Girlfriends of Christmas Past Page #6

and you can get cleaned up.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

But Comet wants a kiss.

Will you put that rodent

back where it belongs, please?

[Murphy] How do you expect

Anderson to pee his pants...

Hi, guys! -...unless we are throwing

him a Christmas party like no other?

Hi!

Carter came to help us.

Isn't that nice?

How lovely! Thank you, Carter!

Yeah, sure, no problem.

Do you guys need me to stay?

- Help with decorating?

- No.

No, we're good.

We got it covered.

We would love some help, thanks.

- Yes, that'd be nice.

- Okay.

Okay.

I can't believe you!

Now he's definitely

not going anywhere!

Sorry, but it's obvious,

he likes him some Livvy!

- It's cute.

- How is that obvious to you?

You can't even tell the difference

between an evergreen and an oak!

I thought he said we could pick

any tree we wanted!

Anyway, a true actor

is a great observer.

Well, do you have any idea

how hard it's gonna be

to set up Anderson's self-sabotage

with him here the entire time?!

Maybe we can just plant my safari

sounds CD in Anderson's car,

so it blares when he turns

the engine on to leave.

If that doesn't send Megan

screaming back into the city,

I don't know what will.

That's the stupidest idea

I've ever heard.

I bet if you just hang around,

that's gonna do the trick.

[Zoe shouts]

[crashing]

[panting]

[Livvy] Oh! Mind your head.

So what made you get

into event planning, anyway?

Well, my mom had a theme for

every holiday party growing up.

Each had its own

special dinner menu,

and flower arrangements, so...

I guess I just became

really good at it.

And how about your colleagues? How'd

you guys meet? They seem fun.

They're great.

I met them on...

an event planning website thing.

What about you?

Why software engineering?

Well, believe it or not,

I was a bit of a computer

and gaming nerd

when I was growing up.

Don't say anything.

And... I don't know, I guess

it's just like what you said,

I just realized it was

something I was good at.

That's good, 'cause you kind of

suck at what you're doing.

We're supposed

to be making bows, so...

- I knew that.

- You did?

I did, and you know what? I bet I

can make better bows than you can.

What's your wager?

- Do you cook?

- [scoffs] Yeah!

- Delicious is my middle name.

- I'll tell you what,

I'll take the bottom half,

you take the top.

Whosever is better wins,

and if you win,

I'll cook you dinner.

But when I win...

[scoffs]

You have to make a culinary

Christmas masterpiece.

Deal.

- That one.

- That one.

No!

What's for dinner?

[women whispering]

Do not let that rodent

out again.

It's not a pet, it's a prop.

Livvy, this food is amazing!

She's right, Liv.

It's all really delicious.

Actually, did you guys know

that Livvy's middle name

is Delicious?

What? You never told us that!

[Zoe] Who gave you

that middle name?

My exes. All of 'em.

- It's uncanny.

- [Carter] That was nice of them.

You must have dated

some really great guys.

Great guys with great words

and zero follow-through.

Men:
worst

investment risk there is.

Puppies are a much safer bet.

Wow. Is this

the Broken Hearts Club?

[Livvy] If it is,

it's a big one.

Because all of us have been

through the same experiences.

We've all been lied to

or cheated on...

Yeah, but surely you recognize there

are some good guys out there still?

What happened

to your ex-girlfriend?

Well... It ended.

And she just really wanted

to get married, and...

I knew that deep down, we weren't

really in love each other, so...

So you dumped her?

Yeah. I didn't lie

or cheat on her.

Right, but you

didn't commit either.

I mean, what's so wrong

with committing to a woman

who knows what she wants

out of her life?

No. See, that's the thing. She didn't

know what she wanted when it came to us.

All she knew that she wanted was a ring on

her finger and a couple of kids someday.

It didn't matter if I was

the right guy or not.

Half the time it felt like

we barely even knew each other.

We weren't even friends.

Maybe she wanted to be more than just

your lady friend. You ever think of that?

Or an independent woman who can't

speak her mind without judgement.

Or seen as nothing more

than banging legs

and perfect teeth

and big brains.

Or maybe it's just that

you girls are chasing this image

of an unattainable guy

that you think you want,

and then when you finally

catch him, you realize,

he's not half the guy you spent all

this time cracking him up to be.

Maybe it's not the problem

that all guys are alike.

Maybe it's just that you girls

aren't very good at picking them.

[scoffs]

Wow, is that

the same lame excuse

you're gonna give

that gift basket girl

when you're ready to call

it quits with her?

Hmm!

Wow... If by gift basket girl

you mean my mom? Then...

I would say no. It's probably pretty

hard to call it quits on her.

Your mother is the one that you

thought gave you that gift basket?

Yeah. I mean, she denied it,

but when I was a kid,

she used to always joke

and say if I was naughty, I

wasn't going to get any presents,

so, I just thought it was like

a secret gag gift from her.

Wait. Who did you think

gave me the gift basket?

Some girl you were seeing?

Ah...

Well, if that were the case,

I guess...

I could see how that would make

me appear, but...

I'm not that guy.

Apparently not, and I'm sorry.

It's okay. We all...

misjudge a little bit sometimes.

Hey, why don't we pop on down to that

little dive bar we passed on the way in?

What? Eww! Why?

You know, so we could spread

our Christmas cheer.

Oh, right.

Yes! Yes, we should do that.

Whose going to help me

with the tree?

I could stay.

Come on. You know

you could use my help.

Okay.

Bye.

- Have you ever decorated a tree?

- Of course!

So, if it is honky-tonk,

Middle America in there,

we pass out invites.

But if it's a skid row

and serial killers,

then we are out of there.

Got it?

Yeah.

But wait.

What is middle America?

The Party Princess

52 weekends out of the year.

- Go.

- Oh.

- [door opens]

- [patrons chattering]

[gasps]

- [door closes]

- Zoe... Zoe!

What are you doing?!

Passing out invites

to the Middle Americans.

No, no, Zoe.

These people are not safe.

- They have scabies or rabies...

- [baby cries]

- Babies!

- No, not babies.

How cute. I love your babies!

You wanna hold one of them?

This one's Sadie,

and the gassy one here is Rosie.

Careful, that one's

full of soda pop.

Aw!

You should come to our Christmas

Eve party tomorrow night.

It's just down the road,

and it's gonna be a blast.

Invite all of your friends.

No, no, no! Zoe, no!

Please, put the baby back!

We have to go. Okay?

[Murphy] Yeah, this is not safe.

[country music playing]

Oh my God, I love this song.

Oh, They don't know

Boy, it's tough to be a girl

High-heel shoes

and miniskirts

Takes at least an hour

to do our hair

[applause]

[Carter] Here is

my famous hot cocoa.

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