For Keeps? Page #3

-We'll do it sooner.

-Right!

-Is this The Sonny and Cher Show?

Mrs. Sitwell would like

her other shoe back.

So she can leave.

-So when do we tell our folks?

-Do we have to tell them?

-Probably.

-Okay, soon.

The sooner the better.

What do you think of that, Donna?

You better like that!

Like it? I'm stunned.

Yeah, that's the Eiffel Tower.

You plug it in.

It lights up, just like the real one.

I know just where I'd like to put this.

Thank you for the belt, Mrs. Bobrucz.

I saw that in the store, I said to myself,

"Who has a waist that little?"

Our Darcy!

She gets that type of a figure

from her mother.

Now, Donna...

...Merry Christmas.

-Now we're gonna have a toast.

-Thank you.

-Dad, what about us?

-Are you kidding?

Sure, I always get my children loaded

on Christmas.

There's yours.

There's yours. Go out to the icebox,

get yourself some ginger ale.

It's great Stan and Darcy

got us together.

Today, we gonna let

bygones be bygones.

I think even Donna will go along

with me on this one.

There is nothing-- I mean

absolutely nothing like family.

Darcy? Honey?

-Merry Christmas, sweetie.

-Merry Christmas, Stan.

Merry Christmas, honey.

Okay. To family.

After all, this was the day Mary

and Joseph started their little family.

That's funny you should mention that.

Here's the thing.

-We're gonna have one too.

-What?

-A family. Darcy and l.

-Oh, well, yeah. Good, great.

God bless you. Someday.

I mean, now.

What the hell are you talking about?

What Stan is trying to say is...

...we've decided to keep the baby.

-You lied.

-No, I didn't lie!

When you asked me how it went,

I said that it wasn't so bad.

But you didn't do anything!

-That's why it wasn't so bad.

-We haven't worked out the details.

Work out this detail! Your future's

going right in the toilet!

We were gonna do it anyway.

We're starting our future now.

-What future?

-We married young.

Yeah, because we were kids!

We could raise the baby

until they finish school.

-Are you nuts?

-We wanna raise our baby.

We'll get an apartment by ourselves

and fix it up nice.

And Stan won't go to Caltech!

He'll spend his life stuffing fat feet

into little shoes!

-It's not gonna be like that, Dad!

-You'll blow the chance of a lifetime!

-Darcy Elliot, this is an act of defiance!

-You don't understand!

-We love each other!

-Young lady...

...learn to keep your mouth shut

and your legs crossed!

You bastard! Don't you ever

talk to her like that again!

-You get out! You get out of my house!

-I left! You didn't throw me out! I left!

Don't come back here looking

for a handout!

Darcy, I should have forbid you

to see him.

-Mother.

-It was a mistake.

-What about Paris?

-Mother, shut up!

Darcy, you come back here!

You are grounded!

Hey, wait up!

-Where are you going?

-With you!

Go back in before

you get in more trouble.

I can't. I just told

my mother to shut up.

-You told you mother to shut up?

-I did. I swear.

Get in the car.

I wish I had a Polaroid of her face.

All right, with cash,

both savings accounts....

My sweet-16 card from Aunt Rene.

-My Christmas club.

-Six gift certificates to McDonald's.

We got...

...$927 and six Big Macs.

Nine hundred and

twenty-seven dollars?

We're practically rich!

-What more can we possibly need?

-More money.

More money.

No pets, no loud music.

Any parties after 10, you're out.

Rent's due first of the month.

I don't get it, you're out.

No drinking, no drugs.

I catch you with drugs, you're out.

-Any questions?

-Yeah. What's that?

A Jacuzzi.

So, what do you think?

It's different.

-It's big.

-Big.

All it needs is a little paint...

-...a little imagination--

-And a bed.

Just grab from the bottom.

It's heavy. You said this would take

five minutes. It's been half an hour.

-What do I gotta do next?

-There is something.

-I want you to be my kid's godfather.

-Godfather?

You just want me

to change the dirty diapers.

Don't worry. As soon as that little

sucker pops out, we housebreak him.

Oh, great timing.

Oh, no. Off the truck with the bed.

-What are you talking about?

-Hi.

Hi, Chris. How you doing?

-All right, let's go. Let's go.

-It's my bed.

Oh, yeah, it's your bed.

Is it your bed?

Did you pay for it? You wet this bed.

I wet on the bed that Lou got,

not on this.

Go ask Darcy's mother for a bed.

Ask her in French.

You want the bed? Take the bed.

I'll buy my own bed

with my own money.

-I'm a bastard, right?

-I love you, Dad. You're beautiful.

You're great, though.

I'm a bastard who's got

his own house.

When the hell did they stop putting

handles on these son of a b*tches?!

Happy New Year.

Oh, no. Put me down. Put me down.

Let me go back and get him.

Happy New Year, man.

I'm covered.

Hey, happy New Year anyway.

What's wrong? What's the matter?

Nothing. Nothing.

It's just that

I've never seen you naked.

-Naked.

-Well, you know, I mean, we did it...

...but I never actually looked at it.

-Come on, we did it six times.

-Five times.

The car, the car, the garage,

the tent, the basement....

-Does that count?

-Of course.

Okay. Well, still,

that's only five times.

The rain?

Oh, yeah.

Still...

...I never actually checked it out.

-Oh, well, you don't have to look.

-No, I want to.

Well?

-It's cute.

-It's cute?

Smurfs are cute.

-Okay, well, what?

-I don't know. Not cute.

Magnificent, maybe. Awesome.

I know it's overused, but on this

occasion, "awesome" wouldn't be bad.

-I'd settle for "big."

-Okay, okay, let me see it again.

Come on, come on.

Oh, my God. My God,

it's huge. It's monstrous.

It's a giant boa constrictor.

Get it away.

Put it away before it kills somebody.

Want to get married?

We don't have to.

I know. I want to.

Don't you?

What's the matter?

Darcy Elliot...

...will you do me the honor...

...of being my lawfully wedded wife?

Please give to Darcy the ring.

The ring.

Please to say after me:

I give you this ring as a sign

of our faith, hope and love.

I give you this ring as a sign

of our faith, hope and love.

I give you this ring as a sign

of our faith, hope and love.

Give me the ring.

May it bind our heart and life.

Excuse me, sir?

May it bind our heart and life.

May it bind our heart and lives.

Oh, that's nice.

-Say it.

-May it bind our hearts and lives.

What's the matter?

My ring's bent.

I'm sorry. I'll get you another one

as soon as I can.

-Really?

-I promise.

Okay.

Are we married yet?

Excuse me, sir. Are we married yet?

Married? Yes. Married.

Hey, slim.

How's the alien?

-Are you scared?

-A little.

Are you lying?

A little.

You know, I had this doll once,

a long time ago.

Her name was Wendy Wets.

-She peed.

-She peed? No.

No, she did. She had these

little diapers and everything.

And I had this other doll.

Her name was Tiny Tears.

When she cried, it was real tears.

And then there was Chatty Cathy.

And you pulled a little string on her

back, and she started to talk.

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