Friendly Persuasion Page #2

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I guess the Good Lord knows why.

I mean, sometimes I get the

sinful wish to get into a scrap.

So I got to watch myself

closer than most people.

So I'll just stay away from the war.

Because if I ever got into it,

I'd be a goner.

And you, son?

Are you ready to put up with looting

and killing without lifting a finger?

Are you afraid to fight?

I don't know.

Here, at last, is an honest answer.

I don't wish to offend...

...but how many of you are hiding

behind your church to save your skins?

Is it right to let others fight for you?

To protect your lives and your property?

Why don't you speak up?

I'll speak up.

Nothing could ever induce me

to bear arms against my fellow man.

Burn my house!

Destroy my crops! Attack my family!

And I declare to all...

...especially to thee, Josh Birdwell,

wavering in thy convictions...

...nothing can move me to violence!

Nothing!

It seems Friend Purdy has already

been moved to considerable violence.

I misdoubt any of us here

could say with surety...

...what we would do in case of attack.

I have my doubts as to the strength

of thy convictions too.

I have my own doubts.

I've often asked myself...

...what I would do if I saw

my family endangered...

...my wife and children threatened.

If the test comes, all I can say is...

...I hope and pray I can be an

instrument of the Lord.

That test is coming.

It may well be so, friend.

Let us pray that the will of God

be revealed to us...

...and we be given the strength

and grace to follow His will.

Lord...

...let Thy children partake of Thy love

and the love of all men...

...rendering not evil for evil,

nor violence for violence done.

Let swords be changed into

ploughshares...

...and spears into pruning hooks...

...and children of peace

learn war no more...

...forever.

Eliza, what does thee like about

that shifty-eyed bird?

Why, Jess!

She marches along so lordly-like.

Marched real lordly through two pecks

of young strawberries this morning.

- Hello, Gard.

- Hello, Josh.

- You home on leave?

- Got a week's furlough.

Hello, Little Jess, Mrs. Birdwell.

Hello, Mr. Birdwell.

I came over to apologize about

that little brush last Sunday.

It wasn't my idea.

We know that.

Jess is going to get a nice slow horse

that doesn't have any racing ideas.

Did thee shoot any rebs?

What are they like?

They're just people like us.

But did thee shoot any?

Let's have no more talk of war...

...and killing.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

- Come in and set.

- Thank you.

You folks going to the fair?

I used to like the fair...

...but it's come to be

no place for us.

They've got some fine exhibits.

Needlework, livestock, poultry.

And geese.

Eliza, it might be just the place

to pick us up a nice slow horse.

Thee go, Jess. The fair's come to have

so many sideshows, freaks, dancing...

Dancing?

What does thee know about dancing?

She knows a thing or two.

Did Mama ever dance?

That was 20 years ago.

Twenty years exactly, come October.

I was courting her.

But did Mama dance?

No, child.

She was tempted to lift a foot,

but she married me instead.

Did thee propose then and there?

Dinner's ready.

Stay and eat with us?

Thank you, ma'am.

I'd be pleased to.

What about the fair?

- Come on, Josh, Jess.

- Can we go, Papa?

There's no point in putting temptation

in the children's paths.

We'd resist it.

We'd resist it as well as thee did.

Why can't we go?

She'll never let us go.

Mama's so straight-laced!

Maybe I can loosen up a few laces.

Isn't it ghastly, ladies and gentlemen?

Isn't it horrible?

This shining blade,

with the razor-edged blade...

...will pass through his mouth,

through his throat...

...into his very vitals!

And here we have Flame-o...

...the Human Volcano!

Do not deprive your children

of this educational act.

Let's get away from here.

- I promised Caleb I'd meet him.

- Mattie, look at the quilting with me.

Thee wants to see quilts, Josh wants to

meet Caleb, and I want to see livestock.

Let's meet...

...over here by the harvesting machine

in one hour.

Thee stay with me.

Oh, Josh.

There's a rock exhibit I think

thee and Caleb might find edifying.

- Rocks?

- Come along.

I'm hungry. I want some candy.

Thee's had thy breakfast. Come along.

I'm thirsty.

You shoot that squirrel down

three times, you get a beautiful prize.

It's a hit!

How's that?

Got him.

Howdy, Mr. Birdwell.

Say, you're an old squirrel-shooter.

I'll treat you.

Give that man a rifle.

Another marksman here.

That squirrel sits so still

he makes me nervous.

Never mind the comments, just hit...

He did hit the squirrel!

Where's Mattie?

They're over by the quilting booth.

See you later.

Thanks, Gard.

Folks, the man's about to shoot...

He hit it again!

Thee wait right here.

You won yourself one of these

beautiful prizes here.

One of these beautiful pri...

One of these beautiful prizes.

Them prizes was made and manufactured...

...by Pierre of Paris, France.

You heard of him?

I ain't either. The man's having a

hard time to make up his mind here.

For Eliza?

- No, thanks.

- Wait!

You won it fair and square.

I insist you take them, friend.

There! Pair of garters

for your wife to wear!

Or your sweetheart!

Just as soon as you get out of mourning.

Come on.

I want to show you something.

How about a demonstration?

I'd just be delighted.

Delighted. Step right in, gentlemen.

Nothing would please me more.

Low bridge.

Well, Mr. Birdwell, come right in.

Gentlemen, welcome to my organatorium.

Just make yourself at home.

A temple of temptations,

full of instruments of the devil.

Gentlemen, I'd like you to take

a look at this magnificent instrument.

Now, isn't that a beauty?

Just as smooth as silk,

and as fine as frog's hair.

I'll pay two to one if you guess

the shell which contains the pea.

Take your chin off the board.

You'll tip it.

As you see, there's nothing here,

nothing here.

The pea's there,

and I put the shell over it.

Now, we move the shells.

Watch very closely.

Now where is the elusive little pea?

Boy...

...will you go away?

Forty-eight reeds,

plus the tuba miraballis.

How many stops?

So you know organs!

It has eight stops

and this vox humana.

Cries like a baby, sighs like a woman.

I'm partial to music, but I'm a Quaker

and they're against music.

The Quaker!

Why, certainly I remember distinctly.

Thee, thy, thou...

Of course.

But I want you to know, sir,

I honor your prejudices...

...convictions.

Boys, let me tell you...

...there are two kinds of music just the

same as there are two kinds of women:

The uplifting kind and the...

Now, here.

You take the banjo. Now, there.

There is an instrument that stirs up

a man's worst passions.

Speech!

Speech, ma'am!

Thank thee kindly.

Watch very closely. We go again.

Beware of the owl

Who's waiting to howl

Especially beware of the crow

Of the...

... crow

Oh, fellows!

By George! That was wonderful!

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