Friends & Crocodiles

Lizzie?

Yes, William? I won't be a moment. William?

I've just rung to say that Paul is here.

- Paul?

- Yes, right now.

Paul is here.

Paul is with you?

Not actually with me, no.

He's outside the door, waiting for me.

He looks extraordinary, too.

He looks like he has been living in a cave.

You've no idea what he wants?

- Why he might want to see me?

- No.

Not a clue.

Paul, is it you?

It is you. How extraordinary, after all this time.

It is me, yes.

- How goes it?

- It goes well, I think.

Very well. And with you? You look...

- Like sh*t?

- No, of course not.

Different. Tiny bit different.

- Busy, are you?

- Very busy.

Always busy, stirring away at this and that.

- You weren't looking for me, were you, Paul?

- Of course.

- Why were you doing that?

- I think it's time you paid me a visit.

You haven't seen where I am living now,

have you?

No, that would be good.

And, yes, can't wait to see that.

Look, Paul, I'm running late as it is,

and I've got a very important meeting.

Very important.

And as you can see, the meter is running.

And I'm very uncharacteristically paying

for this taxi. So, I'll call you tomorrow?

- Same number, isn't it?

- Yes.

Yeah, I'll call tomorrow without fail.

Go. Go now to the Savoy, go.

Come on, what are you waiting for? Go.

Hello. This is Charlie.

Now I was just explaining to Charlie

that in Saxon England,

there was actually no word for "woman".

It was just "man" and "man".

You believe me? It's a joke.

Marvellous. Absolutely marvellous!

There are facts in here

that will make your hair stand on end.

WILLIAM:
There she is.

Always on time.

Regular as clockwork.

Nobody seems to have noticed her except me.

Ingrid, the man, was left for...

Hello. And what's your name?

- Yasmin.

- Yasmin? Now, Yasmin's a good name.

- Hi.

- Hello.

You walk by here all the time.

That's right. It's my lunch hour.

- I'm Paul. Paul Reynolds, by the way.

- I know.

And that's your home. I know that, too.

And these are all your grounds,

as far as you can see.

But this is a right of way, isn't it?

- I'm all right here, aren't I?

- Yes, of course.

You're free to go wherever on my land,

whenever you want.

Thanks.

- And you are?

- Lizzie.

Lizzie Thomas.

I work in an estate agent in Ashbourne.

So, I know all about your property,

I should say "properties".

I read about you

buying this building and that building.

You don't want a drink? Or a little food?

- Or a job?

- No, thanks. None of those.

Not today, but maybe...

- I've a selection of possibilities.

- I have got to go if I want to finish my walk.

I can't be late back for work.

Will she look back?

I bet she doesn't look back.

All our W's in the right place, are they?

All our R's nice and perky, are they?

I think we have a tiny bit of slippage here,

haven't we?

All our F's and K's in good order, are they?

No keys getting stuck?

I know this customer.

Mrs Wheeler will see to the customer,

thank you very much.

- What are you doing here?

- Come and work for me.

- As what?

- As my secretary, at first.

- At first? That sounds dangerous.

- No, it doesn't.

It's exactly what it seems.

Personal Assistant. I need one.

- You must have loads of secretaries.

- At this precise moment, there's nobody.

And why is that?

You'll see, I expect,

when you come and work for me.

Enough chat, Lizzie. Back to work.

Mrs Wheeler, see to the gentleman.

What've you got to lose?

I'll start in a month.

- It's too late.

- That's my offer.

Take it or leave it.

(PEOPLE TALKING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

Here she is.

With her typewriter.

She looks the business.

WILLIAM:
It's the Albert brothers. They're artists.

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

Actually, they're not really brothers, as it happens.

They just think it's a more handy label

for when they become famous.

The Albert Brothers.

It's not bad, actually.

There's a couple of old aristos,

members of the House of Lords.

You don't need to worry about them.

That's Neville Coyle. He's making his name

as a brilliant right-wing thinker.

He's always very pale. Baby-smooth complexion.

I call him The Blob. He's one to watch.

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

Then it's Francis Butterworth,

the magnificent scholar of Medieval History.

He's only ever written one book in his life,

but another is expected sometime soon.

There's Redfern, of course. He's a revolutionary.

Has very radical ideas,

how to teach children how they should

play in the woods until they're at least 12.

Never take exams.

Paul collects people that interest him...

and then lets them do whatever they want.

- And now he has collected you.

- No.

I'm just the secretary. That is quite different.

Graham.

He's a poet, and a homosexual.

Quiet bloke, but he makes no secret of it.

Then, of course, there's William Sneath...

me.

Who, for some reason caught Paul's eye

like everyone else here...

and is hoping to prosper just by being near him.

Each party is bigger than the last.

You'll just have to hope you're not here

when he holds the next one. It's a lot to organise.

Those are great decorations.

Why don't any of his secretaries last?

I wouldn't know, would I?

Nearly there.

Sorry?

I mean you've nearly reached the room

where you'll work. Come on.

- Will this do?

- Of course.

It's so good you're here.

When do you want me here tomorrow?

When do we start?

- 8.30? 9:
00?

- No, there's no rush.

There's never any rush.

(MAN SHOUTING)

(BELL RINGING)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

(DEEP VOICE) Lizzie!

(RINGING STOPS)

Come in.

Oh, I am... I'm so sorry. I'm...

- I thought somebody was calling me.

- WOMAN:
It was me.

(BELL RINGING)

(DEEP VOICE) Lizzie!

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

- I'll be back in my office, if you want me.

- No, there's no need to go back there.

- What can he have in mind?

- Don't! Christine! Shh!

Please, I want to talk to you.

Wait for me in the long gallery.

Please, okay? There's a nice spread there

of fruit and coffee and... Okay? I'll be out...

Stop it! Stop. Christine, stop it!

I'll be out in less than a minute.

I'm so sorry.

- Everything took much longer than we expected.

- Which isn't always the case, is it?

It is all clear now. He's ready for you.

You can go in now.

That was unforgivable, I know.

- I'm sorry.

- Was that some sort of test?

'Cause if it was, I really hope I failed it.

Well, we really should do some work

before you leave.

Let me show you something.

Come over here.

Here is everything I intend to do.

All my plans are here.

- The future is in this room.

- The future?

You can find it in all this mess?

Usually. Most days.

I've been lucky, so far.

You know, with property.

Buying this building, selling that building.

I've made pots of money

without ever having to think too deeply about it.

But in here...

In here, this is what I really want to do.

The list of the top ten projects.

What I plan for the next few years.

A city centre I have a great scheme for,

many other things, not just buildings.

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