Gascoigne Page #3

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but they were buying players.

When I spoke to Terry Venables,

he says, "One thing I can promise you,

"if you come to this club

I will get you to play for England."

And, you know, the thought of playing

for England, wow.

And then, all of a sudden,

Man United come in.

I thought, "Ooh, Man United,

Sir Alex Ferguson, you know.

The experience of the guy is phenomenal.

So I spoke to Sir Alex and I says, "Yeah,

"I'm gonna sign for you."

And he went, "Brilliant."

He says, "So I can go on holiday now.

"I've got the player I want?

I says, "Yeah, you go away on holiday,

"I'm signing,

and really enjoy yourself."

He went, "Cheers, son."

So I'm on the way to Man United and then

Tottenham said,

"Look, I tell you what we'll do,

"we'll buy your parents a house."

I'm... "F***ing hell. A house."

I ring my dad up

and I said, "Dad, you know,

I want to sign for Man United

"but Spurs has offered to buy

you and mum a house."

And he went, "What the f***

are you waiting for then?"

Which was brilliant. I went, "Okay,"

and then he went, "Can you get a car for us?"

So I went, Hold on, Dad."

So I went, "Terry, my dad wants a car."

I was shitting myself and he went,

"Consider it done. "

So I'm driving up the motorway,

the phone goes again

I'm like, "No, it's family."

I went, "Yeah." It was my sister.

She went, "Paul, well,

if my mum's getting a house

"and my dad's getting a car,

I want a sunbed."

I went, "Hold on." So I ring,

"You know, the house is quite nice and that,

"and my sister's room is quite good.

"Is it okay if she can have a sunbed, please?"

And he went, "Okay, we'll get you

a sunbed for your sister."

And that was it, signed for Spurs.

The pressure was on.

Highest transferred player in the country,

2.2 million, you know, you look at it now,

some people get that a month.

But, for that moment, to go for two million,

the pressure was on.

Spurs coming

forward again.

This is Chris Waddle,

made a bit of space for himself.

Fine run by Gascoigne! Real chance!

Denied, he test his boot in the process.

But that is his first goal for Spurs,

and it was scored without a boot.

It was a sort of impudence.

Gascoigne... Wonderful!

He had great confidence.

You could see he played

for the love of the game.

Completely for the love of the game.

He didn't, obviously,

give it too much thought.

And he had this amazing strength,

upper body,

where he'd push people off.

Beautiful combination

from Gascoigne, and he's won out!

He excited you

on the pitch.

It mightn't have been the best of games

but he lifted everyone when he got the ball

and you could feel an anticipation.

Gascoigne taking

the ball on, and scoring superbly!

And did he enjoy that.

And you get fan mail.

The fan mail starts coming

thick and fast, you know.

I remember opening my first fan mail

and it was from Sir Alex Ferguson.

I said, "Ooh, sh*t."

He went, "I can't believe

what you've done, you stupid bastard."

Again, just, "You've turned

down the biggest club in the world."

He says, "You know, I turned down all

these Barcelonas, Madrids and AC Milan

"come to Man United,

You told me to go on my holiday

"and you sign for f***ing Spurs.

It took him six years to get

speaking to us again.

I loved it at Spurs, you know.

The times I had there were fantastic.

The fun and the laughs we had, you know,

the team spirit was absolutely brilliant.

I mean, Terry Venables was

the only manager I could think of in this world

that could deal with us.

I remember halfway through the season,

the lads went, "I thought you do

crazy things, Gazza."

I went, "I am I do.

We'll do something tomorrow."

So I'm driving home and I pass a zoo.

And I just looked and I went,

That'd be interesting."

The guy's house was actually in the zoo.

I went to his house at 7:30 in the morning,

knocking on his door.

He went, "What do you want, Gazza?"

I went, "Can I borrow an ostrich?"

He f***ing...

What do you want an ostrich for?"

I said, "I just need

to f***ing borrow one."

Stick it in the back of the car.

Ostrich giving that with its long neck, man.

And I waited till the lads went out warming up

and I got the ostrich. I went, "Yeah, lads, look

at this new player Terry Venables signed,

"the gaffer's signed,"

and I threw it on the pitch.

And it was so funny because the lads

were doing side-to-side running

and this ostrich was doing the same behind.

I thought it was quite funny.

All the lads did

but the lads finish training at 1:00.

Have you ever tried

catching a f***ing ostrich?

Honestly.

I caught this ostrich...

I got the ostrich back at around

5:
00 in the afternoon.

I was knackered.

Well, the

training ground experience,

like anything else with Gazza, is always,

is always great fun.

A practical joker,

beyond the likes of which

I don't think I've ever seen,

before or after.

Didn't always know where the line was.

And would occasionally cross it.

Honestly, Gary Lineker has got

a woman's body.

It's so smooth and everything, honestly.

He could be, could have,

close to the body of a ladyboy.

We used to have

a guy coming along to training.

Nice chap. Do anything for you.

One day,

Gazza had brought in this campervan

and he'd gone and got

one of those parking cones.

He climbed up and he put it on the roof.

This chap comes out.

Gazza shouts to him,

he says, "Hey, just, do us a favour

"just nip up there

and get the cone off the roof.

"Somebody, somebody's put it

on the roof of my van."

So he went, "Yeah, sure."

So he goes and he climbs up

the ladder on the back

and he gets up.

And as he does so,

Gazza switches the thing on

and goes and drives out.

And now the fellow is hanging on this ladder,

on the back of this truck.

And he goes out of the gates at

the old training ground in Mill Hill.

Turns right

and there's a little mini roundabout

about 200 yards uphill.

He goes up this roundabout.

The fellow now is like Superman, horizontal,

hanging onto this ladder at the back.

It was the most dangerous but hilarious thing,

I think I've ever seen.

And he went around

the roundabout, screeched back.

Still somehow he hung on, thankfully.

Otherwise it could have been disastrous.

Screeched back into the car park. Parked it.

Everyone's crying with laughter,

and, as he pulls in, Terry Venables walks out

and he comes out and he goes,

"I don't wanna be seeing this really, do I?"

And he walked straight back in again.

I think if you just let someone

have their head completely,

it can go out of control

and you can blossom the person.

If you keep right on top of them, you stifle it.

It's the personality that he is.

I mean, he's a joy to have in the club.

The players like him.

You know, he's a kind fellow

and he's got a lot of heart and warmth.

Terry Venables was brilliant.

I think it was, yeah.

I think it was me 10th game.

And he says "Gaz, I need to see you."

He shouted it from his window

because his office is upstairs.

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