Fritz The Cat Page #3

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Yes, man, come join us.

Good stuff and lots of it, man.

Only close the door.

We're modest.

Har har har.

The guy's a riot.

Oh, God, I'm there.

You really there?

How is it?

-lt's...

-How is it?

That's funny.

I'm not there anymore.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm a writer.

Let's talk about it.

Ever made it

with an aardvark before?

It's a rare opportunity.

We're scarce.

Really?

I can't tell

if I'm there or not.

How do you tell?

You'll know when you are.

Oh, balls.

lt doesn't work for me.

I'm a failure

as a pot smoker.

Don't be sad.

Someday you'll make it.

Really.

Shh. I think we're here.

Do you hear anything, Ralph?

It sounds like a bunch

of degenerates in there.

Now, listen, Ralph,

you got the deeper voice.

And I want you to yell,

"Open the f***ing door."

Say the word "F***ing" because

that makes you sound tough.

When I say three,

you yell, "Open..."

I'm even gonna ad-lib.

No ad-libbing, Ralph.

Let me call them pre-verts.

What's a pre-vert?

A pre-vert is a degenerate,

didn't you know that?

A pre-vert's a degenerate?

Didn't you have no bringing up?

I got bar-mitzvahed.

You ain't supposed

to laugh, Ralph!

This is a serious job

and we're getting paid for it.

Cut the f***ing sh*t out.

Let's go.

All right.

Open up in there!

It's the law! Hippie bastards!

Good, Ralph, do it again.

What the f***'s your problem?

Cut it out!

I won't laugh!

Open the door, you pre-verts!

Open up!

Law and order's here!

-Open up!

-All right in there!

Open up! Here we are!

Wow! I can do it!

Oh, baby, do I feel high!

I'm flying!

What a wonderful, wiggly world!

We're outside,

but we'll get in!

-Law and order's here!

-Open up!

All right in there!

Your f***ing bath party's over!

-Over here!

-The cops!

Right in the mouth!

Yeah! I love it!

Take that!

Hey, you!

Get your hands out of my thing!

-Here we are!

-Where the f*** are you?

Over there! ln the head!

Get your hands

off of my dick!

In the head!

I love it! I love it!

Ralph, where are you?

Ralph, help! Gotcha!

Now I gotcha!

Here, take that!

That's my...

Gotcha! ln the heart!

In the head!

Over there!

Watch that thing!

Where's the cat?

Wow.

Hey, look at

this big f***ing gun.

I killed the john!

Kill! Destroy!

Can you give him your glasses?

Because I can't.

I have to look.

-You can't see?

-l'll give them back.

A little bit...

Oh, boy, this is good for me.

Can you dig it in your eyes?

You're younger than me.

Forty-five, forty-eight.

I'm sixty-seven.

I wish I knew.

I would give you glasses.

I'd take another pair

from the house.

I didn't think

I would need the glasses.

I'm not so young no more,

remember.

You don't see nothing?

I'm older than you are,

I'll see.

I'll mention that I see.

You're doing fine.

You're doing fine.

You know something?

That you don't have to

look at the book, right?

So say it. Say it.

All right.

All right. Good.

-Good.

-Beautiful.

Thank you, thank you.

Just normal.

You know, nice and quiet.

Now, wait a minute.

Don't rush.

Mother of God,

I'm a f***ing fugitive.

This is the place!

I saw him come in here!

Oh, my God, it's a synagogue.

What kind of a place is this?

A church?

Listen, I can hear them.

Don't sound like English.

Are they Puerto Ricans?

Ralph,

you're trying my patience.

You go down that aisle,

I'll go down this aisle.

It's about time

you said something bright.

Ralph, please be quiet.

It's my people.

-Excuse me, Rabbi.

-They all got long hair.

-Sorry, Rabbi.

-They all got long clothes.

-Excuse me.

-Must be a hippie church.

Hi, Rabbi.

Did you see him?

God.

Ralph,

would you please shut up?

I ain't talking loud.

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