Gimme the Loot Page #3

So, uh, where's Donnie?

Is he golfing

with that a**hole Ben Brogan?

Donnie does not golf.

Yes, he does.

You didn't know that?

No, 'cause it's not true.

I don't know what to tell you

other than the fact

that he was on the varsity

golf team at Oornell.

Get the f*** out of here.

I'm not kidding.

- Yo, my boys found out

about this sh*t?

You don't understand.

This nigga Zerox golfs?

That's f***ing retarded.

Zerox?

Yeah, that's his tag name.

That's ridiculous.

- Yo.

- Yo, Malcolm.

Where Champion's spot at

again?

You mean the impound?

Yeah.

- Wait, you going to sell

the cans?

- No, we gonna talk about

our feelings.

- A'ight, it's on 134th,

right by the underpass.

A'ight.

- So have you ever traveled

anywhere?

I've been to Florida.

- That's not bad.

It must be nice.

I've never been to Florida.

Where have you been?

I've been to India.

What?

- Yeah, Oosta Rica,

Mexico,

Paris, all over Italy-

like, three times in Italy-

Spain,

elsewhere in France.

That's crazy.

- There's still so many places

I want to go, though.

I mean-

- But, sh*t,

you got a head start on me.

- Yeah, well,

I'm sure you'd like it.

What are your favorite foods?

- That's easy.

Milkshakes.

What flavor?

Vanilla milkshakes.

Nah, f*** vanilla.

That's wack.

No, vanilla's fine.

I don't like chocolate and get

sh*t for that all the time.

- I'm more interesting

than that.

I like...

Mint chocolate.

Yeah.

Okay.

What's your favorite food?

- Uh, that's easy,

two favorite foods:

oysters, cherry pie.

Oh, three:
champagne.

- That's-

champagne is not a food.

All in combination.

The best meal.

You a drunk.

Yo, Champion, what's good?

What up, girl?

What's poppin'?

- Damn, still doing

that nursing home scam,

robbin' them old ladies?

That's f***ed up.

- You gonna question me

on how I feed my family, man?

This is how I feed my kids.

If I gotta scam the old folk,

I'ma scam the old folk.

Right, right.

Yo, I need my cans.

You need all the f***ing cans?

All my f***ing cans.

- What the f***

you about to get into?

Don't worry about it.

What you scheming on, man?

- It ain't got sh*t to do

with you,

so don't worry about it.

Just go get my cans.

- You gonna watch how you

f***ing talk to me too, man,

before I make you go back

outside and come back in,

start this sh*t

all over again.

- Will you please

go get my cans?

A'ight, that's better, man.

One minute, mama.

F*** up my work habitat.

Yo, you got all 25?

- Yeah, b*tch,

I got all 25 f***ing cans!

And you got my five montanas?

- Yo, listen, I ain't touched

your f***ing bag, man.

Take yo' sh*t, man.

Let me see.

A'ight, a'ight.

Yo, Champion,

I got this cell phone.

It's brand-f***ing-new.

You gotta buy this sh*t from me.

Look.

I don't do cell phones, man.

Put it back in your pocket.

Trying to set me up

or some sh*t, man.

- Ain't nobody trying

to set your ass up.

- You want to get rid of it,

man?

Go right there-

172nd, Rosedale.

Little corner store,

close to the corner, man.

Go right there to the back.

They got you.

They always send that sh*t back

to they country, man.

- So they give you the money

straight up?

No bullshit?

- Yeah, man,

I'm schooling you right now.

I'm schooling you right-

You don't know everything

in this f***ing-

You a young girl!

- Whatever.

- F***, man.

- You don't know everything

either.

- Still got a lot to learn.

- Shut up.

- F***, I'm trying to help

your dumb ass.

- Shut the f*** up,

Champion.

- F*** wrong with these f***ing

young uns today, man?

F***ing think they know-

they f***in' don't know

they ass from they elbow.

- Yo.

I want-

- You gotta do that sh*t

outside.

A'ight.

So you just gonna give me

my money here?

What?

What the f***?

What, you call this nigga

from the back to lock the door?

I didn't call nobody.

- Just give me

my damn money, then.

What money you talking about?

- What you mean,

what money I'm talking about?

You saw me go in the back,

knock on the door,

and give this nigga

a $200 phone.

You know you saw that sh*t.

- Yo, you need to go home

with all-

- Don't try to play me

like I'm stupid.

And this nigga right here,

what, you a bodega bouncer?

Punk-ass nigga

hiding behind a door.

A'ight, just give me $50.

$50 for what?

For coming into my store?

- No, $50 for the f***ing phone

I gave him.

- I don't know what phone

you talking about.

- You know what?

I'm sorry.

Just give me $30.

What?

Don't f***ing act stupid.

You know what the f***

I'm talking about!

You need to go home.

F*** you!

And f*** you too,

both of y'all b*tches

hiding behind

a f***ing plastic door.

You want to scrape me

for a f***ing phone?

Here.

Scrape that sh*t, b*tch.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

You know that's real, right?

That's f***ed up.

No, it's a good one.

See how many teeth he has?

That's how you price a skull,

number of teeth.

That sh*t is sick, okay?

That can't be legal.

It can't.

Probably isn't.

Here, sit.

- Don't know if I trust you,

crazy.

So...

Have you met

Donnie's girlfriend?

Yeah, I know Eleonore.

She cool peoples.

She's, like, a hippie and sh*t.

You can't be a hippie, okay?

What you mean?

- It's, like,

an olden times thing.

It's like saying

she's a Victorian courtesan

or a Mayan princess

or something.

Anyway, he cheats on her.

So what?

- No, but he cheats on her

with, like, vagabonds.

What the f*** is vagabonds?

Vagabonds are...

Well, okay.

So this one time,

Donnie and I

were getting cash

out of an ATM,

and there was

this old Hispanic woman

cleaning the floor-

like, the janitor or something.

And she was really old

and really fat.

Okay.

And Donnie picked her up.

No way.

Way.

He picked her up,

and he took her home,

and he f***ed her.

In his own bed!

No!

Yo, you serious?

I really wish I wasn't.

It's disgusting!

He sleeps with, like,

semi-homeless girls.

- Yo, oh, my God.

He fucks old ladies.

That's crazy.

You don't even understand

how much sh*t

I'm gonna give him for this.

Sh*t, this is gold.

Here, do you want some?

Vagabonds.

- I-

- I, uh-

- Go, go, go, go.

Go.

Um, no, you first.

- No, no, no.

Just go.

Mine was really dumb.

Mine was worse.

I bet you mine was worse.

- You will lose that bet.

Promise.

- Well, in that case,

it's a bet.

And if I win,

you have to give me free weed.

- I don't know about that,

but...

Come on.

All right.

- Okay, now you have to pick

something.

If I win...

You gotta give me

your necklace.

- What?

No way.

Um, look around.

Pick something else.

- There's a lot of stuff

in here.

What do you want?

- If I win,

you have to give me...

A kiss.

Okay.

I was going to ask you

if you've ever written your name

in the sidewalks...

Not that I recall.

- When they pour

the wet cement in

and it's all new?

Mm-mm.

- I've done that,

with a key.

And I have my name in sidewalks

all over the city now.

I was thinking

that's sort of like graffiti.

Yeah.

- Anyway,

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