Garfield: The Movie

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[## BAHA MEN'S HOLLA ON PLAYING]

[SNORTING]

[CLOCK RINGING]

Huh?

What the-- Aw.

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

MALE VOICE:
I hate Mondays.

[YAWNS]

Pooky, cover me. I'm goin' in.

Alley-- oop!

B-B-B-B-B-bah, ha!

GARFIELD [SINGING]: Oh, Sleep Beauty, wake up.

You can stop dreaming about me because I'm here.

Now, just wake up.

You've got work to do.

You're not just my owner, you're my primary caregiver.

Now be a--

Not now, Garfield.

Get--

[GRUNTS]

Just...

All right.

Cut the sweet stuff.

Easy now.

Just--

Trying to cuddle with me, huh?

Trying to avoid your duties, huh?

Well, that just ain't gonna, fly!

It isn't gonna work with m--

me.

See, I'm getting my exercise, doin' my job.

Just one quick cannonball!

Oh!

GARFIELD:
Morning.

JON:
Garfield?!

[SHOWER RUNNING]

Okay?

I think you're clean enough now.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

H-H-Hot!

Hot!

Hot!

GARFIELD:
Goy your towel right here.

Garfield, No!

[BEEPING]

[##]

It's liver flavored.

Mm!

Delicious.

[CHOKES]

Mm.

Mm!

Mm!

Oh!

Oh, liver!

[WATER RUNNING]

[SPITTING]

Well, actually, it's liver flavored.

[SIGHS]

That was a good breakfast.

Now I think I'll just fall off the ''Catkin's diet...

...and get myself a little high-fat chaser.

Mmm.

Garfield, look, the milk truck.

Oh, attaboy, Nermal.

The milk truck comes every day.

Yeah, but maybe not today.

Maybe it's changing routes.

Maybe this'll be the last we'll ever see of it.

Come on.

It's just across the street.

We're cats.

We like milk.

Let's go for it.

No.

But, you--

But nothin'.

I don't leave the cul-de-sac for anything.

Out there, it's a hornet's nest of trouble.

Bad things happen out there.

So I don't go out there.

Besides, I've found if you wait long enough...

...everything comes to you.

NERMAL:
Here come the milkman Here come the milkman?

He got his shoes on, he got his milk pan?

Yeah?

Yeah, I love that game.

You're such a brave little astronaut.

All right.

Prepare to jump into your spaceship, Commander Nermal.

But wh-wh--what about the milk?

Who needs milk when you can be in outer space?

Uh.

You got a secret mission today.

Yeah?

You'll be exploring the Milky Way.

Okay.

I get the chills when you jump in your little spacecraft.

The nation thanks you.

Prepare to blast off.

I'm ready to go, friend.

Three, two, one!

Whoa!

Now I feel like it.

Bon voyage.

Look at me go!

[HOLLERING]

GARFIELD:
Don't look down!

I'm an eagle flying!

GARFIELD:
Come to papa, baby.

I can see everything up here.

I can see my house.

[BURPS]

Got milk?

I can see the whole neighborhood.

Well, that's nice.

That's very nice.

Hey, there's another milk truck.

[EXCLAIMS]

And that is even nicer.

I can see--

Whoa!

Mission accomplished, Nermal.

Whoa!

Whoa, Garfield, do it again.

Where did everybody go?

You're on the wrong side of the street, fat cat.

Beat it!

And you, Luca, the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Okay, that's it.

You're gonna get it good today.

I make a point to get it good every day.

The real question, Luca, is how shall I outwit you this time?

What?

Shall I baffle you with simple math?

I know how to spell.

Or should I distract you with something shiny?

Now you're making fun of me.

I hope so.

You're no fun to look at.

You'll never get the best of me!

Ugh!

I think I just did.

Not the ducks again!

[## JAMES BROWN'S "I FEEL GOOD ON PLAYING]

Jump back!

And kiss myself.

[WHOOPS]

If I ever get off this chain, you're goin' down.

Everybody back up!

I don't know how wild this thing is gonna get.

