Frat Party Page #2

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Oh, speak of the devil, bro.

Here comes Adriana

and her f***ing hot-ass friends.

Why are all her friends

so f***ing hot?

What's up, baby girl?

Hey, Adriana.

Hey, Kristen. Hey, Cherie.

Hey, baby.

Want to go take a walk with me?

Sure enough.

- Take that.

- Okay. I'll see you guys later.

Hey, I was just about to get down

on some video games.

F*** you, Duffy!

So, what are you gonna do?

- About what?

- Don't be coy with me, Duffy.

Babe, come on.

This is the last party

of my college career.

It's going to be amazing. I'm going

to talk about it for like 30 years.

All my buddies

are going to be there.

Yeah, it's all your nasty,

porn-addicted, gross,

perverted buddies.

Gamma House?

Really, babe.

Come on. You could've

done so much better.

That place is disgusting.

I'm offended.

I'm a little bit offended.

It's... it's actually

the best fraternity in history.

- Mm. Mm-hmm.

- It was in a magazine.

Oh, cool.

"Frat Boy Mag"?

- Yeah, so?

- Awesome.

(clears throat)

Come on, Duffy.

Come home with me, all right?

Our wedding is in two days.

Do you realize that?

- Two days.

- Okay.

I will see you

on Saturday morning.

- (groans)

- I'm not supposed to see the bride

- before the wedding, anyways.

- I will take the red-eye.

What? You're going to take

a red-eye to your own wedding?

It's an easy flight. I'll be there

first thing in the morning.

Yeah... hung-over.

Is Kelly going?

- What?

- Kelly.

Kelly, you know?

Kelly... Kelly Kelly...

- whore Kelly... slut Kelly...

- Yeah, I know...

- Remember? Kelly?

- Yeah.

I don't know... I don't know

if she's going to be there.

- I don't know who's going to be there.

- God. Yeah.

- It's a big party.

- Mm-hmm. Duffy,

if you so much as touch her arm,

you're dead meat.

You have nothing

to worry about.

It's not you I'm worried about.

It's your friends

and all of your ex-girlfriends.

Babe, it's just... your father

has a thousand divisions

and they're all in these

little tiny countries.

- (laughs)

- And so, this is the last time

I'm going to be on American soil

for a long time.

Duffy, come on. You know

you need to learn the business.

And Bulgaria?

Oh my God, how much fun.

Whoa... Bulgaria?

- Yeah.

- You didn't tell me Bulgaria!

Bulgaria... like prostitution's

the biggest way

- to make money in Bulgaria.

- (laughs)

That place is scary, babe.

I need... okay.

That... that just proves my point.

I need to be here.

I need to party one last time

in the United States of America...

- Oh yes.

...because I'm a patriot.

- (laughs)

- And I'm gonna marry you

in this great country

on this soil

because I pledge

my allegiance to you...

- (laughs)

...because I love you.

You are f***ing nuts.

Do you know that?

And that might be

one of the reasons why I love you.

Have I ever told you

I dreamt about you

- when I was like 10 years old?

- Mm. No.

You were the same size,

the same age,

- but I was 10 and I remember you.

- (laughs)

- You're a dork.

- I know.

I swear to God,

you call me.

Do you understand?

You call me from the party,

you call me when you get to LAX

and you call me

when you land

in San Francisco, okay?

Do not forget.

You call me, Duffy.

- So, what... what am I doing again?

- Oh, you're calling me.

Oh, call you.

Yeah, I'll call you.

I'll call you

whenever I have service

and I will see you first thing

in the morning

in Napa for our wedding.

Papa's gonna kill you.

Mm.

Babe, we... we talked about it

and he didn't even care.

He just... he was more concerned

about his friends and the family,

everyone going to the wedding.

And I promise you,

when I get to that reception,

I will just lick his a**hole clean...

Eww. And you'd better, okay?

You need to make him love you.

I will.

Well, I'll see you in Napa.

(rock music playing)

# Last night I met this girl #

(rock music playing)

# Last night I met this girl #

# Her name was December #

# She asked me if I would... #

So, what'd she say, bro?

She's gonna let me do it!

Oh my God!

Dude, you are the man!

- Of course.

- I can't believe she let you do it.

Dude Mac, we talked

about this months ago.

She's cool with it.

What about the rehearsal dinner?

Technically, it's a family dinner

the night before the wedding,

so it's not that big of a deal.

Semantics, dude, semantics.

Home sweet home.

# Baby, are you such a cutie? #

# She asked me

"Is yours guaranteed?" #

- # Now could you talk to me? #

- Hi, Duffy.

Duffy:

Hi... Olivia?

- Close enough.

- # What do you mean? #

# Said now, baby #

# Are you such a cutie? #

# She asked me

"Is yours guaranteed?" #

# Now could you talk to me? #

# I said I've fallen... #

Yeah, I'm gonna need

three iron maidens.

I'm looking for handcuffs,

firecrackers,

lube, olive juice...

this might sound weird,

but how much are clowns?

We need magic at this party.

Um, let me know ASAP.

Okay. TTYL.

(smooches)

Chadster!

- Chad:
What is up?

- What the hell are you ordering, bro?

- Supplies, my brother.

- What's up, buddy?

- Duffy-Duff-Duff.

- Mac:
Sounds nice.

Guys, this party's gonna

be off the f***ing chain.

Dude, sounds like it.

That's why we put your ass in charge.

Yeah, of course.

I've been working since 6:00 A.M.,

- I don't stop.

- Gamma Spa open.

- Oh, yes.

- Chad:
No.

- Gamma Spa!

- Chad:
Not me, not me.

Guys, I no longer deal

with anything Asian.

Duffy:
That is the most

racist thing I've ever heard.

I think she's Chinese anyway, bro.

Look, forget him.

Me and you, Duff.

- She's got two hands.

- You see that?

"No full service."

Yeah, that's for people

who aren't Gamma.

Come on.

- Hey, sweetie.

- I didn't know we had a statue of you.

Mac:

Shut up. It's just me on a toilet.

Hey! Let me see them cheeks!

(laughs)

(Asian flute music playing)

- Here, Macky.

- (Mac giggles)

Hey, massage only, buddy.

Dude, come on.

Don't be such a puss.

Puss? Bro, l... I'm engaged.

I'm getting married.

Yeah, you're getting married.

Key word..."getting."

Make this your last one.

It'll be cool.

And no bachelor party sh*t.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

I'm your best man!

It's my job to throw you

the sickest bachelor party.

Dude-dude-dude...

bachelor party, frat party

all combined into one.

Being here is my bachelor party.

No. You being here

is a f***ing happy ending.

The bachelor party's after this.

Duffy:

Oh, God.

Massage only.

Mac:

Yeah, for now.

He might change his mind and get the...

(clicks teeth)

With me.

My God, Adriana.

What? What?

I mean, come on now.

He should be going with you right now.

Would you stop it?

It's gonna be fine.

- No, he's a piece of sh*t.

- Oh my God.

Oh my God. Okay?

You're my bridesmaid in my wedding.

- You need to stop.

- And I don't think it's right...

- Right?

- Yes, Duffy is a nice guy.

- Yeah.

- He's gonna be a good boy at the party.

- Yeah.

- Then why wouldn't he

come with her today? I mean...

It's his last night.

Would you stop?

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