Four Rooms Page #6

(already weary of these girls)

Yeah, yeah, Honeymoon Suite.

EVA:

Oh . . . yes . . . I'm late.

She lowers her eyes, worried.

TED:

All right--lemme give ya a hand.

EVA:

Oh . . . no, that's all right. I can carry them by myself.

She is so sweet and sincere that he feels like a heel to have been

irritated with her. He picks up her bags.

TED:

I'm a man doin' a job--no hero.

Eva smiles, beautifully.

EVA:

Well gosh--thank you!

IN THE ELEVATOR:

Ted holds Eva's hippy sacks as she holds her black pot. There is a shy

quiet tension here.

EVA:

Tell me, how long have the others been here?

TED:

About an hour.

Eva's heart sinks. They arrive at the door. He carries her bags in.

IN THE SUITE:

The room is entirely transformed into a beautiful glowing palace with an

elaborate altar, both earthly and the other-earthly. The other four girls

are arranging the altar as Eva enters.

ATHENA:

You are very late, Eva.

EVA:

I'm sorry, Athena. I was attending a birth and the placenta

was late in coming.

Ted is slightly queasy. She hands him a tip and smiles, then takes it back.

EVA:

Oh, wait, lemme give you a little more than that . . .

Ted's no fool, he waits while Eva looks through her change purse.

ELSPETH:

Which birth is more important to you, that of a mortal or

that of a goddess?

EVA:

All life is precious . . . but I do apologize for being late, Elspeth.

JEZEBEL:

Back home, they jist yank on the umbilical cord, do a Karate

chop on the mama's belly, and them things come right out.

EVA:

They do that here, too, Jezebel, in the hospitals, but it

causes hemorrhages. I fed the mother a bowl of comfrey tea

and it brought the afterbirth down perfectly. The couple

are going to use it for fertilizer to plant a lovely tree for their baby.

KIVA:

Oh wow--if they were really back-to-nature, they'd eat it,

like other mammals do.

CLOSE ON Ted's face as he gets thoroughly grossed out.

RAVEN:

In some Native American cultures, they dry the umbilical

cord, grind it to a fine powder, and put it in a leather pouch

that the baby wears to ward off evil. But burying the placenta

is also a very sound ecological practice--'cause of the oxygen

it carries.

EVA:

(cheerfully to the others)

Yes--because you see when the placenta detaches from the

uterine wall . . .

TED:

(wincing in disgust)

Uh, thank you, ladies--I'll be going now. If you need anything--

Eva places a nice tip in his palm.

ATHENA:

Wait. We do need a few things.

Ted sighs as Eva enters the circle with her black pot. She kneels softly,

holds her hands in piety before the altar, and softly incants as she offers

her pot and places it on the altar. The stone and sword and flowers now

rest here on pillows covered in chiffon scarves. The negligee hangs from

the mantel, the slippers underneath as if expecting someone to materialize

into the garments.

ATHENA:

We need fresh rosemary from the kitchen. Mostly what we

need is from the kitchen. Hey, are you listening?

Ted is watching Eva, enchanted.

TED:

Yeah, yeah, rosemary.

ATHENA:

And a little bit of sea salt or Kosher salt if you don't got no

sea salt. A bottle of spring water--Italian please, not

French sh*t.

KIVA:

And some french fries!

ELSPETH:

Kiva, shut up.

ATHENA:

(irritated)

And some ginger, two of the eyes of a trout fish, and a piece

of raw meat, liver if you have it.

KIVA:

(whining)

I want fries--you dumb jerks with your stupid f***ing ritual!

ATHENA:

Shut up, you little sh*t.

ELSPETH:

Don't talk to her that way!

Ted has scribbled down the items as she speaks. He looks at this list and

these girls and shudders as he walks away. He turns, points at Eva.

Ted smiles at this angel of a girl. She smiles back. But, as she looks him

in the eyes, he feels a strange buzzing connection happening. He holds his

head, almost swooning with dizziness. Athena smirks.

ATHENA:

Get to work, man.

Ted comes out of his daze, looks at the list again and huffs off. After he

goes, the girls begin to bring forth their most treasured offerings in

ornate ancient bottles, vases or vials.

Jezebel folds her arms and clears her throat in the direction of Kiva,

sitting idly on the edge of the blue water Jacuzzi, with her feet dipping

irreverently in the water.

ELSPETH:

Kiva . . .

KIVA:

What?

ELSPETH:

You have to go in the next room now.

KIVA:

Oh, wow, like I'm bummed out that I can't watch.

(whining at Elspeth)

I'm bored!

ELSPETH:

UP!

She climbs up the stairs, trying to pull the brat to her feet.

KIVA:

Don't put me in there by myself. I'll miss you way too much.

ELSPETH:

Kiva, don't do this to me.

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