Fletch Page #9

WAITER:

I recommend it.

FLETCH:

Fine. And a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon.

To cabana one.

WAITER:

Very good, sir.

The waiter leaves. Fletch looks around, takes a deep breath.

FLETCH:

This is just the nicest place.

154 OMITTED

and

155

156 EXT. CABANA ONE

A little Spanish bungalow-type affair. Old California money-style elegance. Fletch rings the bell.

MRS. STANWYK (V.O.)

Who is it?

FLETCH:

It's John. John...

(forgets name)

Znhcneelsky.

MRS. STANWYK

John Ultramalensky?

She opens the door, clad only in a towel. A towel is wrapped around her head. She seems surprised, but not displeased, to see Fletch. She also seems a little at a loss for words.

FLETCH:

Hi.

MRS. STANWYK

(finally)

Hi.

FLETCH:

I was hoping you'd say that.

They have just shaken hands, and Fletch notices his hand is now sopping wet.

MRS. STANWYK

Uh...I'm just out of the shower.

FLETCH:

Can I borrow your towel for a minute?

She laughs a nervous little laugh. There is a bit of sexual tension here.

MRS. STANWYK

I'm sorry, I'm just surprised to see you. I

didn't think...What do you want?

FLETCH:

I ordered lunch.

MRS. STANWYK

You ordered it here?

FLETCH:

Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be.

MRS. STANWYK

Down boy.

With a nervous glance in both directions, she lets him in and closes the door behind them.

157 INT. CABANA

They stand there for a few seconds looking at each other.

MRS. STANWYK

I really should change.

FLETCH:

No, I think you should stay the same wonderful

person you are today.

MRS. STANWYK

I mean put clothes on.

FLETCH:

Here, take mine.

He starts to take off his shirt. She is amused, and responds playfully, but firmly.

MRS. STANWYK

Stop that!

He does.

MRS. STANWYK

Have you gotten cuter since I last saw you?

FLETCH:

Yes.

She stands there, looking around, trying to act as if her heartbeat weren't speeding up.

SFX:
Knock at door.

FLETCH:

Lunch....

MRS. STANWYK

God....

She goes sprinting into the bathroom.

FLETCH:

Come on in.

The door opens. A second Waiter, Mexican, solemnly wheels in a cart bearing the goodies ordered by Fletch. The twin bottle of Dom Perignon juts from a silver ice bucket.

WAITER:

You want I set up?

FLETCH:

No thanks, I'll do it. Give yourself twenty dollars. Underhill.

WAITER:

Muchas gracias.

FLETCH:

Sierra del fuego.

The waiter bows, leaves, shuts the door. Mrs. Stanwyk scampers back in, gazes at the cart as Fletch takes a bottle of Dom Perignon and pops the cork.

MRS. STANWYK

All this goes on Underhill's bill?

FLETCH:

(offering her a glass)

I saved his life during the war.

MRS. STANWYK

You were in the war?

FLETCH:

No. He was. I got him out.

She laughs and sighs, knowing she's getting into something she probaly shouldn't.

MRS. STANWYK

I can't believe I'm doing this. Well, lets eat.

She tucks a napkin in her towel like a bib and sits at the table.

158 EXT. RAQUET CLUB - DAY

The Underhills have just been handed the bill run up by Fletch.

MR. UNDERHILL

Four hundred bucks for lunch???

WAITER:

Your guest, sir.

MR. UNDERHILL

We have no guest here today.

(reading the bill)

Two bottles of Dom Perignon, hundred bucks a pop.

Jesus H. Christ! Where is he?

WAITER:

I believe he's with Mrs. Stanwyk.

MRS. UNDERHILL

Gail Stanwyk. Tom, if he's with Gail Stanwyk ---

MR. UNDERHILL

I don't care who he's with! This is criminal.

MRS. UNDERHILL

Tom....

MR. UNDERHILL

She's where, cabana one?

WAITER:

Yes sir.

Mr Underhill stalks off.

159 INT. CABANA - DAY

Fletch and Mrs. Stanwyk are having lunch. Fletch sings while he opens the champagne. She is looking at his back which is turned to her.

