Following Page #2

all this stuff from the shelves

with the insurance money,

they'll have to think

for the first time in a long time...

why they wanted all this stuff,

what it's for.

You take it away,

and you show them what they had.

Saucy, eh?

Found these in the last flat.

I think I'lljust give them

something to, uh, chat about.

Why would you want

to do that?

She'll find them in his trousers

and ask him what he's been doing.

Yeah, but why would you

want to f*** up their relationship?

Don't you listen?

You take it away...

and show them what they had.

- Fancy a drink?

- You've gotta be joking.

Don't be fooled

by the supermarket label.

I seem to remember I've had this before,

and it was actually quite good.

You'd have had a bit of difficulty

doing this with your gloves on.

- So are we actually

gonna take anything?

- Anything your heart desires.

But that's not really the point,

is it? I mean, this is work.

I thought the whole point

of burglary was taking things.

No, this is the point-- breaking in,

entering someone's life,

- finding out who they really are.

-[ Pouring Wine ]

I mean, don't you just feel it?

Standing here, drinking their wine.

- People we'll never even meet.

- [ Door Opens ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Woman ] Would you like a drink?

I've got some wine.

- What the f--

- Shh!

Oh, you startled us.

Are you from the agency,

- or are you viewing like us?

- What are you doing in my flat?

- Didn't the agent tell you

we'd be here?

- But we're not moving.

You must be the man

of the house. Congratulations.

You have a very nice home.

But we're not moving.

Really? Then I should

check with the agent, love.

- Sorry.

-[ Footsteps ]

Sh*t. We shouldn't have

come up here. We're gonna have

to wait ages to get down again.

Maybe there's a way off here.

Jesus Christ!

Do you think they believed you?

[ Chuckling ] Of course

they didn't f***ing believe me.

- What do you think you were doing?

- I caught them on the hop.

- We surprised them.

- How do you mean?

That bloke wasn't her boyfriend. Why

do you think he didn't say anything?

She was up to no good, and she was

pretty glad we weren't her boyfriend.

- You reckon?

- Why else would she be home in

the middle of the afternoon?

No, you just can't plan

for that kind of f***ing sh*t.

We're unlucky. Don't worry

about it. It won't happen again.

- Well, I'm not so sure.

- Oh, yeah?

Next time you can do

the f***ing prep work.

- No, I didn't mean it like that.

- No, I mean it.

Take your mark, check it out for days,

months,years, whatever.

- It'll be the next place we hit.

- Yeah, all right.

- Tell you what.

- What?

I feel bad about pulling

the panty routine on that bloke.

She's gonna give him loads of sh*t,

and she's the one fooling around.

[ Indistinct Chattering ]

Beer, please.

Thanks.

- Buy you a drink?

- Yeah.

But you can't

sleep with me.

- Why's that?

- 'Cause I'm with the guy over there.

- That bald one?

- He'd let you buy me a drink,

but sex is completely

out of the question.

[ Chuckles ]

- Still want to buy me that drink?

- No.

[ Chuckles ]

- So what's a nice girl like you...

- Doing in a place like this?

- doing with a c*nt like that?

- It's a long story.

Keep your voice down.

- He does own this place.

- I was trying to get your attention.

My name's Daniel Lloyd.

My friends call me Danny.

So?

So you've obviously

had a bad day.

Kind of day that makes you feel

like everybody's out

for their pound of flesh.

Yeah.

I've been having quite a lot

of days like that.

- Say something to me.

- Like what?

See you outside

in ten minutes.

- Oh, I'm sorry. It just--

- It just came apart in your hands.

- It did, actually.

- Yeah, I know. It was broken already.

Somebody dropped it.

I've been meaning to...

fix it, but, um,

I'll probably never

get around to it.

It's a ticker tape

mix of, um--

- So, what about you and this bald guy?

- What about him?

- Going out with him?

- Not exactly.

You and him have got

something going?

No. We used to go out with each other,

but that's been over for a long time.

- So why'd you tell me

you were with him?

- To get rid of you.

[ Chuckles ] So why wouldn't you agree

to have a drink with me?

Did we have to

come here?

He still gets jealous, and I didn't

feel like going back to my place.

- Why not?

- I got burgled yesterday.

What's it feel like,

being, uh, broken into?

Most people ask,

"What did they take?"

I'm curious about

the way people feel.

I'm a writer.

Gosh.

-So?

- So?

- So how'd it feel?

- [ Scoffs ] Great.

Sorry.

- This bald guy's dangerous, is he?

- You are a nosy bastard.

- Dangerous, like how?

- Dangerous, like

criminal-type dangerous.

Dangerous like "involved

in bad things" type dangerous.

- What sort of bad things?

- The usual-- girls, drugs, magazines.

- "Magazines?"

- And films. Pornography.

- And he owns a couple of clubs.

- Wealthy type.

Yes. And refined.

Took me a long time to realize the kind

of things that he was capable of.

What sort of things

are they?

Perhaps another time.

I really think

I should be going.

[ Line Ringing ]

- [ Cobb ] Yeah?

- It's me, Bill.

What the f***

do you want?

- Advice.

- On what?

- On a job.

- What f***ing job?

- The job that I told you about.

- Not interested.

Yeah, I know that.

I'm gonna do it myself.

- I wanna know something

about protection.

- "Protection?"

Yeah, you know, self-defense,

weapons, stuff like that.

Surprisingly enough, I thought you

might be able to give me some advice.

[ Chuckling ]

Steel whip. Nunchakus,

they're all right.

Tools are good. A sharpened

screwdriver, a hammer, a chisel.

- "Hammer?"

- Yeah. Medium-sized, good rubber grip.

It's very nasty. You get a claw hammer,

you can pry doors with it.

Slip it into the back

of your waistband, you're set.

- You still there?

- [ Beeps Off]

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

[ Chuckles ] You might want to get

some of these, for Christ's sake.

- Where did you get them?

- I stole them from Middlessex Hospital.

You can't buy them.

Bin-f***ing-go.

[ Lock Clicks ]

Okay, you get the bag.

I'll check out the stuff.

[ Door Closes ]

- I got one.

- Ah, that's good.

-May not need it. There's f***-all here.

-Really?

- What about the telly?

- It's f***ing useless.

[ Dismayed Grunt ]

What are we, burglars or vandals?

If you're a burglar,

why don't you start burgling?

Uh, what about the tapes?

- Not much of a collection,

but it's a bit personal.

- What do you mean?

It's not the kind of stuff you'd

play to your dinner party guests

to fill in gaps of conversation.

- What sort of music's that?

- Simply Red, Fleetwood Mac,

that kind of sh*t.

- He's got taste?

- Each to his own,

- but he's a sad f***er

with no social life.

-[ CDs Clattering ]

- Ooh, nice machine.

- Maybe he's a writer.

Nah. If he's a writer,

he'd have a word processor.

This guy wants to be a writer.

Those are two totally separate things.

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