Flesh and Blood Page #7

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then that's your responsibility.

- I've done a damn good job. My life ain't no different...

- It's a responsibility

as an adult.

- My life...

- But when I'm a child,

when I'm f***ing 10 year old

child I didn't have a choice.

- Listen, listen, yes.

- That's what you did!

- Let me, wait, wait, wait. Don't talk over me.

- You put me...

- You talked.

- I went to prison.

I ended up with a f***ing drug habit.

- It's not...

- I did five years in prison.

Now Guillermo...

- It's my turn to talk.

- Don't even get me started

on Guillermo.

[Cheri] It's not about

the self-absorption.

I'm not f***ing self-absorbed,

and neither is my brother.

I'm in pain, and I'm sad,

and so the f*** is he.

And it's because of choices that you made.

- [Cheri] Well, you're gonna have to...

- And yes I know how to survive on the streets.

[Cheri] You're gonna have to toughen up.

And I know how to take

care of other people.

- [Cheri] You're gonna have to toughen up.

- And I know how to not be selfish.

- It's easier...

- But I don't know how to f***ing love myself.

[Cheri]Well, then you

better start working on it.

And neither does he.

[Cheri] You better start working on it.

I had you doing affirmations

when you were a little boy.

And maybe you need to go back

to some of those basic tools.

Yo, what's up, man?

It's Mark.

Holler back at me when you get a chance.

(hip hop music)

What the f*** are you doing?

I'm just letting loose, having fun, Mom.

[Cheri] You're drinking.

Yeah, Mom.

I mean, it's a f***ing bar.

I don't know how you can say that.

You're destroying your life.

Mom, I'm fine, all right?

I'm just trying to have fun.

You have nothing to worry about.

Mom!

(hip hop music)

(moaning)

Sh*t.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yo.

Yeah, your glasses,

just take those glasses,

smash 'em on the ground.

We'll get you contacts.

I don't want contacts.

I like the way I look, Mark.

Are you drunk?

No.

[Guillermo] Are you drunk?

Yes, I'm a little drunk.

[Guillermo] You said you

weren't gonna drink anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah, I said that.

Well, you know, guess what?

You know, seriously, this

is the most important thing

I could tell you, man.

Is that sh*t is gonna happen to you,

and life is just sh*t happening to you.

And a lot of f***ed up

sh*t is gonna happen to you.

And you're gonna get

your f***ing heart broken.

Some girl is gonna come along,

and she's gonna grab your f***ing heart,

smash it in a million little pieces.

You're gonna have to

f***ing pick up the pieces,

try and figure out

how to get the pieces back into your body.

And you're gonna be sitting there

like what the f*** just happened.

And people are gonna

let you down, you know?

F***ing Mom, Mom is gonna let you down.

Your dad is gonna let you down.

Everyone's gonna let you down.

Life is just a f***ing,

one letdown after another.

It's just, that's life.

That's all life is, is just

like one f***ing letdown.

Boom, boom, boom.

You know?

And all you can really

do is just f***ing control

like how you react to being let down.

That's it.

There's nothing else.

And life is just about controlling

and that's what life is.

Look, I honestly, I don't f***ing blame you

for sitting around playing

video games all day, man.

'Cause it is a f***ing cold,

f***ed up world out there.

It is really f***ed up.

You know?

You understand what I'm saying?

Are you listening to me right now?

[Guillermo] Yeah.

Yeah?

At the end of the day,

no one really gives a f*** about you.

You know?

You just got to like take

care of yourself, man.

Good night, Mark.

That's it.

It was totally traumatizing.

'Cause I took your brother,

and we went to the

Children's Guidance Center.

And I started taking him to therapy.

And, you know, he'd cry,

'cause he wanted to see his dad.

And then he'd start

kicking me and biting me,

'cause he wanted to see his dad.

The therapist said to me,

"Cheri, you know, you're the adult.

"Even though you're a little

girl, you have to protect him.

"And the best thing that you can do is,

"you know, to tell Mark's

father that he can't see him

"until he gets off of drug and alcohol."

And Mark's dad never came back.

I love you, Mom.

I dig it.

It's parked around on North Street.

Thank you.

(unsettling music)

(hopeful music)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

We look alike.

(laughs)

Yeah.

God, what do you say?

It's...

I've loved you, I've missed you.

[Mark] I missed you, too.

(sighs) I think back,

that period of my life and the time.

I really wanted to be as, I don't know.

[Mark] Wow.

[Mark's Dad] Little Mark.

How old was I here?

Four or five.

I'll have to ask.

I forgot to ask Carolyn.

It's really crazy.

How do you feel?

(sighs) With my hands.

Yeah. (laughs)

Right now I'm feeling a

lot of joy and happiness.

Yeah.

Just great to see you.

Mmm hmm.

Well, Dad, I guess I'm...

Glad to hear you say Dad.

That's a trip.

I sure want to go fishing with you.

That'd be fun to sit in a boat,

make a nice lunch and sit in the boat.

That'd be cool.

I like to get big sucker

minnows and a big bobber,

and I just throw it out there.

And it's...

I've never been fishing.

[Mark's Dad] Never been fishing?

No.

Oh, God, that'll be great.

Yeah.

Yeah, it'd be nice to...

Oh yeah.

do some like father and son sh*t. (laughs)

[Mark's Dad] Yeah.

Yeah.

We were a happy little family,

and then just kind of went to sh*t. (sighs)

You remember riding in the blue truck?

And I fight authority

but authority always wins,

that was our song?

We had the boom box in the truck and...

I think the last time that

I remember that we talked,

I was with my mom.

And I think you were coming to pick me up.

And I was gonna get like some Transformers

or something like that.

Yeah, bringing you Optimus Prime.

[Mark] Mmm hmm.

And then, um.

Yeah and then...

I didn't make it, you know?

I didn't show up.

Because of the drinking and drugs.

That's...

Yeah.

Addiction, it's a horrible thing.

Something I passed on. (laughs)

Yeah.

But still, that's no f***ing

excuse to, I don't know.

Did you, were you able to get sober ever

and get any time together and stuff?

Oh yeah, I've been 20 years.

20 years, holy sh*t.

How long you had this house for?

Six years, we rent.

Okay.

We really went through some

tough financial times, boy.

Yeah?

I had started out, we moved to Grand Rapids

and I bought a home, and lost that.

And...

Really?

It kind of slipped away.

I reached out to my family

who didn't want anything

to do with me for 20 years

to help me.

And they, my dad wouldn't help me.

But then my dad got sick,

but then I got to see him

again before he passed.

So, I...

And that's my grandpa?

Yeah.

Did I ever meet him?

Yeah, I don't know.

I have to ask Carolyn, she'll know.

What was his name?

John.

John.

What'd he die of?

Cancer.

Well, I'm still like,

I can't believe I'm standing

across from you right now.

It's definitely really weird.

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