Forget Paris Page #2

but he's trying not to go off on anyone.

This is a guy

who argues for a living.

He tells shaquille o'neal

to shut up.

But he doesn't want to

be the ugly american.Can i see your superior?

Please, look, i know that you people

are still angry over eurodisney.

But please don't

take it out on me.

Okay, okay. Whatever you do,

i am not gonna lose my temper.

But finally...

If i was hitler,

you'd give me my father!

You'd give me everything in your whole

goddamned country! Where is my father?

Two days.

Two days?

He was in that

airport two days.

Monsieur gordon, will you

come with me, please? Oui!

But the airline was nice.

They gave him free almonds.

Where does ellen come in?

Now.

Bon. Merci infiniment

pour votre aide.

Je vous en prie. Au revoir.

De rien.

Au revoir.Au revoir.

Bon chance.

Au revoir. Et vous aussi.

Mr. Gordon,

i'm miss andrews.

Would you care to come

into my office?

Veronique,

pas de telephone. Oui, madame.

Merci.

Please, have a seat.

How are you feeling today,

mr. Gordon?

How am i today?

I am a mass of good will.

You're american.Yes.

On behalf of the airline,

i would like to apologize for any problem...

Problem?

There's no problem.

You lost my father; my rear end has

become molded to a plastic chair;

And i've got amazing gas

from eating those almonds.

I've never been happier in my life.

I'm a walking mardi gras.

That's very funny, really. You have a

delightfully sharp way of expressing yourself.

A terrible thing has been done to you,

and we are very sorry.

You have every right

to insult, belittle...

And abuse the staff

who have tried to help you.

In fact, we thank you,

and we voted you "traveler of the month."

So, congratulations.

- Is there anything else you'd like to say?

- No, i think that's it.

Good.

We found your father.

The coffin landed here, but,

evidently, it was mis-Tagged.

See? You should always

tip more at the curb.Oh, definitely.

Then it accidentally

was sent to switzerland.Switzerland?

We had some trouble

dealing with them.They're vicious.

They punched holes in my cheese.

I thought they were neutral.

They insisted on holding your father

in quarantine for health reasons.

He's dead! He has no health.

He's been de-Healthed.

Hey, there he is. Okay?

Let's get out of here.

Oh.

Do you have

the claim checks?Why?

Are there two of these here

that look exactly alike?

My coffin has red yarn

on the handle.

Hey, what are you doing?

We have to make sure

that this is your father.

If it's an angry little guy giving you the

finger, it's him. Don't make me look at him.

I'm sorry, but with all the confusion,

i really need you to identify him.

Then put him on his stomach,

because i'm used to seeing him walk away.

Right.

- Okay?

- Okay.

It's enough.

It'll be fine. Come on.

Waiter? Pardon, monsieur.

Garcon!Ooh, that looks good.

Hi.

Are you alone?Alone? I don't even

have silverware.

Sit down.Thanks.

What exactly is that?

This?

I don't know.

I thought i'd ordered a martini,

but apparently i ordered a backyard.

Are you hungry?

Can i order you the wrong thing?

Oh, no, thank you.

I'm on my way out for the evening.

Yeah, i noticed.

Auto show?

No, actually,

i'm going to the opera.Oh.

Don't leave

until the fat lady sings.

Oh, i never do.

Waiter, please.

This is ri...

Oh, it's a loaner.

I didn't have a jacket.Right. I guessed.

But it's a good look for me, don't you think?

The ellis island collection.

Yeah, it's you.

And i don't even know you.

Anyway, i really have to go,

But i wanted to drop by to tell you

that everything is taken care of.

We'll deliver the casket

to the cemetery.

A car will pick you up at 8:00 and

bring you back to the airport.

For your return flight,

we've upgraded you to first class.

And the ticket is free

both ways.

And that's supposed to make

up for losing my father?

We're also picking up

your hotel bill.Yes!

Well, i'll leave you

in your grief.

Will anybody else be needing

transportation to the cemetery?

No. I will be

the only one there.

Oh, how sad.

Good, 'cause

it's a funeral.

Right.

Okay. Bye-Bye.Bye.

Um, miss andrews?

I just wanted to thank you,

you know,

Not just for the plane and the car,

but for today with my father.

You were really

understanding.

Well, it was the least

i could do.

Well, good-Bye,

mr. Gordon.Bye.

Oh, it's in there somewhere.

There you go.Here.

All right. Bye.

This is my father.

He fought in the war here.

These were his buddies.

Amis.

Well, you're here.

I brought you here

like you wanted.

Thanks for not getting

killed so i could be born.

Okay.

That was very sweet.

What are you doing here?

Nobody should bury

their father alone.

- I'm mickey.

- Ellen.

Do you come here often?

You would've been more

comfortable in the limousine.

No, i'm much more

comfortable here.

So i take it you and your

father weren't very close. No.

He left

when i was ten.

But i'll never forget the

last thing he said to me:

"Get out of my way!"

You can't buy memories like that.

I suppose not.

Anyway, i'll have you to the

airport in an hour and a half.

The drive's a breeze.Oh! See, i would never

say something like that.

Like what?Like "it's a breeze."

I'm real superstitious and that's

like begging for disaster.

Like those old war movies, where after the

battle they're talking about going home,

And there's some guy

named brooklyn...

"When i get back home, i'm gonna see

my dodgers play in ebbets field.

Gonna get me a nice hot dog

and then i'm gonna..."

I mean, it always

happened, right?

If ever i get on a small plane and

there's a storm outside, i never say:

"Piece of cake.

We'll be there in an hour."

Never say famous last words

because they could be.

You're a disturbed person,

aren't you?

You have no idea.

According to mickey, he was really

working hard all the way back to paris.

You know those japanese

science fiction movies?

Big dinosaurs on the streets and those people

run out, they just wait to get stepped on.

They run out...

- Then they just wait.

- He's got the charm turned up to warp factor 7.

And she seems to like him,

but he's not sure.

Well, i just never knew that

about wilt chamberlain.

Well, they say it's true,

but, you know...well, i-I had a great time.

Thank you for everything.

We've gotta stop meeting like this.

Bye.

Au revoir.

Take care of yourself.

Okay.

Have a good flight.

Can i ask you

a question?Sure.

Does this ticket haveto be

for this afternoon?

That was prepared for anytime you want

to use it. Did you want to change it?

Well, i was just thinking,

it's so silly.

I-I've never been to paris,

and maybe i should do some sightseeing.

Sightseeing? In paris?

What a bizarre notion.

W-What do you got here?

What have we got here?Yeah.

You got anything?

We got some stuff.Yeah? Like

what kind of stuff?

Would you like to see

the eiffel tower?That's here?

See?You got

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