Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder Page #2

Well, let's see now.|We've got a wonderful grizzly bear

that's been dipped in cornmeal|and lightly tormented.

- Questions?|- What was the bear's name?

- Jojo.|- Ooh, I'll have him.

- Hide me!|- Hey, Donbot,

ain't that your wife what|with you had that wedding with?

Donbot, honey!|What a pleasant shock!

I was just having dinner alone,|when suddenly you walk in on us.

Alone, huh?

Where am I?

I was exploring a wormhole through space|many light years from this restaurant,

when suddenly I was|surrounded by darkness.

Hot, sexy darkness.

Why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss,|have we met? I'm Bender.

The world's most sexual robot.

I mean, the world's most|boundary-respecting robot.

Nice to see you, Bender.|Welcome back to our universe.

Listen, sugar, I stuck up|the Burlington Coat Factory

and got you a little something.|It's a $49 value.

Donbot, I love you!

- Not really.|- Man, this is great!

I always wanted to nail a dame|in a fur coat, and now's my chance.

I mean, if you'll introduce me to|one, sir. One as sexy as you, baby!

Bender out.

I never felt so alive, Bender.

Listen, this turquoise-encrusted|bra is worth 50 grand.

Let's sell it and run off|before the Donbot gets wise.

No. It will take a lot more money|than that to make a girl like you happy.

- No, it won't.|- Yeah, it will. Shut up!

We'll run off, but not till after I win|the Universal Poker Championship!

One entry, please.

Bender, no! You can't beat|the best players in the universe.

- You're not lucky enough.|- Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky.

The scrap metal I'm made from|included a truckload of horseshoes

from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico,|who had just been sent to a glue factory.

- They don't sound so lucky to me.|- Not without their shoes.

That's great!

Here, Bendy, take this.|It will give you 70% more luck.

It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.

All right!|With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.

No, wait, three.|I stepped on a leprechaun.

Yo, you see this over here over there?

I'm powering up the clamps.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.|Let us not rush to judgment.

But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's|foot what came off of your lucky leg.

While it is true that I did wake up|with only one foot this morning,

there is no proof that my|beloved Fanny was involved.

Aside from the hacksaw|I found under her pillow.

Well, what about that Bender guy?|You want I should give him the clamps?

Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing|can prove that he has my lucky foot.

Torture with the clamps|or a clamp-like device?

No. We are gonna sit tight and see|if he wins the poker tournament.

He does, that proves|he's packing my lucky foot,

in which event...

The clamps!

Or a clamp-like device.

Welcome viewers|who fell asleep with the TV on!

It's the 3009 no-limit|hold 'em championship.

I'm the massive head|of Penn Jillette,

and here with a color|commentary, my partner Teller.

Our act really didn't|change much when he died.

Pardon me,|I'm new to this game.

Is this duffle bag big|enough for all your money?

Bender? Oh, boogers.|We're in the same tournament.

Quick, get your entry fee|back before I bankrupt you.

In your dreams, nutloaf.

Bite my shiny metal hat.

Tex Connecticut,|the pride of Kansas City, first to act.

Smiley Spiff, up next.

Looks like B*obs Vanderbilt|has a decent pair.

Also, she's got two eights.

And Bender Rodriguez picks|up a lucky deal right off the bat.

Two aces.|I'm thinking guitar solo.

I fold.

Holy crap! A stunning play by|mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry.

It's almost as if|he knew Bender had two aces.

Bender has two aces? I'm out.

- I'm out.|- I'm out.

Suck my luck!

See this gun?

That's what I'm gonna|do to Bender if he wins.

All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril.

My cards are awful, and I need a hug.

I call your bluff.

I shall annihilate...

I just wanted to|make my daddy proud.

Well, you didn't. I want you and|your junk moved out by Monday.

It's getting|pretty intense, folks.

Based on the state of|decomposition of Teller's head,

we're now in hour|19 of the tournament.

And the first bad deal|of the night for Bender.

Hey, pal, help me out here.|This is the worst possible hand, right?

I'm all in.

All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.

Well, Bender's luck just ran out.|No card can save him from elimination.

Oh, my gourds! He's dead.

21, winner!

I'm so full of luck,|it's shooting out like luck diarrhea.

Wake up, poker fans!

We're down to our final two players in|heads-up action for the Championship.

Your perspective, Teller?

All in.

But you didn't even|look at your cards!

Looking at one's cards is|a crutch for players who rely on skill.

Any day now, Fry. You in or out?

What's the matter, Fry,|you scared? Or just crazy?

All right, all in.

Yes! Four aces!

Ah-ah-ah.

Read 'em and weep,|and then tell me what they are.

Two kings. And with three on the board,|that gives Bender five kings.

- But how is that...|- I don't believe it.

Bender has just been|dealt the King of Beers,

a coaster from the bar that|somehow got mixed into the deck.

But it still counts!

Bender win the Championship!

That's some good money.

You did it, Bender.|You're the greatest.

Tell me something|I don't know, sweetass.

Now, let's boogie.

We'll be in Space Tahiti before|the Donbot knows what hit him.

Now I am suspicious.

Okay, we finished digging this|shallow grave. Can we go now?

Poor Bender left me one last voicemail

before the Robot Mafia|buried him in the desert.

Fry, old friend,|before I die, I just wanted to say...

Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello?

Line up, people! Everyone take|a shovel and one sixth of the planet.

We'll meet back here in 50 years,|our bodies broken and our lives wasted.

And you say these are free shovels?

I'm back, baby.

Bender! I thought the|Robot Mafia killed you.

Nah, they just shot us and buried us|a few times as a warning.

Bender was so brave.

He never stopped making out with me|the whole time they were shooting us.

I sure didn't.

I gotta get back to my husband, baby.|Will I see you tonight?

Probably not.

It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard.|What club you recommend, Baggy?

As on every hole,|I suggest the putter.

Your golf club sure is classy,|Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.

It is very nice.

I just wish Amy and I didn't have to|wear these sexist badges on our melons.

We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela.

Dad's club has a very|strict "No girls allowed" policy.

- That doesn't seem fair.|- It really is.

Everybody knows women|don't have the focus

to play miniature golf|at a professional level.

But that's the|best shot of the day!

Is that my ball?|I think that my ball.

- Great putt, Dad.|- Okay, we're done.

Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place|so green in the middle of the desert?

Doesn't that waste a lot of water?

Nah, we got plenty water,|pumped directly from flamingo lake.

They'll be fine.

Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf.|Love everything about it,

except how damn miniature it is.

That's why I'm building the universe's|biggest miniature golf course.

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