FLETCH:

'I've been so many places

in my life and times.

I've sung a lot of songs,

I've made some bad rhymes....'

MRS. STANWYK

It's amazing.

FLETCH:

'I've acted out my life on stages,

with ten thousand people watching....'

MRS. STANWYK

Your bone structure, shoulders, neck....

FLETCH:

'But we're alone now,

and I'm singing this song for you.'

MRS. STANWYK

Just like Alan. It's freaky.

FLETCH:

Can I ask you a question?

MRS. STANWYK

Depends on the question.

FLETCH:

Are you still in love with Alan?

MRS. STANWYK

No.

(quickly)

I mean, 'no you can't ask me that.'

I mean, ask me something else.

FLETCH:

Why'd you let me in?

MRS. STANWYK

Because I'm bored. Oh, that sounds terrible, doesn't it.

I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I also let

you in because I'm hungry.

FLETCH:

Thanks, I feel much better. Listen, if you're so bored,

why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?

MRS. STANWYK

Utah is not exactly a cure for boredom.

FLETCH:

Good point.

MRS. STANWYK

Oh, listen to me. I've never even been there and look

what I say about it. Anyway, I know there'd be nothing

for me to do. I don't even know anybody there.

FLETCH:

What about his parents?

MRS. STANWYK

He never sees them and I never met them.

FLETCH:

How come?

SFX:
Insistent knock at door.

Fletch and Mrs. Stanwyk freeze.

MRS. STANWYK

Yes?

MR. UNDERHILL (V.O.)

Mrs. Stanwyk, I hate to disturb you.

Tom Underhill here...I'm a new member.

Fletch rises.

FLETCH:

Thanks for the great time.

MRS. STANWYK

(sotto voice)

What is this?

FLETCH:

Long story.

MR. UNDERHILL (V.O.)

Apparently, someone of your acquaintance has

charged the most extraordinary lunch to my bill.

MRS. STANWYK

(hissing)

John!

Fletch starts pushing the lunch table towards the bathroom.

MRS. STANWYK

You don't know the Underhills?

MR. UNDERHILL (V.O.)

I'd appreciate an opportunity to discuss

this with you.

MRS. STANWYK

I just stepped out of the shower!

Can you give me a minute?

MR. UNDERHILL (V.O.)

Of course.

Mrs. Stanwyk follows Fletch into the bathroom.

160 INT BATHROOM

Fletch jams the cart into the bathroom.

FLETCH:

Take one end.

Mrs. Stanwyk lifts one side of the cart. They lift it and put it up into the bathtub. There's a window in the bathroom. Fletch opens it.

FLETCH:

I'll be leaving now, Mrs. Stanwyk.

MRS. STANWYK

I think you should call me Gail, now.

FLETCH:

Gail. I hope this won't embarrass you in any way. I think

Underhill's a yutz, you won't have any trouble with him.

MRS. STANWYK

Why did you do it?

Fletch shrugs, smiles.

MRS. STANWYK

A four hundred dollar lunch tab!

FLETCH:

Yeah.

MRS. STANWYK

I'll cover it. You have any other surprises?

FLETCH:

(after a beat)

Yeah. My name's not John Ultramalensky and

I wasn't at your wedding.

She stares at him.

MRS. STANWYK

Who.

FLETCH:

Irwin Fletcher. I write a newspaper column

under the name Jane Doe.

A long beat.

MRS. STANWYK

So?

FLETCH:

So, your husband hired me to kill him.

That's the truth.

MRS. STANWYK

What are you talking about?

FLETCH:

That's what I want to know.

161 EXT. CABANA

Mr. Underhill knocks again.

MR. UNDERHILL

Mrs. Stanwyk!

162 INT. BATHROOM

MRS. STANWYK

In a minute!

FLETCH:

He told me he was dying of cancer.

Not True. That ranch you thought you

were paying for in Utah? Not true.

MRS. STANWYK

How do you know about that?

FLETCH:

He's a bad guy, Mrs. Stanwyk. Gail.

I think he's involved in something

very big and very bad.

MRS. STANWYK

What does all this mean?

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