Friends With Benefits

Okay. Let's see where we are.

We could move this, get

rid of that, kill that.

That kind of freaks me out. Don't need her.

We can get rid of that.

That's done.

Okay, we could start with this.

I know it's a hard-hitting piece,

but come on, you guys, it's the Internet.

We need traffic, traffic, traffic.

What do you got?

- How about this?

- It's perfect.

Now, doesn't she look smart and

knowledgeable about immigration reform?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah. She does, right?

I'm f***ing with you people.

This isn't a porn site.

What are we, nerds trying

to look at boobies?

Come on, Keep looking.

Sh*t! Hello?

Hey! Baby, where are you?

Are you still at work?

No! Not even close.

Just so you know,

the movie starts in 10 minutes.

- I know! Give me your pants.

- What?

- I'll buy you lunch tomorrow. Come on.

- No.

I'm your boss. Give me your pants.

Please try not to be late.

I really hate missing the beginning.

I know. I know.

Give me your pants. I'm coming, baby.

I'm almost there!

- How far away?

- I think I see you!

- Where are you? I'm here.

- So am I.

So many people. What are you wearing?

I'm wearing the only clothes

outside the theater,

because I'm the only person

outside the theater!

I love that outfit.

You look so sexy in that.

You know that I love this movie.

If a prostitute and a ruthless businessman

can fall in love,

then anyone can.

I know this means a lot to you,

which means it means a lot to me.

Well, apparently it doesn't.

I'm looking at you right now.

I can see you!

Jamie!

Hey!

- Hey.

- You made it.

- Yeah. Hey.

- Hi.

- Sorry I'm late.

- It's okay. I got us sandwiches.

I got you turkey, no cheese,

gluten-free bread.

You sure this was prepared

in a nut-free facility?

Yes, I'm full aware of our allergies.

Y.

Hey, I'm here! I'm here. I'm really sorry.

We missed Your Body Is a Wonderland.

Okay. Only one song.

That's not so bad, right?

It was f***ing Your Body ls a Wonderland!

Well, the good news is,

he has so many good ones.

Here's an idea:
next time, instead

of being late, just sh*t on my face.

'Cause that's kind of the same thing

as missing Your Body ls a Wonderland.

Okay, come on. We really gotta go in.

Julia Roberts is about to put on

her really tall boots.

We need to talk.

I think we should take a break.

I just feel like

we should chill for a while, you know?

- You're doing this?

- You're breaking up with me?

You said I was your soul mate.

I did? When?

When we were at that bed and breakfast

having sex.

- But, you know, that doesn't...

- That doesn't what?

- Count.

- I was tied up at work. I'm sorry.

Maybe you should care

a little bit less about work

and a little more

about the girl that you're dating.

'Cause last time I checked,

work doesn't reassure you

that liking a finger up your ass

doesn't make you gay.

I never said "go up." Okay?

I just said lightly around...

It's like a little button.

You know what? Not your issue any more.

Is this why you were late?

You were worried

about how to break up with me?

Oh, no, no.

I was trying to decide what to wear.

- So, you went with sneakers and a hoodie.

- Yeah.

What, are you gonna

take the SATs after this?

Don't lash out, okay?

- You're better than that.

- I'm really not.

I just think

we're heading in different directions.

Yeah, you to the John Mayer concert

and me not.

Thank you for doing this

before the concert, by the way.

Best breakup ever.

He is the Sheryl Crow of our generation!

Let me just ask you a quick question.

And just know that I am not at all

crushed by this breakup.

So, be honest. Why?

- Wait, is this a trick?

- No.

Just pure anthropological research.

Okay. You want someone

to sweep you off your feet,

but you're more interested

in getting swept off your feet

than the someone who's doing the sweeping.

You seem like you've got

it totally together,

but you're actually

really emotionally damaged.

Also, you have, like, really big eyes,

and that freaks me out sometimes...

Thank you. That's enough.

It is not you at all.

Of course it's me! You can't say that.

You're breaking up with me!

It's not. It's me.

I don't like you any more.

This is my fault.

You deserve better than me.

You're a great guy.

A little too emotionally unavailable,

if you ask me.

I didn't.

I really want to stay friends.

- Let's stay friends.

- Sure.

Totally.

John Mayer.

John f***ing Mayer!

Come here, you.

You're gonna get through this.

Why do relationships always start off so

fun and then turn into suck-a-bag-o-d*cks?

I really have to stop buying into this

bullshit Hollywood clich of true love.

Shut up, Katherine Heigl! You stupid liar!

I'm just gonna work and f***.

Like George Clooney.

I'm just gonna

shut myself down emotionally.

Like George Clooney.

Hello.

Seat up, please, sir.

Is that the Hudson River?

No. It's the East River.

So we won't be landing on it, then,

like that flight,

you know, with that captain

they keep giving medals to?

That pilot was a hero.

A**hole.

Plane actually did a lot of the work.

I think I found the perfect guy

to fill that job at GQ.

No, he's landing early. I'm scrambling.

No, he's not sold on the job yet,

but I'll get him there. I always do.

I'm even picking him up in a hybrid.

He's from LA.

I figured he's into all that bullshit.

Hey, sir, what's that

tall building over there?

Empire State Building.

No, no, no, no. No. The other one.

The really, really tall one

with the antenna on top of it, the windows.

That is Empire State Building.

Oh, yeah. You're right. King Kong.

Hey...

Oh, hey! Are you done with this?

All met up?

Great. Welcome to New York,

Ms. Penderghast.

Yeah.

Oh, no. Excuse me. Sorry.

Okay.

- Can you hand me my bag?

- Sure. Which one?

- The one with the straps.

- Okay.

There.

Okay.

- Thank you.

- Welcome to New York, sir.

- Excuse me.

- Yeah.

That's me.

Which one, the blue or the yellow?

No. The makeshift sign made

out of lipstick, that's me.

- You're Dylan Harper.

- I am.

I'm Jamie Rellis.

- You're picking me up from the airport.

- Hi. Yes, I am.

You always pick people up like this?

Yeah, you know,

I like to keep things interesting.

- Welcome to New York.

- Thank you.

You're not exactly what comes to mind

when you think headhunter.

Yeah, I prefer "executive recruiter."

Headhunter sounds a little creepy.

You did stalk me for six months.

Kind of creepy.

Here, here, here, I'll take it.

You're really gonna carry my bag?

You're that girl?

No. I'm gonna change your life.

I'm that girl.

My life is already pretty great.

Oh, really? 'Cause you wouldn't be here

if your life were already pretty great.

A free trip to New York.

I'd be an idiot to turn that down.

Well, then I guess you must have been

an idiot for the past six months.

Yeah, a lot of people

would say longer than that.

It's a huge opportunity Dylan.

Art director of GQ magazine.

This is the big leagues.

I mean, no offense to your little blog

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