Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs Page #2

No crap.

My grandmother was a bulldozer.

And thus metal man defeated meat man.

The end.

Come here, winner!

Come here, loser!

Colleen, what are you doing?

My face is over here.

This is my boyfriend, silly!

- I thought I was your boyfriend.

- You are.

- Well, how can you have two boyfriends?

- Oh, I don't. I have five.

Fry, meet Chu, Bolt, Ndulu, and Shlomo.

- Greetings.

- Pleasure.

But... But...

Shlomo and Ndulu

will help you move your stuff

into my apartment tonight.

Welcome to the relationship, buddy!

Hmm?

There's my butterscotch.

Congratulations, deathballers!

We've won the right

to explore the anomaly!

What? I thought

I was playing for my freedom!

No.

Now, I've often said "good news"

when sending you

on a mission of extreme danger.

So when I say this anomaly is dangerous,

you can imagine

how dangerous I really think it is.

Not dangerous at all?

- Actually, quite dangerous indeed.

- That is quite dangerous!

Indeed. Now stop shilly-shallying!

Prep the ship and line up

for your preflight coffee enemas!

Warning. The enema you are about

to enjoy is extremely hot.

I don't know what to do, Leela.

Should I move in with Colleen

and her four other boyfriends?

What are you going to do?

Sleep in a big pile like hamsters?

No! It's not like that.

Everyone gets his own room

and a shelf in the refrigerator.

Take the deal, Fry!

If there's a delicious cake,

isn't it better to have one slice

than none at all?

Even if four other guys

eat the other four slices,

and they're all thrusting their

sweaty naked bodies against the cake?

Only one thing matters, Fry.

Do you really love Colleen,

like I love my little squeezle?

Yeah. I do love her.

Then things will work out.

Whoa!

Double espresso for Philip Fry?

Sorry, I'm not going on the mission.

I'm moving in with Colleen!

- Good for you, Fry.

- Oh, Fry!

I'll just take that to go.

- Welcome to your new home!

- Thanks, Colleen.

And listen, I'm sorry I got jealous before.

I'm just happy to be here with you.

Want a slice of delicious cake?

The anomaly!

It's so anomalous.

I'm feeling dread deep in my dreads!

Wernstrom!

Yes, and I'm afraid

I have disturbing news about the anomaly.

- You see...

- How did you get this number?

Hermes, hang up on him

in the rudest possible manner.

Yes, sir!

No, not the crack slam!

Oh, my life rocks.

I've got good wine, five sweethearts,

and today,

I was promoted to Chief of Police.

Here's to you.

- Me?

- No, Colleen.

- I'm making a romantic toast.

- Sorry.

You have the most beautiful eyes

I think I...

- Thank you.

- I'm not talking to you!

Then I am not talking to you, either.

Will everyone be quiet a little?

- I want to hear what he has to say!

- Thank you.

Not you, you Verstinkener.

You're just here 'cause she likes cave men

from the stupid ages.

Oh, look who's talking.

You're just here

'cause she got matzoh fever.

So, what's the explanation for you,

moron fever?

Enough! All of you!

I love you.

Most people in this world

don't have what we have.

Let's just be grateful, okay?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you're right.

So, Colleen, you look really nice.

Oh, thanks. I got dressed up for my date.

There he is. Don't wait up!

That's it. I thought

I was okay with this, but I'm not.

I'm breaking up with you!

Me?

Why are we risking our lives?

Can't we just send in a robotic drone?

What's everybody looking at me for?

"Let's send a robot to explore it.

"'Cause you can always buy

another one for 20 bucks."

Really?

Well, it's 30 bucks,

and there's a $10-mail-in rebate.

When the League of Robots

hears about this, they won't be pleased.

Oh, you'll pay, my darlings.

The League of Robots

doesn't exist, tin mon.

It's just a cartoon for babies.

Oh, yeah?

Then how come when I was a kid,

I had a whole sticker book of them?

Answer that with your precious logic.

Bender to crew.

I have reached the gateway

to another universe.

I feel awed and strangely humbled

by the momentous solemnity

of this occasion.

Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal...

I can't remember anything except

a blinding light and a searing ass pain.

I better check my black box.

The light! It's blinding!

And the ass pain! It's searing!

So that's what happened.

Hey, Bender!

Look who's here to cheer you up.

I don't need cheering up. I'm perfectly...

Greetings, sick fan.

TV's Calculon!

You poor, mangled husk

of what was once a robot!

What right hath fate to pluck

a sweet, dimple-cheeked mechanism

in the flower of his youth? And...

Scene!

There, that was some free acting for you.

Ordinarily, to see acting like that,

you'd have to sit

through a tampon commercial.

That fulfills my community service, right?

Charges of running me over

are hereby dismissed!

Ow!

Where did we go wrong, Fry?

We were meant to be together!

Nu, I'm freezing my tokhes off here.

Just a sec, honey!

I'm back, idiots!

You look wonderful, robot!

I wish I could afford to go to a hospital.

I'm dreadfully sick.

I feel great, and I owe it all to Calculon.

His visit really inspired me.

I finally know

what I want to be when I grow up.

You want to costar in his TV show?

Like that time you already did that?

No. I'm gonna be a stalker!

That's not really a career. More of a felony.

Man, I'm gonna stalk his brains out.

Ooh! Big news on the Calculon fansite!

There's a flash mob headed

for his plastic surgeon's office!

There, that's as big as I can make it.

But I caution you,

it looks completely unrealistic.

You let me worry about that!

Just do your job.

Very well.

Will you be using your SAG insurance?

No, cash. I'd like to be discreet.

Dear God, no!

- Neat!

- Get a shot of that.

Oh boy, oh boy, he's here.

Calculon, I love you! Have my baby!

Back, you lunatic!

He touched me!

Sign my ass!

Emergency! Emergency!

Everyone to the calamitorium!

- Leela, smell this.

- Can I wipe it off first?

No time, woman! No time!

- Hmm. Smells like angel dust.

- Exactly!

That's a discontinuous

electromagnetic field.

Wernstrom tried to warn me,

but I was too damn stubborn!

Hermes, get Wernstrom

on the line so I can apologize.

Ogden Wernstrom speaking.

Tell him I'm not here!

- Professor!

- Oh, very well.

Wernstrom, I've been a vainglorious fool!

If you can find it

in your heart to forgive me,

your tiny little heart,

would you consider

a scientific collaboration?

Sir, I'd be honored.

As I attempted to warn you,

the laws of electromagnetism

change abruptly at the anomaly.

Observe.

Play time is fun time.

Not this time.

My heavens!

If only I'd heeded your warning,

I'd have known it was impossible

to cross the barrier!

But note what happens when I instead

throw this laboratory koala.

It passed through

unharmed.

So living beings

can enter the other universe,

but electrical devices can't?

My hypothesis exactly.

Then we must mount

a second expedition without delay.

- Right after we blow up more robots.

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