she just like settled down

and like started mimicking me.

And we were like totally in sync, yo.

And like that was the

point where she was able to,

like, get into the right rhythm.

And then was like properly dilated.

And got through that like little hump.

It was, like I felt like part of that

at that point, you know?

And I felt like we really connected

on some like next level sh*t.

It was really, it was

f***ing beautiful man.

- It was...

- Crazy.

Yeah.

It's really, it's the coolest sh*t.

Oh, my bad.

I just, I don't get a chance to really like

cut loose anymore.

So I was trying to take

advantage of the cat being away.

No, it's all good, bro.

- It's total...

- And so the mouse could play.

- It's totally okay. - You know what

I mean? But yeah, oh. - It's fine.

(coughs) Oh my God, I love you, dude.

(guys laughing)

I got to step out front,

dude. I feel weird.

Yeah, go ahead, man.

Yeah.

The buzzer doesn't work, though.

So when you want to come back

in just call me or text me.

I have romantic problems.

When you're a nerd who

is very socially awkward.

I do have this one girl

who I really do like

but I don't that's gonna go anywhere

'cause she's a lesbian.

You know, I've been feeling

a little low recently

since I've been back, and just readjusting.

So what I want to do today

is this loving kindness meditation

that I'll guide you through.

Close your eyes.

And take one deep breath

in through your nose.

And I want you to say,

may you be free of fear.

May you be at peace.

May you be happy.

I want you to smile at yourself.

And I want you to tell

yourself, I love you.

Hey.

Oh!

[Mark] Good morning.

Good morning.

Thank you, honey.

You're welcome.

The least I can do.

We got coffee, bagels, donuts.

Wow.

Yeah.

The whole works.

Mmm hmm.

He's still asleep.

Well, you know your brother.

He doesn't like mornings.

Yeah, no, I know.

We're gonna take your brother

to see his dad tonight.

He tells me supposedly that he's clean.

All right.

[Man] Hey.

Can you give me a ride?

What's up, man?

What's up, yo?

- How you been?

- How you doing? I been good, man.

All right.

Hi, yo, yo.

Hi Dad.

You all right?

Hey, Cheri.

Hi.

How you doing, man?

All right, cold. (laughs)

The jail you just got out of...

Yeah. Yeah so...

is where Guillermo met his dad.

Oh, no.

(speaking in foreign language)

Yes.

Oh my God, I had forgotten about that.

[Cheri] That's where you met him.

Well, you were a baby, though.

Yeah.

I love my son.

It's f***ed up that I saw

you for the first time,

I was in jail.

And I wasn't even there when you were born.

But can't deny you.

Look at you.

It's a mirror.

They had to take his diaper off,

search his diaper, do all this.

Yeah, because I had a

crazy charge, you know.

I was in maximum.

I had a kidnapping.

But, tell him about the string yo yo.

Uh...

I hadn't seen him in a minute.

I was on the run.

So I was like, you know, f***ing,

I had that little string on my wrist.

And my son saw it.

So I gave it to him.

And I can't believe he's still got it.

Now I got to get you a

real bracelet. (laughs)

[Cheri] What about your health?

I don't even know how I'm still alive.

I had endocarditis.

I was in the hospital for

a month because of that.

I've OD'd like nine times.

I'm still here.

[Cheri] How about your other health stuff?

Oh.

The thing.

The thing.

That's what your parents

call it, the thing.

Oh, really?

Mmm hmm.

From getting high, from everything,

I ended up getting Hep C and HIV.

He found out, and then

he came over to the house

on Tulip Street high as sh*t.

Oh, well, of course.

Like when you get that f***ing

news, what do you expect?

Like when I found out, I went

crazy for like three days.

And I was like, might as

well just kill myself now.

Because I was afraid.

I was afraid that he

might have it, you know.

'Cause I didn't know, like, when I got it.

So I didn't know if I gave it to your mom.

Like there was so many variables to it.

- Yeah.

- I thought he was so full of sh*t.

I got him in the car.

I didn't care how high he was.

He was screaming outside

my window all night long.

What happened to your eye?

I, you know I ran the streets

for a decade, like Philly.

And I did a lot of dirt.

Well, it just happened

that I burned a corner

for a break, that a breaker

stabbed one of those.

Well, the dude I robbed, he

got sentenced to a five to 10.

[Guillermo] Mmm.

So I don't know how in the

hell, paperwork got f***ed up.

Or I don't know.

I was walking on the street,

and the second I turned

around, 'cause I sensed it,

I just seen the golf club.

$1,000, or get hit with a golf club.

So yeah, (laughs) that's

what I told them for.

That's my dad.

No, don't, I'm not proud of it, G.

That's what I'm trying to say.

All the sh*t that I've done,

I wish I could tell you.

I wish I could talk to

you and explain to you

so you don't have to go through

all the sh*t I've been through.

Literally the first 10 years of your life,

I wasted 'em, you know?

Just because I was getting high.

You hear the train?

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