Full House Page #8

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You have no brains,

and I have no courage.

An unbeatable combination.

Slick, what do we do now?

Get out those little

bonanza gold mine certificates.

I wouldn't have the nerve

to sell that phony stock now.

Pull yourself together,

William.

What is a confidence man

without confidence?

At the turn of the century,

certain social leaders in New York...

claimed that only 400 people

were worth knowing.

In disagreement, O. Henry wrote a volume

he called The Four Million.

He thought everybody

was worth knowing.

Now the very term "400"

is almost forgotten.

But from The Four Million...

"The Gift of the Magi"is as fresh and alive

as the day it was written.

O. Henry. Said,

"The Magi were the Wise Men...

the wonderfully wise men who brought gifts

to the babe in the manger.

They invented the art

of giving Christmas presents. "

And that invention was still operating

when this story. Begins-

in the year of our Lord,

1905.

- Good morning, Mrs. Young.

- Oh, good morning, Mr. Schultz.

- How is your lumbago?

- Huh?

- I said, how is your lumbago?

- Can't hear you.

My compliments to the cook

on this morning's coffee.

Aw, I made the coffee

myself this morning.

Cook isn't here today.

I gave all the servants the day off.

- It's Christmas Eve, you know.

- Oh, yes. So it is.

- And I haven't bought your present yet.

- Oh?

- It's just as well,

because I've changed my mind again.

- Oh?

Yes. I've decided

l don't want the diamond tiara.

No, l- I must have

a sealskin coat.

You see, it's the only fur

l haven't got, and I simply must have it.

All right. I'll buy it

right after lunch.

Lunch. I'm glad you mentioned that.

Now, tell me the truth.

Aren't you a bit weary of going

to Delmonico's every day?

Just this once, wouldn't you

like something from home...

Wrapped up

in this cunning little box?

- That'd be very nice.

- Yeah?

There you have it.

White meat of turkey,

brandied cherries...

oh, a bit

of chestnut dressing and-

Let me see. Oh, yes.

Some of those little ice cakes...

you were so fond of

on our honeymoon in Paris.

- Della?

- Yes?

Is it awful- not having

all these things for real?

I have you...

and that's for real.

Quarter past. Well, let's see if St. Benedict's

on time this morning.

It's 14 after.

He's a whole minute fast.

That gives me one more minute

to tell you I love you.

Oh, Jim!

Oh, now, you know I'll just have to

put it all up again.

I remember the first time I saw you,

just a year ago.

At Mr. Crump's

Christmas party.

And I thought, someday,

l must take out the pins...

and see that hair fall down

around her waist.

For that, I'd be willing

to marry her.

Why, Mr. Young,

what an improper thought.

- Not at all.

- Oh, I was so glad I went to that party.

I saw you almost at once,

and I thought to myself...

if he's married,

l shall ask her to give him up.

- Why, Mrs. Young, what an improper thought.

- Not at all.

I thought no one would introduce us,

so I asked you for the time.

Remember? And you brought out

your beautiful watch...

and I thought,

he must be very rich.

And for one wonderful moment, there

was no one at that party but you and me.

No one in the world

but you and me.

- You and your wonderful hair.

- And you and your wonderful watch.

- It is handsome, isn't it?

- The handsomest in New York.

You should have a platinum fob

to go with it instead of this leather string.

Jim, why, that solves it!

Your Christmas present.

I've been wondering what to get you.

A platinum watch fob

with diamonds to match my tiara.

You changed your mind,

remember?

- It's a sealskin coat.

- Can't we afford both?

It's 26 after. Not unless I get to the office

and earn some money.

It'll only take me a second.

I'll walk with you as far as the butcher shop.

How's your lumbago,

Mr. Schultz?

lt's better today, thank you.

Good morning.

It's your last day. Tomorrow you can stay

inside and take care of yourself.

Oh, thank heaven

she didn't buy them.

They'd be terrible

in her hair.

They once were worn

by a Chinese empress.

- Cost $25.

- Jim, h-how do you-

I priced them day before yesterday.

I thought maybe if they weren't too much-

The diamond tiara will look much better

with the sealskin.

Now, come on.

You'll be late for work.

Well, what would you like

for Christmas dinner?

Now, tell me, aren't you getting

a little tired of turkey?

How about a goose stuffed with apples

or a duck with orange sauce?

Get whatever you like.

Surprise me.

But don't stay on your feet too long.

You know what-

Mrs. Schultz said a walk every day was

good for me, and she's had seven.

You want something?

Oh, I'd like a pound of ground chuck beef

and a half pound of sausage.

Uh, will that be enough

to make a meat loaf just for two people?

I suppose so.

Fifty, 75, a dollar,

a dollar quarter, a dollar 50...

- 60, 75, 80, 85, 86, 87.

What can one do with a dollar

and 87 cents?

Yes?

Uh, are you Maurice?

I am.

What can I do

for you, madam?

Do you buy hair?

If it's good, yes.

Would you buy mine?

Well, let's have

a look at it, madam, right in here.

Sit down.

Oh, madam!

Oh, it is magnificent!

It is beautiful!

Such quality, such beauty,

such sheen.

Eh, it is not bad.

I will give you,

uh, $20.

Twenty? I need-

Oh, I mean, couldn't you please

make it just a little bit more? Say, 22.50?

Twenty is my price for this particular

length and thickness.

Take it or leave it.

Well-

Can you- can you cut it quickly

so I won't change my mind?

Oh, naturally, madam.

Naturally.

Now, let me see.

Now, it is better

if you close your eyes.

Say, isn't that clock a little slow?

You're right. That clock's

four minutes slow.

- Mr. Young?

- Yes, Mr. Crump?

- You show a great deal of interest in the time.

- Yes, sir.

Am I to remind you that time is what

I'm paying you for, at $17.50 a week?

Yes, sir.

At 54 hours a week,

that's nearly 33 cents an hour...

approximately

half a cent a minute.

- That's right, sir.

- Time, young man, is money.

Christmas Eve here

is just December the 24th.

I understand, Mr. Crump.

- For two cents, I'd-

- How much is two cents?

- Four minutes.

I was counting on his

letting us off early today.

I've got to get a present

for Margaret.

- What are you gonna buy for your wife?

- I don't know.

It all depends on the size

of our Christmas bonus from old Crump.

I don't think

it'll be $500.

Not likely.

That's what

a sealskin coat costs.

Tell me, Bill, why does a woman

wanna wear the skin of a seal?

- Who knows?

Shh. He's coming back.

Gentlemen, your attention for one moment.

I'm sorry to announce that because business

has been very poor this year...

as you who keep my books

must know...

there will not be

the usual Christmas bonus.

However, because I've dispensed

with the usual Christmas party...

I am adding per capita

the cost of that party to your checks.

An extra three dollars.

Merry Christmas.

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