Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs

Previously on Futurama.

Hey?

It has now been one month

since space ripped open

like flimsy human skin.

Terrified earthlings

are beginning to grow exhausted.

Professor, sprinkle us with

wisdom from your mighty brain.

How scared should we be?

Somewhere between

not at all and entirely.

I call entirely.

Scientists believe the rip is a gateway

to another universe,

but do not know

what mysteries lie beyond.

However, in this reporter's opinion

gruesome death awaits us all!

And now with sports,

here's Sportsbot 5000.

All sports canceled.

To better understand the anomaly,

I will now focus its radiation

on a giant medium-sized ant

to see what happens.

What's going on here?

I was told there would be sugar syrup.

Quiet, you.

Oh, hey, everyone, this is Colleen.

Hello!

I like your shoes.

This is awkward.

Introducing your new girlfriend

to Chesty McNag-nag.

Oh, don't mind him. I'll turn him off.

Hey, you can't turn me off...

Hi. I'm Leela.

Hi, Leela, hi, everyone.

Sorry I've been taking up

so much of Fry's time.

He's just so interesting.

Have you seen how much

cotton candy he can eat?

Oh, my, yes. 5.1 pounds.

That's why his blood

is so good on pancakes.

Well, got to skedoodle-oodle.

We're taking a cuddle-cab

to Hug-a-Bunny Village.

This lovey-dovey stuff is making me vomit

from my saltwater

and freshwater stomachs.

It is pretty sickening.

No, the double-vomit is a sign of joy.

Fry told me how he and Colleen first met.

So, how did you and Colleen first meet?

Well...

Something about seeing it

on the Jumbotron

makes it so much more real.

It's so scary.

What are you supposed to do

when the whole universe

is coming to an end?

I have a thought.

This is gonna be juicy.

What? Oh, man!

Speaking of sappy love...

Want to tell them, Kiffy?

Yes, Amy and I have a big announcement.

I... That is, we...

Oh, I'm just so excited.

Kif has asked me to be his Fonfon Ru.

- Mazel tov!

- Wonderful!

What the hell does that mean?

It means I've asked Amy to join my family.

And you're all invited to my family swamp

for our Fonfon Rubok ceremony.

If I had ever heard of it,

it would have been

what I had always dreamed of.

And our parents will be meeting

for the first time ever.

That's even more awkward

than Fry's two bimbos meeting each other.

Count me in.

Mr. And Mrs. Wong, aren't you excited

that we're all about to be joined

in a single family?

You can't borrow money.

Kif's parents come late

and we have to stand around in swamp

getting eaten alive by damn bugs?

Mrs. Wong, no.

The final stage of my species' life cycle

is a colony of flying hookworms.

You just squashed part of my father.

- Welcome.

- Sorry.

I guess you got plenty of

bugs to spare though, huh?

That was my left testicle.

And the awkward meter

goes up another notch.

Wow, Colleen, you look so beautiful

in the light of the swamp gas.

Thanks. This is really fun.

I love going to exotic worlds

and getting hammered.

Me, too.

Two more Harvey Wallclimbers.

Leela, I can't help

but notice you're unescorted.

Might I escort you behind that bush

for the next five minutes?

Nothing would revolt me more.

Then how about that shrub?

Ooh! Rubok is begun.

I am the grand priestess.

Aren't you also the grand midwife?

And the grand lunch lady.

I work five jobs, all grand.

Kif of the clan Kroker,

please trescend the Rubok Etlon

with your Fonfon Smizmar Ru.

- What?

- Get in the mud.

This mud is the petroleum from

a billion generations of Kif's ancestors.

As you become one with the ooze,

so you become one with the clan Kroker.

Oh, Kif, it's like a movie

with this happening in it.

Is the best man present?

Guilty as charged.

Kindly hose the couple.

As it was, so it is.

You may now eat the snake.

If you so choose.

It's not part of the ceremony.

I just had an extra snake.

Rubok is complete. Throw the bouquet.

Are you going to eat that?

Fry, run, run.

Get over here, oh, my God, oh, my God!

What? What is it?

Shut up already! Calculon's on TV!

I beg you, Calculon,

don't ring that door chime.

I have no choice, Monique.

Whoever the blackmailer is,

he lives behind this hideous

yet strangely familiar door.

Calculon residence.

Oh, hello, Mr. Calculon.

Son of a bit. This is my house.

But that means I'm blackmailing myself.

Why didn't you tell me, Monique?

I tried to, but I couldn't.

Oh, Calculon, I'm afraid

you have a fourth personality

the other three don't know about,

and it and I

are lovers!

How's Calculon going to take this, Fry,

especially after that

humiliating tennis tournament?

- Fry?

- Don't know, Bender.

Tonight's my big date with Colleen.

I got to run.

But me and you like to watch together.

Look, I got you a cabbage to snack on.

Humans like cabbage, right?

Step right up to the 2D Tunnel of Love.

Not one, not three,

but two glorious dimensions

for the price of a single ticket.

Keep your hands in the car,

shut up, and have fun.

Wow, you even look beautiful in 2D.

I do?

But from your perspective,

I'm just a line segment.

A really hot line segment.

So, listen, sweetie pie,

I was thinking maybe we should

take this to the next step.

Really?

Yes. Colleen...

...will you be moved in with by me?

- Way to go.

- Hooray, hooray.

- That's great.

- You're moving in with her?

Why can't she move in with us?

I could just curl up at the foot of the bed.

Listen up, everyone.

I know you've all been extremely worried

about the cosmic anomaly.

The what? Oh, right.

But there's good news.

We're all going to learn more about it

at a scientific conference.

like a city made of marshmallow.

Welcome. I am the pickled head

of Stephen Hawking on a way-cool rocket.

Black hole Hawking?

Wow, if I knew I was going to meet you,

I would have done something

with my hair.

You should have.

In conclusion, I understand

nothing about the anomaly,

even after cashing the huge check I got

for writing a book about it.

I know this anomaly is terrifying.

But as scientists, is it not our sworn duty

to seek out knowledge,

even at the cost of our very lives?

No.

I say we must mount an expedition

to the anomaly forthwith.

I agree.

Wernstrom!

Professor Farnsworth is correct.

Only a manned mission can...

Don't listen to that crackpot!

But I'm agreeing with you.

I'll make you eat those words, you moron!

I volunteer to lead the expedition.

I have a squad of graduate students

eager to risk their lives

for a letter of recommendation.

Your squad sucks bosons!

My team is twice as qualified

and three times as expendable.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Oh, tough talk for someone

with only one Fields Medal.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Wernstrom, I ought to...

I didn't know I could do that.

Now quiet down

and settle this like men of science.

Very well.

Let Deathball begin!

- Go, Planet Express!

- Go even more, my team!

Leela, header!

Ow!

Bust those balls!

Hooray! We're equally good!

Come on, Bender! Your grandmother

could push harder than that!

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