For the Boys

1

- Stay wide. Stay wide.

- Audio. Wherefore art thou, audio?

New York, sending bars and tone.

- Dave, when is she gonna be here?

- When?

- Don't look at me. I don't know.

- In our lifetime would be nice.

This is Houston Control. I'd like an ETA

on the royal personage Dixie.

- And what about Eddie?

- Eddie's been here since last Wednesday.

Yeah, in make-up.

- They're calling the kid.

- What kid?

- Jeff, Stan's assistant. He's picking her up.

- Terrific.

- Y'ello.

- Jeff, how you doing? How's she look?

- I'll tell you in two minutes.

- You're not there yet?

- Just pulling up.

- We have camera warm-up at six.

I want her here at 4.30 sharp

and that doesn't mean 4.31.

- No problem.

- This lady eats kids like you for breakfast.

Stanley, relax. I got it covered.

4,30 in make-up or it's your ass,

All right. Mazel ciao, babe.

Jesus Christ! Get that light off me!

You're gonna blind me!

Excuse me. Miss Leonard's apartment?

- Number 10 over there.

- Thanks.

Miss Leonard.

Miss Leonard.

Hello?

Miss Leonard?

Miss Leonard.

Who the hell are you?

- Miss Leonard.

- Uh-uh.

I'm Miss Leonard. You care to try again?

Jeff Brooks.

The awards dinner.

You and Eddie Sparks.

- I ain't going.

- Excuse me?

- I ain't getting on a stage with Eddie Sparks.

- Why not?

Because Eddie Sparks is

a goddamn son of a b*tch, that's why.

Miss Leonard, you're the guests of honour.

It's you and Eddie.

You accepted six months ago.

It's the President's Medal,

the president of the United States.

- I never voted for him.

- They've got a live satellite feed.

It's 50 million people.

I don't understand.

Then let me explain it. F***

the 50 million people and f*** Eddie Sparks.

- You wanna hear it in French?

- No.

What's so funny?

I was just thinking I can't wait to be old

so I can talk to people like that.

- A clever one.

- Clever enough to fix this record player.

Oh, yeah?

My mother always said these hands

could mend anything but a broken heart.

OK, genius. You got two minutes.

But don't get too comfy, all right?

You're in on a pass.

Yes, ma'am.

It's none of my business,

but you think you oughta be smoking?

Honey, I shouldn't even be breathing.

Oh.

That's the problem.

There we go.

- May I hear the record?

- I ain't going to that cockamamie dinner.

So you can drop the charming act.

Yes, ma'am.

1942. The big one.

It was the war, right?

Yeah, the war. Everybody's big break.

Dixie, there's a shortage of acetate.

We're running out of blanks.

I'm sorry. I just... I was just wondering

what was going on in there.

There's a message for you, Dixie.

- Dixie Leonard.

- Mrs Michael Leonard?

Yes, sir.

- War Department cable. Sign here, please.

- No, I can't. Milt, you...

- Danny, come here.

- What's wrong, Mommy?

- Please, honey, just come here.

- Come on, Dix, relax.

- Let's not have a...

- What?

You know.

"To Dixie Leonard." Blah, blah, blah.

"From Headquarters Special Services,

US Army, Windsor Court Hotel, London."

"You're a poopsie. Have gone out on

enormous limb to convince Eddie Sparks

you are ideal replacement for sick

June Davis for big Christmas tour."

"Drop everything. Bring one sweater,

two pastrami sandwiches, all your charts."

"Love, Uncle Art."

- You're fooling?

- I'm jealous!

- Is it from Daddy?

- No, it's from Uncle Art. Daddy's fine.

- He's fine. Go play.

- Is Uncle Art your fairy godfather?

No. Art Silver, Eddie Sparks' head writer.

I knew they were over there but...

Eddie Sparks, he's so cute.

I got such a thing for him.

- Get in line, honey.

- From what I hear, you have to.

So I leave everything and run over to London

just because Eddie crooks his little finger?

You gonna turn down

a USO tour with Eddie Sparks?

That's a career maker.

Danny, how'd you like to come and spend

a few weeks with your Aunt Corrine?

Do you know how much I love you?

How much?

- How big?

- Bigger than the sky.

You're a guest here,

so you have to pick up after yourself

and you have to eat all your vegetables or

Santa Claus isn't going to give you one thing.

Do you understand?

Are you gonna bring Daddy back?

Well, Daddy's doing such a great job

fighting the bad guys over there,

they need him for a little longer.

You mean when he kills all the Germans,

then he can come home?

Absolutely the same day.

- Sing me.

- Which one?

You know.

There's a place

Way up high

Starry bright there

through the night there

Close your eyes

Let your wishes fly

You'll be in dreamland by and by

They're here.

Eddie! Eddie!

- Let's go.

- Now, Mr Sparks?

No, next Tuesday.

There's gonna be a major riot here.

- We're going in one minute.

- She's late. I told you we shouldn't wait.

Eddie, I didn't make the fog.

Girl singers. God save me

from girl singers.

- Art says she's dynamite.

- Art says?

Art's her goddamn uncle.

What do you expect?

- Where is Art?

- I'll find him.

Dixie! Dixie!

I made it! Hi!

- Oh, God!

- I'm so glad to see you.

- Let me look at you. You look beautiful.

- I didn't think I'd ever get over. Here, here.

- You remembered. Pastrami, you angel.

- I'm beat.

Eddie, I almost forgot.

Art says to open with this.

- Does he?

- The entire bomb group got back. No losses.

- Who do you wanna see?

- Eddie!

- What's his name?

- Eddie!

- Speak up. I can't hear you. Who?

- Eddie!

Oh, him. The cute one.

You requested him.

Now here he is. Eddie Sparks!

The band play on, Eddie does his monologue,

ha-ha-ha-ha, then he intros Vicki.

- Who's Vicki?

- Dancer, friend of Eddie's, hubba hubba.

Got the picture?

Then Eddie out, intro Dixie.

- Wow. What the heck's that?

- They must have started.

I just got a couple of scores

for you guys here.

Chicago 14, Philadelphia 3.

898th Bomb Group 21...

Germans nothing.

- It sounds like the Army-Navy game.

- You'll get used to it. Try and learn this.

- It's a comedy spot. You and Eddie.

- What?

- Nothing to it.

- I can't do a comedy spot.

It's OK. It'll all be on cards.

Funnies with the girl singer.

It's Eddie's trademark. They expect it.

- What are you gonna sing?

- "Stuff Like That There."

- Is it up?

- It's up. It's bouncy.

Comedy spot, you and Eddie, ha-ha-ha-ha,

then "Stuff Like That There", then applause,

Wally and the band,

then wrap up Eddie, bye-bye.

- So when do we rehearse all this?

- Rehearse? Dixie, this is it.

- Hello, Dixie. Sam Schiff, Eddie's producer.

- Hi.

- He's really excited about your being here.

- That's wonderful. Anything for Eddie.

- Sounds good.

- He could run for prime minister. I'm serious.

- Why not king?

- I was thinking Fhrer,

I'll see you later.

This bundle of joy is Loretta,

Eddie's other writer,

our wardrobe mistress and my love slave.

Dream on. Hi, Dixie. I'm Loretta.

Nice to meet you. Easy. How you feeling?

Like the Ringling Brothers

were camping in my mouth.

Thank God... a live one. You go on after Little

Bo Peep. Why don't we get you dressed?

Song! Song! Song!

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