Front of the Class Page #6

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Honey, that is, that is wonderful news! That's wonderful.

Yes, yes, Mom.

It is absolutely wonderful, but, you know,

they've only given me a contract for a year. OK?

I still have to prove to them that they made the right choice

Honey, listen, just take a moment to enjoy this.

Oh my gosh. Oh my...

Did you call your father? He is gonna be so proud of you.

I will, Mom. But, you know, right now,

I literally have about two weeks of preparation to do in about two days.

And, ah, you know, now that I have the job,

I gotta really seriously start working on getting my Master's degree.

OK, one thing at a time, all right?

Listen. Are there any cute teachers at that school?

Mom!

What? I want you to be happy.

OK, all right, yes.

Don't worry I'm working on that, too. I gotta go. Goodbye.

You must be Brad...

You must be Nancy.

Hi, I'm Brad.

I know.

Right. Of course. I guess I'm a little nervous.

Please.

This is my first time computer dating.

-So...-Oh, yeah.

Me too. My mom thinks it's dangerous.

Well, yeah, I mean, you never know what kind of weirdo you might meet.

But you look pretty normal. So...

Good, I'm glad.

Actually, look much better than normal.

Thank you.

So, ahh, I guess we're just supposed to tell each other our life stories.

Umm, OK. Do, do...

...you think I could get a, get a cup of coffee first?

-Cup of coffee. -Yeah.

Right. Yeah! Of course. Coming up.

Thanks.

Ah. Do you want, like, a muffin?

I'm on a diet.

But I would love a muffin.

My roommate is driving me absolutely crazy.

She never makes her bed

she's got clothes everywhere

she's, like, always blasting her music...

...night and day. But, of course, whenever I want to listen to my music,

she's all, like, "you need to keep it down".

So what kind of music do you listen to?

-Well, umm, -Yeah?

Mostly oldies stuff. Especially Sting

Oh, I love Sting!

Madonna, Bon Jovi, you know

Milli Vanilli...?

I love Milli Vanilli!

Really?

Wait. You too?

We've gotta be the only two people on earth

that love Milli Vanilli.

You do not.

Yeah!

Well, I had a really nice time. Thank you.

I shouldn't have had that muffin but...

I really enjoyed meeting you.

Yeah, me too.

OK. Well, thanks again, Brad.

I can't believe you! You said she was perfect

She was perfect. I just didn't want to ruin it.

Oh, by asking to see her again?

Oh, right:
second date syndrome.

So is that gonna be your life?

Nothing but first and only dates?

How do you ever expect to have a relationship?

Maybe I don't.

Come on in. Get in there. Come on in.

Weirdo!

Did your teachers warn you that

Mr. Cohen makes funny noises?

Yeeesss.

She said you have Tour...tour...

Tourette Syndrome.

OK. Anything you want to know about it, I want you to ask.

Yes.

Is it catching...?

No. Absolutely not.

You have to be born with it, like I was.

Does it hurt?

Well, sometimes, like when my neck jerks.

But the noises do not hurt at all.

These are great questions, keep 'em coming.

And, it's okay to ask me anything about Tourette's

yes?

Can you go to movies?

Yes, I can go to movies,

but sometimes I get kicked out and that makes me sad.

What's the bunny's name?

Waffle

Wa Wa Waffle!

His name is just Waffle!

All right, guys.

Any more questions about Tourette's?

Anyone?

Are they ever gonna make you well, Mr. Cohen?

Well. Right now there's no medicine that can cure Tourette's.

But, it's okay.

Cuz I've learned to accept it

and I don't let it run my life.

What can't you do? Like...can you not eat?

I can eat. OK, I eat a lot.

In fact, I can do anything anybody else can do except

there is one thing that Mr. Cohen can never do.

What?

What is it?

Tell us

Mr. Cohen can never play

hide and go seek.

Why can't you play hide and seek?

Cause they'd hear him, stupid.

Well, that's the right answer but it's the wrong words

because there won't be any namecalling in Mr. Cohen's class,

Excuse me? Where are you going?

Bathroom.

And what's your name?

Thomas.

OK. Well, Thomas, if you want to leave your seat,

you have to ask for permission.

Weirdo.

Bye, Mr. Cohen.

Bye, Gaylon.

Good bye, Mr. Cohen.

Bye Heather, I'll see you tomorrow.

I really like your class, Mr. Cohen!

Oh, well, thank you, Amanda! How are you doing Mr. Wright?

I'm fine.

Four eyes!

Four eyes!

Gimme gum! Leave me alone!

OK, take him, Thomas.

Eli! Thomas! Which one of you guys thinks that you can help me? Huh?

I can, I can!

All right, all right. Here's the deal.

I need to get this ball and put it back in that bin.

Why don't you guys shoot for it?

Rock, paper, scissor, shoot!

Whoa! All right, Eli. You win today. Boom!

Ah, man!

It's OK, Thomas, you can help him.

Sorry I stuck you with Thomas,

but he was making my class impossible.

He's got a whole alphabet of problems:

ADD, ADHD, OCD.

You want my advice, you'll pass him on to Special Ed.

No.

I can't, ah, I can't do that.

Oh. See how you feel after he's trashed a few classes.

I'll be all right. I just need to get settled.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

OK.

You make more noise than my air horn.

Sounds like you got healthy case of Tourette's.

I was just kidding with you, son. I've got a dispatcher buddy with TS.

You ever need any cross-country hauling, just call for Maxine.

Hey, umm. Do you have a card?

I wasn't being serious, son.

Unless you're in the shipping business.

Nah, I teach second grade.

-Here's the card. -All right.

Maxine gave me a great idea for a geography lesson.

Thank you so much, Maxine.

You're welcome.

Safe trucking.

I found myself focusing on teaching all the time.

Well, almost...

You know what I just realized?

What?

All ducks have Tourette's.

Why is that?

I don't know. We're birds of a feather.

So, it really doesn't bother you, does it?

What?

You know what.

My Tourette's...my noises.

Not when I compare them to the noises other guys make.

You know, like, braggers, loud-talkers,

egocentric, humor-challenged idiots.

Seriously, no. Your noises don't bother me at all.

As long as you keep me laughing.

Well, don't say that. You know how I get under pressure.

Oh, I'm sorry.

My Dad has always said I was going to marry somebody who made me laugh.

Not that that has anything to do with anything.

Say something.

Quack.

Hey. Don't laugh. That was a serious quack.

I got you though.

Mr. Cohen!

Hey!

My Mom said to ask if it's okay.

Is what okay, Heather?

lf I give this to Waffle.

You tell your Mom that I said that's fine. OK?

Did he say it was OK?

Yeah.

Feel OK?

Um-Hmm.

Yeah? I love you.

I love you, too.

You have a good day, OK?

OK!

I'll see you right after school.

OK. Bye-bye.

Amanda? Is everything all right?

I wanna be in your class, Mr. Cohen.

You are in my class, Amanda.

No. He made them take me out

See you after school, honey. OK?

It's not fair!

Is everything OK? I'm Amanda's teacher, Mr. Cohen.

-We met yesterday. Oh, no, no, no.

There's nothing wrong.

I just have to do what's right for my daughter.

Come on, Amanda.

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