For Keeps? Page #5

-Can she have a pill?

-lt'll hurt the baby.

-I hurt!

-Doing fine without it.

-But I can't take it.

-It's okay. lt'll be over soon.

I can't take it!

-Try and relax. You're doing great.

-Pattern breathing.

Do the pattern breathing.

Screw the pattern breathing.

I want a painkiller!

Okay. Now push down.

Push down. That's it.

A little harder. Little harder.

Push against my fingers.

Real hard now. Real hard.

-Real hard. That's it. That's the way.

-It's ripping. It's burning.

-Keep pushing. That's it.

-Good.

-You got it. Push hard. You can do it.

-I can't.

-Push.

-Take a deep breath.

-Blow out and take a breath.

-That was a good push.

That was great. Baby's coming out.

Real quick breath.

Okay, we're getting close, guys.

-Push, push, push.

-Okay, baby's head is out.

Now, don't push.

Take in nice, slow breaths.

-Oh, my God. Look at it.

-Just breathe. Okay?

It's a girl.

There she is. Take a look at her.

She looks great.

-She's beautiful.

-That was terrific. You're a brave girl.

Perfect. Stan, would you like

to cut the cord?

lsn't there someone

a little more qualified?

Darcy, would you like

to hold your daughter?

She's nice.

I want my mother.

-Stan, would you get my mother?

-Yeah.

Let me suction her out

a little bit more.

Right here to the right.

If you could just speak

to her calmly, with sensitivity--

Mrs. Elliot, I've been

an adoption liaison for 1 0 years.

If she gives up her child, she has

six months to change her mind.

No, no, she'll be in Paris by then,

and after that, college.

Excuse me. I'm Mrs. Elliot,

Darcy's mother.

-Elliot?

-Bobrucz. Darcy Bobrucz.

Sure. Around the corner, 3C.

Has Darcy seen her baby yet?

Has she seen her baby yet?

Well, I should say so.

Say hi to Grandma.

Oh, my God.

We lose a lot of them this way.

Bye-bye.

Hello.

Oh, God.

-Hi.

-Hi.

How's my girl?

I saw her.

She's beautiful.

You cut your hair, huh?

Yeah, I like it.

You know, I don't know why

I didn't think of this before.

We can all go to Paris.

Oh, you know, the Europeans

are so fabulous with babies.

They take them to restaurants

at 11:
00 at night...

...give them wine

when they're a day old.

We'll stay in some

quaint little hotel...

...and we'll order up

room service and--

Mom, just forget the trip, okay?

-Stan has to work.

-No, I'm not talking about Stan.

Just you and me and the baby.

It'll be three generations--

Mom, Stan's my husband.

I'm married. Why--?

God, why can't you

just be my mother?

Why can't you just crawl

in bed with me right now...

-...and put your arms around me?

-Just what is it you want?

Just don't be my friend, okay?

-But I am your friend.

-No, I don't want that.

I can't. It comes

with all these strings.

When you're a mother,

you just love somebody. That's it.

-Why can't I be your friend?

-Just get out.

-Darcy.

-Just get out.

Leave me alone.

Okay.

I don't want to be your friend.

-Excuse me. We only had one baby.

-Oh, I know. It does add up.

Here you are.

Seven hundred and fifty dollars?

-We're on a payment plan.

-Those are extras.

Extras.

Oh, wait, there's more.

Let me have that back.

Sure you don't want to hold her?

How could you

name a baby Theadosia?

We kicked around names like

Jennifer and Leslie and--

-I named her after my grandmother.

-I know, but Theadosia?

It sounds like a Greek fishing boat

or a crater on the moon.

We needed a name

for the birth certificate. I asked you.

Look, call her anything you want.

Just call her something, for chrissake.

Mr. Bobrucz?

Sure you don't want to hold her?

Extra extras.

This is Jeopardy. Now entering

the studio, today's contestants.

This is Jeopardy. Now entering

the studio, today's contestants.

A plumber from Antlers, Oklahoma,

let's welcome Johnny Lee Bartlett.

-Is she breast-feeding?

-She doesn't even want to hold her.

The doctor says it's just a phase.

Her age, all the changes.

The natural tendency

to mother will kick in.

I mean, it's a genetic animal instinct.

-You mean, like Wild Kingdom?

-Sort of.

I don't know, man.

Maybe she didn't get enough oxygen

to her brain during the delivery.

Maybe she wanted a boy.

Because, you know, in China

they only allow one kid per family.

So sometimes if they have a girl first,

they'll kill it.

-Retro.

-It's true.

Stan, this is a complex

manifestation of jealousy.

You're paying too much attention

to the other woman.

I didn't know you could pay

too much attention to a baby.

I know. I know.

-Is that my niece?

-Say hi to your Aunt Mary.

-She's so cute.

-Hi, honey.

-How are you?

-Oh, let me have that baby.

Oh, don't be upset.

Look at those teeny-weeny feet.

Look at those teeny-weeny feet.

Look at those ears.

-Does Dad know you're here?

-Are you kidding?

-Where's Darcy?

-She's in the bedroom.

Postpartum depression.

How did Stan and Darcy

get the name?

What?

Did Stan and Darcy name

the baby after Grandma?

Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

How did Grandma get her name?

Oh, well, from her mother, of course.

My grandma Theadosia.

Grandma was nice.

I wish she wasn't in heaven.

Yeah, me too, Mary.

Was your grandmother nice?

Oh, nice. Hey, my grandmother

was the best.

Gee, I remember one time,

I was just about your age...

...I broke a window at school.

My mother was away,

I don't know where.

Anyway, the principal called

my grandmother down to his office.

-Did you get in trouble?

-See, that's the thing of it.

The thing was, not only did

my grandmother pay for the window...

...she didn't tell my father.

Because if she had told my father...

...I still wouldn't be able to sit

down right, you know what I mean?

See, that's the thing of it.

Grandparents, they love

you so much...

...that even when you do something

wrong, you know...

...they don't see the wrong in it.

-Dad.

-Yeah.

Are you a grandparent?

Here, wear this if you're

gonna be out in the sun.

Back with a third straight week,

our returning champion...

...a plumber from Antlers, Oklahoma,

Johnny Lee Bartlett.

Honey, baby, that stinks.

Oh, my God, we're talking

Guinness Book here!

We're bronzing this one.

We have to call the fire

department and hose this girl down.

Mommy's not feeling well today.

You have to tell her our funny

stories and make her laugh.

How did that feel?

My princess.

My little girl is squeaky clean.

Your daddy loves you so much.

Daddy's gonna miss you tonight.

That's right. Oh, you smell so good.

You want to hold her for a while?

She misses you, you know.

Your daddy loves you so much.

Here's your blanket.

Take care of Mr. Blondie

for me, all right?

Don't you pee on Mr. Pinkie.

She's all clean,

and the formula's in the fridge.

I'm late. I gotta go back for inventory

before Kolby kills me.

I'll lock up.

Bye. I hope you feel better.

"I felt like when she was

being ripped out from inside of me...

...everything I loved

about being young...

...was ripped out at the same time."

If I could just learn

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