I love the smell of cinnamon-apple in the morning.

[SNIFFS]

It smells like--

victory.

LUCA:
Ooohh!

I hate this fat cat.

So much time, and so little I need to do.

[SQUEAKS]

Mouse!

GARFIELD:
No thanks, I'm full.

Get him, Garfield!

Get him, Jon!

[CRASHING]

Oh, it's always gotta be smashing and crashing.

Nobody poisons anymore.

Ugh!

Whoa!

[GRUNTING]

There's my ball?

What good is a cat that can't chase a mouse?

I don't do the chase thing.

All right, I'll handle this.

I know you don't hear me, but can't you just listen?

[PANTING]

Louis, what are you doing in the house when Jon's home?

Sorry, Garfield, man.

I could't help it.

Look, when he sees you, he expects more from me.

Don't you get that?

Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies.

I'm trying to maintain.

You understand?

Sure.

As long a you understand I have to eat you.

Aw!

[SWALLLOWS]

Mm.

Mmm.

[SLURPS]

Mm!

Mmm!

Oh, good boy.

See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

You are the best cat a guy could have.

Mmm.

[CHUCKLES]

Mm!

Mm.

Mmm.

[GARFIELD MUFFLED GRUNTS]

[SPITS]

Have you tasted yourself lately?

Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-class lounge in there for me either.

Get yourself lost.

Take a powder for a couple days...

get a haircut and grow a beard.

Cool.

I owe you one, ''G''. I got a question for you.

Do you love your cat?

Finally, back on my regular schedule.

You're gonna make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food.

Isn't that right, Persnikitty?

That cat's puss is everywhere...

TV, newspaper, T-shirts.

Who would want that kind of exposure?

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey, buddy.

Yeah, cut the small talk.

What's in the bag?

Remember, be happy.

I'm happy when I'm with you, you delicate mlange...

of tomato paste, ricotta chesse, ground meat and pasta!

Garfield, don't even think about it.

That's my food.

I may just nibble.

Thanks, Happy.

And thank you for joining us.

I'm Christopher Mello.

Remember...

Be happy.

[BELL RINGING]

Okay, cut.

Good.

[SNEEZES]

MAN:
We're clear.

Give me the Benadryl.

Give me the Benadryl.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Damned cat allergies.

[SNEEZING]

Any word from the network yet?

Uh, no, but they're looking for a dog act on Good Day, New York.

Dog act!

Story of my life.

Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat.

I thought the segment went quite well.

[IN WHINY VOICE] "I thought the segment quite well."

Of course it went well, you toad!

The 50 housewives who saw it, loved it.

This is Walter J.

Chapman reporting live from The Hague.

Oh, please, what a know-it-all!

...were met with angry crowds...

And everybody always said I was the handsome one.

I was the smart one.

And I was born first.

But there you are "live from The Hague"...

and here I am working with this sack of dander on a dead-end regional morning show.

Back to you, Dan.

Back to you, Dan.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Garfield?!

[GARFIELD MOANS]

Did you eat all four boxes of lasagna?

[HICCUPS, GULPS]

It's not my fault.

They started it.

What am I gonna do with you?

Love me.

Feed me.

Never leave me.

Come on.

Let's go for a ride to someplace you love...

that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

Huh?

Oh, I know...

Chuck E. Cheese.

GARFIELD:
Thank you.

No Wendy's?

Taco Kitty?

No?

Well, I'm stumped.

Maybe Olive Garden for you?

Hmm.

The only time I ever leave my cul-de-sac is when Jon takes me to the vet...

which he's been doing a lot recently, and it appears to have nothing to do with me.

Jon must want to go for his own reason.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield.

He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

No need for a second opinion.

Well, I worry about him.

I know you do.

Oh!

[GIGGLES]

You know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

''Him'' has a name.

Is this an H.M.O.?

Let's get Garfield in for his dip.

I wanna talk to you in private.

Mm.

Oh!

She's so beautiful.

Uh, Mr.

Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since high school.

Would you please ask her out.

[GROANS]

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