Fletch Page #7

116 DOG

A killer Doberman is tied up behind a chain link fence. At the sight of the intruding Fletch, the dog's lip is practically over his nose, his fangs are poised and gleaming.

117 FLETCH

FLETCH:

(getting out of his car)

What's your name fella? Fluff? Pom-pom?

118 DOG

completely bananas.

119 FLETCH

Fletch reaches the front door and looks around. He rings the bell. The dog yowls even louder. Fletch waits. And waits. He rings again. Satisfied that no one is home, he tries the front door. Of course, it is locked. He takes out a credit card, starts to jimmy the lock, and actually seems to be making progress when his credit card snaps in half.

FLETCH:

Sh*t.

He pockets the broken credit card, steps back and looks over the house for another possible point of entry.

120 FLETCH'S POINT OF VIEW - AN UPSTAIRS WINDOW

Double-hung. Slightly warped, so that the upper half does not exactly true with the lower half.

121 FLETCH

looks around to see how to climb up to it.

122 MASTER

There's only one way. Climb up the side of the chain link fence which separates him from the murderous dog. Fletch approaches it warily. The dog is practically foaming. Fletch reaches out a hand to get a hold of the fence, and the dog just about rips the fence apart.

FLETCH:

(in his best Barbara Woodhouse)

Sit-tuh!

This has no effect, so Fletch backs up a few yards, take a deep breath for courage and makes a headlong running start for the fence, using his momentum to get to the top before the dog eats him. He grabs hold and scrambles wildly for the top. He makes it.

FLETCH:

Roll over. Play dead. Good boy.

Fletch now grabs hold of the eave on the side of the house, and very carefully pulls himself onto it. It's only about ten feet from there to the vulnerable window, but the angle of the eave is rather steep, and the going is treacherous. As he makes his way, he keeps a wary eye on the dog who keeps leaping up, seemingly getting closer and closer to taking a giant bite out of Fletch's backside.

FLETCH:

You any relation to Doctor Dolan?

Now he's at the window. He tries to open it, but despite it's warped appearance from the ground, it is locked. Fletch looks at the lock and can't believe it. He sighs. He shakes his head. He smashes the window with his elbow.

FLETCH:

I hate this.

He climbs into the darkened house, leaving the enraged dog to run furiously around the fenced in yard that surrounds the house.

123 INT SWARTHOUT'S HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - NIGHT

Fletch tiptoes though the upstairs bedroom and down the stairs. From outside, he can still hear the dog snarling and barking.

124 INT. SWARTHOUT'S HOUSE - DOWNSTAIRS - NIGHT

As Fletch passes through the living room he sees the dog snarling at him through the living room window.

125 INT. SWARTHOUT'S DEN - NIGHT

Fletch enters and looks around.

The dog is now outside the den window.

FLETCH:

Make sure nobody comes in, okay?

He goes to the file cabinet and opens it.

He flips through the "S" section. "Stanwyk". He pulls it. He thumbs through various documents until he finds what he's looking for. A copy of a deed. He pulls it out.

125-A INSERT - DEED - CLOSE ON THE PURCHASE PRICE

Three Thousand Dollars.

FLETCH (O.S.)

So much for your three million dollar ranch.

126 FLETCH

takes out a tiny document camera -- the kind spies use in the movies -- and loads it fumblingly. Then he props the deed up on top of the file cabinet, and moves a lamp into position to light it. Just as he snaps his first shot, we hear a terrible crashing sound.

127 WINDOW

The murderous Doberman has made a crashing leap right through the den window, sending glass flying everywhere, and he streaks across the room to rip Fletch into bite-sized shreds.

128 MASTER

Fletch bolts and the dog flies into the file cabinet, knocking it over, scattering all the files over the floor. Fletch dashes for the nearest door, and runs through it just as the dog slams into it.

129 INT. KITCHEN

Fletch is now holed up in the kitchen, panting to catch his breath, feeling the full course of adrenaline pumping through his terrified veins. He sees that he can get to his car by climbing through the window. But in order to get to the window he has to let go of the door, and that would allow the dog to get in.

Looking around frantically, holding the door shut against the furious slamming of the dog, he reaches for and finally grabs a mop which he props under the door knob, thus keeping the door shut. Letting go of the door gingerly, he satisfies himself that the dog cannot get in, and he makes his break for the window.

He vaults up onto the counter top and is just about to break the window when he sees that the dog's continued efforts are about to result in opening the door.

Fletch knows he has only seconds. Standing on top of the counter, he opens the door of the restaurant-sized refrigerator next to him, and just as the snarling dog bursts into the room Fletch starts hurling food at it. A pot roast, sliced turkey with stuffing, a couple of filet mignons. The dog is momentarily distracted. Fletch pours a large bucket of cranberry sauce on the dog.

FLETCH:

Suck on this Cujo!

Then he dumps an equally large bucket of mashed potatoes. With the dog temporarily vision-impaired, Fletch bolts.

130 EXT. SWARTHOUT HOUSE - NIGHT

Fletch runs as fast as humanly possible towards his car, fishing for his keys as he goes. The dog -- having shaken off the people-food from his hateful face -- is seconds behind and closing.

Fletch makes it to his car, hops inside, and slams the door just as the dog leaps furiously at the windshield.

131 INT. FLETCH'S CAR

Fletch makes it to his car, huffing and puffing. The dog jumps across the closed window, snarling and bug-eyed with hatred.

Fletch smiles, waves at the dog, and starts taking its picture with his little camera.

FLETCH:

Gimme a smile! There you go...oh, that's a nice one...

(starting the car)

Everything's fine, now...go take a little nap....

Fletch is ready to pull out, but the dog is still leaping madly at the window. Fletch points back to the house.

FLETCH:

Look! Defenseless babies!

The dog turns to look and Fletch guns it.

FLETCH:

That dog is such an A**hole.

132 EXT. FLETCH'S APARTMENT HOUSE - DAY

Fletch parks his car halfway up on the curb, steps out carrying a small overnight bag. He is unshaven and looks beat.

133 INT. APARTMENT HOUSE - CORRIDOR

Fletch comes down the hall signing "Billie Jean" is an excruciating falsetto.

FLETCH:

'Bil-lie, Bil-lie...'

He opens the door to his apartment and is immediately thrown to the ground.

134 INT. APARTMENT

Fletch is spread-eagled on the floor. Two huge Cops are over him, one holding a gun to his head, the other going through his clothes.

COP #1

(feeling the inseam of Fletch's trousers)

Oh, what's this?

FLETCH:

If I took that out, you guys couldn't fit in here.

COP #1

Funny boy. Look at this....

He produces a heroin bag.

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