Fresh Meat Page #3

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are criminals at large in the area

and we request that you stay inside

with your door and windows locked.

You seen anything unusual

in the last few hours?

You home alone? Oh.

Where are Mom and Dad, then?

Ah, they're at a

parent-teacher interview.

Okay.

- Do you mind if I come inside?

- Yes.

I just need to make

sure you're safe, Rina.

I know.

- Is there a problem?

- Let's... Let's just say that I...

I lied to you.

What is it, love?

My parents. They're not really

at a parent-teacher interview.

They're at the, eh...casino?

Gamblers.

Not the sort of place I'd

expect gamblers to live in.

Big house.

Got your own bedroom?

We have to get out in a week.

Mortgage deed sale.

Well... that's too bad, love.

Ah, you don't have to do that.

Dad's a security freak.

Well, he's certainly got a few

valuables to be concerned about.

Mom and Dad had a fight

before they went out.

- So, remember what it was about?

- No.

- You on something, Rina?

- No.

That's not mine.

What is this? Methamphetamine?

It's the root of all

evil in this country.

You could be in a lot

of trouble here, Rina.

This is not looking good, love.

Well, well...

Could this be the secret meth-lab?

Rina, Rina, Rina...

F***. Hey, what the hell's going on here?

Johnny! Help me!

- Johnny!

- Who's the boss?

- Stop it! Damn you!

- Say it! Who's the boss?

Call 111, Rina!

Who's...the...boss?

You are!

- It's an antidote. For pepper spray.

- Rina!

I'm the boss.

There are whole websites

dedicated to chicks doin' this.

Damn it!

Damn it! Don't f*** with me again.

I need to rely on you.

Otherwise I'm gonna have to kill you.

- Which is it, d*ckhead?

- Okay, okay. You're the boss.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm taking your gun.

You're on probation.

Put the body in...garage.

Thanks, kid.

Well, can we go now?

- We need to talk.

- About what?

You. Us. What kind of

future we have together.

I hadn't really thought about it much.

I mean, I hadn't really

thought about you guys much.

Look, either you love Gigi, or you don't.

- I sense that you don't.

- Why the f*** is she still alive.

- I like her.

- She's a f***ing schoolgirl.

Stand up to him.

- Ritchie.

- Do it!

- Shut up!

- Ritchie!

I've stuck with you

through everything. Yeah.

- Prostitute.

- She wasn't a prostitute.

You don't need this floozer.

You can have anyone you want.

Anyone.

Should I leave the room while

you two have a gay wedding?

It's not one of your

porn videos, Ritchie.

Yeah.

F*** you, Ritchie.

You talk too much.

You leave her alone.

Are you for real? Kill me and

you'll never know what happened.

You'll be all alone, wonderin'.

Is she dead?

Is she alive?

What did big, bad Ritchie do to my baby?

Bingo!

Woke up one day and my baby was gone.

Told me that I'd get her

back if I was good to him.

- That he'd tell me where she was.

- You should have called the cops.

No...girls like me don't call the cops.

We're even. No more fantasy.

Love in the burbs.

Get off!

Die! Die!

Die, you filthy, freaking, f***ing fool...

Going somewhere?

Switch the car off.

Go on!

Look, little lady, I just wanna go.

Okay? I don't wanna be part

of this whole f***-up. Ow!

Mr. Updike, he's my

brother's cricket coach.

And the cub scout leader. And

the junior boy swim coach.

Looks like he fiddled with the wrong

kid. Johnny, take the belt off him.

I really don't know my family at all.

Who does?

Ebony and Ivory.

He's about to tie d*ckhead up.

Nothing tight.

- What would your mother think?

- I'm not my mother.

Ow!

- Get in!

- No, I'm claustrophobic.

Get in.

You've got the meanness in you, lady.

Mean. She's changed you.

If you don't watch out, she'll

turn you into a mick lesbian.

- You have five seconds to get lost.

- So, what are you gonna do?

- Clean up and get out.

- No! You can't.

If you want to kill my family,

then you have to start with me.

Sorry, sweetheart.

Where's my daughter?

Margaret! I'm so glad to see you.

- Johnny.

- Margaret?

Johnny.

No! Not the crock pot!

Johnny.

- Did you HAVE to?

- Did YOU have to?

We've already

talked about this.

You don't talk to me about

anything you do, Margaret.

A photograph of me having

dinner with my publicist

does not mean we are

sleeping together.

Well, you're not sleeping with me.

- Where are you taking her?

- To where we keep the meat.

Meat?

No, Dad, you can't eat Gigi.

- Gigi?

- Well...that's her name.

Not anymore. It's Coco.

Rina, what are you doing here?

I...I...

I got close to my secretary,

Meadow, at one point.

- But in the end, she had to go.

- You killed her.

She made a nice Bourguignon pie.

It was always Meadow's

dream to go to Paris.

Oh, my God.

Well, where do you think we

got our meat from, dear.

It's gotta be fresh

killed, fresh meat.

And no one else is gonna do that

for us. Well, not yet, anyway.

When it comes to meat, anyone who

isn't a Solomonite, is food.

- Is that the indoor barrow?

- Yep.

Mmm. Smells good, Mom.

- Want another line, f*** knuckle?

- What's happened to you?

Where's my Dad gone?

Our family are the

last of the Solomonites.

Followers of the boy, the Prophet Solomon

Smith. And he had a vision from God.

That if his followers took the life force

of others, his kingdom would flourish.

God told him, by eating human

flesh and drinking of their blood

his family would grow strong.

Well, don't give me that look.

Evidence of

ritualistic cannibalism

dates back to 1000 BC.

To the Hun phase in Germany. The Bible

itself refers to the siege of Samaria.

In which two women made a pact to eat

their children. The Aztecs, the French...

The Brits. They all had a

go at it at some point.

Your ancestors probably did it.

I know mine did.

- Maori only ate their enemies, Dad.

- Too damn fussy.

- Don't bruise the meat, boy.

- Sorry.

- Bloody hell, isn't that Mr. Updike?

- Yep.

- The perv.

- Did you perform the purification ritual?

- Uh, no, not yet.

- Go help your mother.

- I wanna help you.

- Rina can do this.

But Rina doesn't even like eating people.

She's not gonna enjoy cutting them up.

If I need you, I'll call.

Well, you could have finished him off.

Bloody useless.

What have you done to him?

Look, if I'm tough on

him, it's for his own good.

The boy needs discipline. Don't get

me wrong, I do care about him very much.

But he's the youngest and

that's what makes him special.

Dad...

Both of you are special.

No balls to you, too, Peter.

Welcome home, darling.

Little late for our family meal.

Oops, that'll be for me.

Willy?

Is it Api, your amorous publicist?

It will be the police.

- Well, they can't come in here.

- They'll be looking for the dead cop.

- The nosy bastards!

- I'll deal with it.

Glenn, watch your sister.

Don't do anything silly.

Bloody police states.

All they seem to do is give us good

folks speeding tickets. And arrest Maoris.

- Kiaora Rina.

- Go home, Shaun. We're busy.

I can't stop thinking about you.

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