For Colored Girls Page #6

"Then the stranger we always thought

lt would be who never showed up

"'Cause it turns out

The nature of rape has changed

"We can now meet them

ln circles we frequent for companionship

"See them at the coffeehouse

With someone else we know

"We could even have them over for dinner

"And get raped in our own houses

"By invitation

"By invitation"

Okay. l'll pick the bastard up.

-l'm looking for my daughter.

-What's her name?

Nyla Adrose.

She's with a social worker.

Police found her passed out in the street.

ln here.

Mama, please don't be mad at me.

Rock of ages, let me hide myself in thee

from this sin.

l'm sorry, Mama.

Can you remember anything at all?

Speak, child.

All l remember

"ls tubes

"Tables

Whitewashed windoWs

"Grime from age wiped over once

"Eyes crawling up on me

"Eyes rolling in my thighs

"Metal horses gnawing

"My womb dead

"Get off of me all of this blood, bones

"Shattered like soft ice-cream cones

"l couldn't have her looking at me pregnant

"l couldn't have my friends see this

"Dying, dangling betzeen my legs.

"So l didn't say a thing

"Not a sigh

"Or a fast scream to get those eyes off of me

"Get those steel rods out of me

"This hurts

"This hurts me

"Nobody came

"'Cause nobody knew

"Once

"l was pregnant

"and ashamed"

of myself.

-Oh, no! No! No!

-What's going on?

Crazy-ass man dropped the children

out the fifth-story window.

Why'd he do that?

l apologize in advance,

but l'm gonna have to ask

each of you a few questions.

-Did each of you witness what happened?

-Yes.

-How do you all know each other?

-Well, l don't know...

l'm the manager of the apartments.

l live next door to her.

-She's my assistant.

-Okay.

Donald.

Excuse me.

-What?

-What did you do? What did you do?

-Mama! Stop it, Mama!

-You sent her there. You sent her there.

-You are the darkness. What did you do?

-You all right, baby?

Get out. Get out.

Do you even know her name?

Do you even know her?

Do you know anything about her? Get out!

-Get out! Get out before l kill you! Get out!

-No, no. Mama, stop it!

What's wrong with you?

Letting all these men

crawl up inside you like that.

How can you have any relationship

with God inside me?

She could've killed her.

-She could've killed me.

-l was with you!

-You think that made it okay?

-Yes!

-l didn't want to be there!

-l was with you!

-l didn't want to be there!

-l was watching her!

You weren't by yourself!

l didn't want to be... You made me go!

She's an alcoholic demon.

She could've killed her.

You sent her there alone.

The pair of you

could not have come from me.

He only left you that money

so you could control me,

like he did.

He used to put his hands up my dress,

told me l was the only one he needed.

He told me l was ugly.

And when l was 1 5,

he gave me to a white man.

He said he wanted beautiful grand-girls.

No.

Not like me.

He said, "Don't sleep with the darkness."

-And then you came.

-Mama, please stop lying.

-He touched you.

-Shut up!

He touched you, too.

l can tell. l can smell it on you.

You don't know me.

l do.

l know you.

"You used to wear

"These orange butterflies...

"l am a deliberate coquette...

-"...And aqua sequins...

-"...Who could never do without...

"...Ensconced betzeen slight bosoms

"...What l want

-"And l wanted to be unforgettable

-"Silk roses darting from behind your ears

-"The passion flower of you...

-"l wanted to be a memory

-"...Meandered down Hoover Street...

-"A wound to every man

-"Arrogant enough to want me

-"...past dark shuttered houses

"Where women from Louisiana shelled peas

Round three o'clock

-"And sent their sons whistling to the store

-"l am the wrath of women in windoWs

"Fingering shades

Lace curtains

-"Camouflaging despair and stretch marks

-"You glittered in heat

"Seemed to be looking for a ride

When you wasn't

-"And absolutely eyed every man...

-"l glittered

-"...Who wasn't lame, white, or nodding out

-"Honestly delighted, l am desired...

"You let your thigh slip

From under your skirt crossing the street

-"...To experience my body and spirit...

-"You slowed to be examined

"...Tearing so easily

Blending with theirs

-"l watched you

-"And they were so happy

"The rhinestones etching

The corners of your mouth suggested

"Tears, fresh kisses

That had done no good...

"Full and wet

"Lined with iridescent feathers

The hairs around your navel...

-"And l kissed them reverently

-"...Seemed to dance and you never let on...

"That you knew from behind

Your waist was aching to be held"

You don't know me.

l know you.

You're the devil.

Get out.

Get out!

You don't know me. You don't know me!

Get out!

You think you're so holy?

You let him do that to me!

You're just like me!

What the hell are you looking at,

you old b*tch?

Nothing.

Open my door.

Not till you apologize

for talking to me like that.

l said open this motherfucking door!

Open my door!

Hey, hey, hey!

What the hell are you doing in here?

Have you lost your damn mind?

Get your ass out of my apartment.

Gilda! Gilda!

Sit down and shut up.

-l'm gonna say this for the last time.

-Sit down and shut up.

lf you don't put this ice on your face,

you're gonna turn black and blue.

You want that?

-lt makes sense, you know.

-What?

You and your mama.

Sleeping with all these men

thinking it's just sex.

lt ain't just sex, honey. lt all has a root.

And you gotta find that root to pluck it.

"At 4:
30 a.m. you rise

Moving the arms and legs that trapped you

"You sighed

Affirming the sculptured man

"And make yourself a bath

Of dark musk-oil Egyptian crystals

"And Florida water to remove his smell

"To wash away the glitter

To watch the butterflies melt into suds

"And the rhinestones

Fall beneath your buttocks

"Like smooth pebbles in a Missouri creek

Laying in water

"You become yourself

"Ordinary brown-braided woman

With big legs and full lips, regular

"And those who fall prey to the dazzle

Of hips painted with orange blossoms

"And magnolia-scented wrists

"Had wanted no more

Than to lay betzeen her sparkling thighs

"And had planned on leaving before dawn

"And when you finish writing your account

Of her exploit

"ln a diary embroidered

With lilies and moonstones

"You place the rose behind your ear

"And cry yourself to sleep"

Damn you, listening to all my business

through this wall.

l used to be you.

Frank?

Not when l need him most.

Why do l always do this sh*t to myself?

l got...

Hey, baby.

-Hey.

-l got your favorite Chinese.

What's wrong?

l'm okay. Just hold me. Just hold me.

-You all right, baby?

-l'm okay.

-l'm okay.

-Baby.

-Just hold me.

-Yeah.

-Hold me.

-lt's gonna be all right, sweetheart.

Where were you?

Playing basketball with the fellas.

Jo, what's wrong?

My assistant's children

were murdered today.

-Wow.

-l saw it.

l saw everything.

For eight years...

Eight years this girl has been working

for me, and l never knew she was abused.

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