Flutter

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It's coming for us, Captain!

It has eyes

as big as basketballs.

It can see everywhere,

even in the pitch black water.

It has a beak

like Mom's parakeets,

but a thousand times bigger,

that can cut you right in half,

and eight legs that can

rip a blue whale's head off,

and tentacles that feed it

to its beak.

If it gets me, I'm toast.

If it gets you,

you're a bacon sandwich.

Watch out, Captain!

The leviathan has the ship!

We're going under, Wee Wee!

Hey, Johnathan?

- Johnathan.

- What?

Man, I told you to check

the traps, not go swimming.

- We went fishing.

- You can't fish underwater.

- And who is we?

- Me and Wee Wee.

Don't molest that pig, and go

get ready for school, please.

Naw. Take your medicine.

Mm-mm! All of it.

Come on.

Chew it up.

I wanna see it gone.

Linda!

- Hello.

- You have a collect call from...

Caller, say your name.

- David.

- Do you accept?

Yes.

Hey, Dad.

Is Jo there?

No, she's not.

Would you like me

to give her a message?

No, never mind.

I wrote her a letter.

When are you gonna come home

and take care

of your business, son?

Okay, well, uh...

I gotta go.

- I'll try it later then.

- Listen to me, if you...

So what do you want

to study in school today?

Sea monsters.

Sea monsters are not a subject.

Let's do math instead.

Okay.

I'm nine years old,

and you're 27.

Yes, sir.

That means you were 18

when you had me.

Yeah, well, let's not

do math today either.

Why don't we study science?

We can do dinosaurs.

How about prehistoric

sea creatures?

Okay, fine.

So long as they're real.

Which one's this?

Predator X, which is

a pliosaur with 12-inch teeth.

So was that the baddest

creature in the ocean?

Some people say this one's

the baddest, a megalodon.

But pliosaurs are cooler

than sharks,

and the megalodon

only had 8-inch teeth.

Do you think there

was really an asteroid

that killed them

like that book says?

I guess so.

Well, you know,

I think that's dumb.

I don't think an asteroid

can destroy everything

that's on the whole planet.

I don't even think

a nuclear bomb can do that.

We dropped a couple of those

on Japan in World War II,

and it didn't do nothing.

I still got a radio from the 90s

that was made in Japan.

But they say that asteroid

was a million times stronger

than an atom bomb.

- Hey, hombre!

- What's up, Curtis?

What's up, buddy?

- Hey, Curtis.

- Hi, Jo.

- We got a question for you.

- Okay.

What do you think

killed the dinosaurs?

Well, there was a polar shift,

and Earth's magnets

got reversed.

It went from being 80 degrees

to like 500 degrees

in the shade,

and they all melted

and became tar.

That's where oil comes from.

Fossil fuels.

Now we fight wars over

dead dinosaurs... and drugs.

- Probably right about that.

- I totally am.

Let me guess.

You want a yellow one?

Yes, and some birdseed, please.

You know, you don't have to

buy the parakeet, Curtis.

I know, but you know

what they say.

When in Rome, do as Romans do.

Sh*t in the pope's hat.

Something like that.

Well, here's your, uh, medicine.

- Thank you, Doc.

- Mm-hmm.

The FDA would not approve.

But screw 'em.

This is a pilgrimage.

- What's a pilgrimage?

- Precisely.

This day in modern medicine

has made the pilgrimage

an anachronism.

Kind of like a spider

or something? A tarantula?

No, yeah, an old one that's

out of fashion, lost its touch.

How many birds you got now?

Just this one.

And just a little

something extra for...

I don't take money

for the medication.

- Extra for the beautiful...

- I don't do that.

It's for the beautiful

parakeet, Jo.

It's my favorite one.

Bye, Curtis.

Bye, girl.

Bye!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

- Got you something.

- Thank you.

Thank the jellybean stalk.

Thank you, jellybean stalk!

Ohh!

Whee!

- Hey, Mark.

- Hey.

- Hey, Grandpa.

- Hey, buddy.

- You hungry?

- Yeah.

Grandma's cooking dinner.

She got some of that

chicken casserole you love.

Hey, Johnathan, will you

take that stuff inside

and then go help Grandma?

- Grandpa and I are gonna talk.

- Okay.

We'll see you in a minute,

buddy.

What's up?

Well, David called.

- What'd he say?

- Not much.

I told him you'd had your

electricity disconnected.

And?

Well, he asked me if it'd

be okay if you moved home.

- I am home.

- No. I mean with us.

Well, it's a good thing Linda

wants that as much as I do.

Sweetheart, I don't think

he's coming back.

Linda says she's fine to have

Johnathan stay with us

till things get

a little better for you.

She doesn't think I can take

care of my own son, huh?

I didn't say that.

Are you gonna have dinner

with us or what?

JoLynn!

- Hey, Grandma.

- Hey. Let me see your hands.

Oh, Lord, go wash those

mud mitts right now.

No, no, no, not there.

I'm preparing food.

Go to the bathroom.

And don't touch anything!

Fingernails too.

Is your mom giving you

your eye medicine?

Yeah, twice a day.

Straighten.

Oh, go on.

Hey, Grandpa,

will you tell me the story

about the sea monster

in the lake?

Okay. We were dropping anchor,

and this green ensign...

Now, when I say green,

I mean greener than

a bullfrog's nipple,

greener than them beans

right there, okay?

Has no idea what he's doing.

He's letting that chain

run out into the ocean,

and that chain has links on it

that are this big.

So before we know it,

that guy is ripped

clean off the deck,

and the only thing sitting there

is a severed leg

and a trail of blood

leading straight overboard.

- Whoa.

- Have we heard enough?

No, Grandma,

this is the best part.

Now, you eat those vegetables,

and I'll continue.

So now I have to dive in

to try to retrieve the body.

I mean, for proper burial,

right?

How did you know he was dead?

'Cause I had to swim through

a cloud of blood and sharks.

Did the sharks eat him?

Probably. I don't know

'cause I never found the body.

It was too dangerous,

so I just froze and watched.

And all of a sudden,

up from below came something.

I swear I don't know

what it was,

but it had these big

tentacles that came down

and wrapped themselves around

this full-grown tiger shark

like it was

a little bitty football.

Was it a giant squid?

Maybe, but it jetted back

into the deep blue

before I could get

a good look at it.

I will promise you this, though.

There is nothing

in the entire ocean

that would ever stand a chance

against a creature like that.

All right, are we done?

'Cause I have completely

lost my appetite.

Can I be excused?

Can you be excused?

May I be excused?

Fine.

Hey.

What do you say?

Thank you, Grandma.

You're welcome.

I love you.

Love you too.

Bye, Grandpa.

Bye, Captain.

Can you please pass the salt?

Pretty please?

With shark guts on top.

- Hey, baby, what's the matter?

- My head hurts.

Let me see your eyes.

Here, lie down. I'll get you

some medicine, okay?

Here, baby, here.

Come lie on Mama's lap.

Come lie down.

Chew it up.

The pressure's gonna go down.

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