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I must've cried for two weeks straight.

Oh, sure, I went to school

and did the best I could...

...but nothing seemed to matter.

TEACHER:
Juli?

- Huh?

Do you know the answer?

Uh, the Peloponnesian War?

I'm sure that's the answer

to something...

...but I was looking for the area

of a rhomboid.

[CHILDREN LAUGH]

JULl:
Somehow, rhomboids

and isosceles right triangles...

...didn't seem so important.

I rode my bike so I wouldn't have to pass

by the stump...

...that used to be the earth's

most magnificent sycamore tree.

But no matter what I did,

I couldn't stop thinking about it.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Are you okay?

It was just a tree.

No, it wasn't just a tree.

I never want you to forget how you felt

when you were up there.

Thanks, Dad.

JULl:

It was the first thing I saw every morning...

...and the last thing I saw

before I went to sleep.

And once I could look at it

without crying...

...I saw more than the tree

and what being up there meant to me.

I saw the day that my view of things

around me started changing.

And I wondered,

did I still feel the same things about Bryce?

BRYCE:

I've never been a huge fan of eggs.

I mean, I could always just take them

or leave them.

That is, until one day

in Skyler Brown's garage...

...when my feelings about eggs

were solidified.

[BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]

Hey, hey, hey. Guys.

Edna's found her breakfast.

BRYCE:
I mean, if a slimy reptile

found them appetizing...

...there was certainly no place for them

in my diet.

MATT:

Oh, man, that's so cool.

She doesn't even have to chew.

I mean, think of all the time you'd save.

BRYCE:
I could've gone my whole life

not knowing that snakes eat eggs raw...

...if it hadn't been for Lynetta.

She had a major-league thing

for Skyler Brown.

I think it's gross.

BRYCE:
He and Juli's brothers,

Matt and Mark, had formed a band.

And Lynetta would watch them practice.

MATT:

That is so neat.

How about that, huh, Bryce?

Yeah. Neat.

So, Brycie, how do you think

he's gonna digest that?

- Stomach acid?

- You'd like to think that.

Wait, everybody quiet. Here he goes.

[SHELL CRACKING]

Eggs over easy.

Gross. Gross, gross, gross.

Wait, wait.

You haven't seen the best part.

LYNETTA:

Ugh!

Gross.

BRYCE:
I tried to be casual about it,

but it didn't take.

I started having bad dreams.

I'd be trapped inside a huge egg...

...and this monster would open his jaws

and start to devour me.

I'd wake up just in time.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Then the real nightmare began.

Hi, Bryce. I brought these over

for you and your family.

- My chickens are laying eggs.

- What?

You remember Abby and Bonnie and Clyde

and Dexter and Eunice and Florence?

- The ones I hatched for the science fair.

- How could I forget?

BRYCE:

It was classic Juli Baker.

She totally dominated the fair.

And get this, her project

was all about watching boring eggs hatch.

I mean, here I had a live-action

erupting volcano...

...and all anyone cared about

was Juli's boring chicks...

...breaking out of their boring shells.

JULl:

Oh, I think the last one's hatching.

WOMAN 1:
It's hatching.

WOMAN 2:
Oh, it's hatching.

WOMAN 1:

Kids, come over here.

BRYCE:

But hey, she won. I lost.

I've never been one to dwell.

WOMAN 2:

Here it comes.

BRYCE:
But that didn't mean

I had to eat her lousy eggs.

I think it was very sweet of Juli

to bring us those eggs.

I don't care.

I'm still having cereal tomorrow.

Yeah, how do we know there's no chicks

in one of those eggs?

I used to eat farm-fresh eggs

when I was a kid. They were delicious.

Yeah, well, that's all well and good...

...but what if we crack one open

and a dead chick falls out?

Do they have a rooster? If they don't

have a rooster the eggs can't be fertile.

And if they had a rooster, we'd know.

The whole neighborhood would know.

Maybe they got it de-yodeled.

"De-yodeled"?

You know. De-cock-a-doodle-doo'd.

What the hell are you talking about?

Like they de-bark dogs.

Bryce, why don't you just ask Juli?

- I don't think that...

LYNETTA:
What?

- You afraid to talk to her?

- I'm not afraid to talk to her.

[MIMICS CHICKEN]

I know you are, but what am I?

- Okay. Just talk to her and find out.

- Bryce.

How do you tell if one's a rooster?

- Well, a rooster's bigger. Longer feathers.

- Mm-hm.

They've got that red stuff

growing out of their head.

- And around their neck too.

- That shouldn't be too hard to spot.

Although, come to think of it,

chickens have the rubbery red stuff too.

Just not as much.

BRYCE:

Garrett's expertise in roosters...

...was the cornerstone of our plan

to avoid contact with Juli Baker.

The balance of which involved

spying over her back fence.

- Come on, come on.

- Shh. Shh.

Over here.

BRYCE:

I can't see the stupid chickens.

GARRETT:

We gotta get them out of the coop.

[CLUCKING]

BRYCE:

Is that a rooster?

GARRETT:

No, it looks like a chicken.

How can you tell?

It just does.

BRYCE:

See what I mean? Expertise.

- Shh, shh!

- What?

Juli.

JULl:

Here, guys.

Go on, there you go.

- Here, guys. Go on.

- Yeah, they're all chickens.

- There's no rooster?

- What did I just say?

How can you tell?

- Well, none of them are strutting.

JULl:
Here, come on.

- Roosters strut?

JULl:
Come on, guys.

- What did I just say?

JULl:
Here.

GARRETT:
Plus, hardly any of them

have any rubbery red stuff.

JULl:
What are you doing?

- Yeah. They're definitely all chickens.

They're all chickens.

I'm proud of you, Bryce.

- You overcame your fear.

- Huh?

- You talked to her.

- Oh, heh. Yeah.

It's no big deal.

That's what she told you?

They're all chickens?

Yeah.

She's a genius. You're both genius...

Of course they're all chickens.

A rooster's a chicken. The question is:

Is one of them a rooster

or are they all hens?

BRYCE:

Hens? Who said anything about hens?

Then it hit me.

Garrett didn't know jack sh*t

about chickens.

- Do roosters strut?

- Yes, they do.

What does that have to do

with anything?

They're all hens.

Well, the main thing is the eggs are okay.

It's all settled.

BRYCE:

Not for me.

There was no way

I was ever gonna eat anything...

...that had anything to do

with Juli Baker.

I'm not eating them.

Well, why not?

Have you seen their yard? It's...

There's not even any grass.

It's all mud and chicken turds.

Ew. Gross. Salmonella.

Do you suppose

they could have salmonella?

- It's not very likely.

- Why take the risk?

What do we do with the eggs?

Give them back.

- Give them back? To Juli?

- Sure.

You talked to her before, right?

It didn't kill you.

Well, what do I say?

Tell her we don't eat eggs.

Uh, we're allergic to them or something.

Come on, use your brains.

BRYCE:

It didn't feel right to lie.

Besides, even a seventh grader would know

that entire families aren't allergic to eggs.

But I didn't wanna

hurt her feelings either.

So that left me with only one option.

And thus another near-death

experience...

...in my ongoing saga with Juli Baker

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