Freaky Deaky

---

MAN ON TV:
...$900 in cash inside.

Is it Philamina Hazelton that has it?

Is it Skip Chippy?

Or is it Irene Smith?

Well, we'll find out

in just a moment.

Irene, do you think you're the one

that has $900?

Because if so, hang onto it,

or you could trade it

for the big box of coating mix

on our display floor, which Jay is just

dying to describe for us.

(PHONE RINGING)

Say, Juicy!

Juicy, get the phone!

Say, man!

Juicy!

Where you at?

Motherf***er.

As soon as I sit my ass down.

I gotta do everything

around here.

The hell I pay him for?

Hold on, goddammit, I'm coming.

Sh*t.

- Who is this?

WOMAN:
- You sitting down?

Mozelle, is that you?

Are you sitting down?

You have to be sitting down

for when I tell you something.

Aw, baby, you sound different.

- What's wrong?

- Are you sitting down?

Yes, I am,

I've sat the f*** down.

Are you gonna talk to me or what?

Hey, I'm supposed to tell you

that when you get up, honey,

what's left of your drug-dealing ass

gonna go clear through the ceiling!

- What?

(DIAL TONE)

Excuse me, folks.

Is someone sending him

a message?

That makes sense.

Otherwise, why not just shoot

the f***er, right?

A couple years ago, we found a guy

in the trunk of Becker's car.

Two in the back of the head.

- Walked with probation.

- He's a bad f***ing dude, man.

Yeah well, if there's such

a thing as justice in the world,

we just leave his butt sitting there,

let him work it out.

I don't know where nobody at...

I been calling.

You see Juicy Mouth?

Who's Juicy Mouth?

He's the sucker that's supposed to be

guarding my body!

I gotta go to the toilet, man.

So what did the woman

on the phone say?

She said if I get up,

I'm blowing up.

That's all?

That's all?

That's all there is!

- Watch yourself.

- Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, say Jack, man!

Be careful!

Sit tight.

Ooh.

- Hmm.

- Hmm?

Don't give me no hmm sh*t, man,

what's under there?

What's underneath there?

About ten sticks of dynamite.

Get that sh*t from up

out of there, man!

- Can't, you're sitting on it.

- Hey!

- Excuse me.

- Come back here!

- Don't move, I'll be right back.

- I'm talking to you, motherf***er!

Get back here,

you old cracker-ass cracker!

I'm gonna miss being

on the bomb squad.

Mary must be

jumping up and down.

She finally got her way.

I haven't told her yet.

I'm waiting 'til I get reassigned.

Maybe homicide, huh?

Yeah, I wouldn't mind.

Would Mary?

Come on, man, I'm just teasing.

Don't be so serious.

Yeah.

She threw my ass out

on Thursday night.

Tossed me out,

now she's banging somebody else.

Well, maybe not homicide.

I've been charged with involvement

in what has come to be known

as the Watergate affair.

()

MAN ON RADIO:
Allied forces of more than

tighten its hold

on the Mekong Delta,

trapping an undetermined number of

North Vietnamese and Vietcong.

National Guardsmen opened fire on

demonstrators

at Kent State University in Ohio.

MAN ON RADIO:
Three people were dead

on arrival at the hospital

and one more died later.

They were all... Most of them were just

plain gunned down...

CROWD:
Hell no, we won't go!

Hell no, we won't go!

RICHARD NIXON:
I want to say this

to the television audience,

that I welcome

this kind of examination

because people have got to know

whether or not

their president's a crook.

Well, I'm not a crook.

MARTIN LUTHER KING: I have a dream that

little black boys and black girls...

ROBERT F. KENNEDY: I have some

very sad news.

Martin Luther King was shot and was

killed tonight in Memphis.

MAN:
Somebody shot Kennedy

right behind the kitchen,

in this corridor here,

as he was passing through.

MAN:
The parents of kidnapped

Patricia Hearst

today heard directly from

their daughter for the first time

since she was kidnapped.

Son of a b*tch.

MAN:
- Hello?

- My car's just been stolen.

You mind giving me a lift

to my dad's place?

Sure, but doesnt he need a car?

No, he's in Florida.

- I'm just gonna borrow his Caddy.

- All right.

(PHONE RINGING)

Don't you get bored in here?

()

WOMAN:
Here's one for you.

I want to report a rape.

Uh, I'm Sergeant Mankowski,

this is Sergeant Downey.

She can...

Sergeant, I better get out of here.

- Great.

- My husband hates it when I'm late.

You're in good hands.

Have a seat.

Uh, so did this happen

to somebody you know,

somebody in your family?

It happened to me.

Okay, when?

- On Friday, about 2:00 a.m.

- Do you know the suspect?

Mr. Woodrow Ricks is his name.

And what's...

What's your name?

My real name is Greta Wyatt,

my stage name is Ginger Lenova.

So you're an actress?

I'm an actor, you don't say

actress anymore.

And where did this

assault take place?

It was at Mr. Ricks' mansion

in Bloomfield Hills.

I don't know the address,

but if you want to meet him,

he has dinner at the Wolverine Club

every night.

All right, so you're out on a date with

this guy and he brings you back to...

No, I was with his brother Mark.

We were at a party at his house.

He'll make us millions!

Here's how I make millions...

I make motion pictures.

Movies!

There were other girls there, too.

There was some girl named Robin

that Mark was all over.

It was when I went

upstairs to change,

to dry off and put my dress back on.

I forgot to mention everyone

had to go swimming

or Woody said that his chauffeur would

throw you in with your clothes on.

You went upstairs?

Uh-huh, and Woody came in

and I asked him to leave in a nice way,

but he wouldn't.

Did he...

you know, perform the act?

I guess, as far as he was concerned.

It was just after a few minutes,

he rolled off of me on the bed

and went to sleep.

All right.

What's gonna make this difficult is

you're reporting a one-on-one

type of situation,

it happened a few days ago,

there's no evidence.

So you aren't gonna do anything?

Well, if you'll cooperate,

we can at least bring him in,

see if we can get him to admit it.

Woody put it a little differently.

He said if I cooperate,

we could fall in love.

()

The man should be back presently.

Is that right?

What are you telling me for?

It says up there on the sign no parking

and you the police, ain't you?

My sporty attire give it away?

It must be how you got something

wrong with your ribs,

make your coat stick out all funny.

Where'd you do your time?

Jackson?

No, no.

Marquette, right?

Man, what you coming

down on me for?

'Cause you're about an inch

away from f***ing with me,

but you know better, don't you?

Oh man,

you right out of a book.

Old-time dick like all of 'em,

dumb as sh*t!

WOODY:
No, stop it! Stop it!

Stop! Stop it!

Help me!

Stop!

Ow!

- Is that Woody?

- Yeah.

Jesus Christ,

let's get out of here.

You okay?

Look at me, look at me, look at me.

What's going on?

I ask you to cooperate, you tum into

Charlie Bronson with a purse.

I'm sorry.

You.

Put your hands on the car.

Put your hands on the f***ing car,

you know how to do it.

All right, but don't touch me,

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