Going in Style Page #3

a bank, we get away with it,

we retire with dignity.

Worst comes to the worst, we get caught,

we get a bed, three meals a day

and better healthcare than we get now.

You...

You're talking about us?

Us and you?

Yeah, I mean, if a gang of thugs

can do it, it can't be that hard.

You're out of your frigging mind.

You have spent 20 years waiting to die, Al.

With no life and no purpose.

And robbing a bank is going

to give me a purpose?

It will give us money.

Willie would be able to get on a plane

and go and see his granddaughter.

It's a little hard to catch

a plane out of prison, Joe.

Yeah, but we won't get caught.

They didn't get caught.

Well, they were young. They were fast.

We got skills, experience. Smarts.

Arthritis, gout, shingles.

Make a wish, Willie.

Hello?

I'm just lying here,

thinking about all of the birthday

wishes that I have had over the years.

And how many of them I've kept secret.

And none of them ever came true.

They never seem to pay out.

So I figure I'm going to

tell you this one, Joe.

I mean, what's the worst that can happen?

A whole bunch of nothing, right?

Fire away, Willie.

I want to live better than I am.

I want to see my family

more than once a year.

And from here on in,

I want to have a piece of pie whenever

the hell I want a piece of pie.

You know what I mean?

Hear, hear.

You were serious today.

I think so.

The thing is,

we have nothing to lose.

I'm not a thief, Joe.

Neither am I.

We take exactly what's owed

on the pension, right?

That's all I want.

Not a penny more.

My word.

Wake Al up.

Hold on.

Al.

Al.

Albert!

- Huh? - Pick up the phone!

Who died?

Nobody died, it's Joe.

I don't talk to criminals.

You heard that?

Hang up. I'll call him back.

What do you want?

The thing is, what do you want, Al?

You want to drift off into the sunset,

or do you want to go out with a bang?

I don't have a problem with dying.

I just don't want to do it in prison.

Nobody's going to prison.

What exactly is happening here?

Willie's in.

You're both out of your minds.

Sleep on it, Al.

I don't need to sleep on anything.

I'm not a bank robber.

Neither are you, or you, Willie.

What?

Why did you pick up the phone?

Because it was ringing.

Because you're interested.

What are you, my psychiatrist now?

More like a psychic.

Well, then you know I'm

going to hang up now.

I'll see you tomorrow, Al.

Sweet dreams.

And don't call back.

All right, Willie. It's

time to walk before we run.

These goddamn expiration dates are

so small, they want you to go blind.

Take these, I got two for one.

Oh, good. Chicken thighs are on special.

I can make a cordon bleu.

Mets or Yankees?

Don't insult me.

Huh. Nice hats.

We got business here, Al.

Okay. What do you mean?

Give me that list.

What are you doing?

Wait here. We'll be right back.

What are you doing with my list?

Why did you rip up my list?

Why should I wait in the car?

Wait in the bloody car!

Why?

I don't want to stay in the

car, it's hot in here!

Psst! Psst!

Psst! Joe. Joe! Behind the crumbs.

Joe, I'm going to get a roast.

We need chicken. It's cordon bleu.

I don't want cordon bleu.

Stick to the plan!

Ah, welcome to Value...

Hello, Al.

Hi, Annie.

What are you shopping for?

Chicken cordon bleu was the plan,

but the plan seems to be changing.

I gotta get some chicken thighs.

Oh, let me help you.

Give me the big one.

The whole thing?

The whole damn thing.

You're the Boss.

Annie, just let me have the thing.

Come on, you have your own work to do now.

No, no. It's my job. There's no problem.

Let's see. There's a double

coupon in the flyer.

It costs about the same as thighs but, see,

these are breasts.

And breasts are better than

thighs, don't you think?

It could go either way.

Oh, ham.

So good.

Do you like ham?

Okay.

This will go perfectly with...

I mean, if you want company.

It's a big bottle.

Yeah, listen, I got to tell you.

You're a terrific person, but

I know what you're doing.

You're wasting your time. I don't want

to have a relationship with anybody.

I wasn't offering one.

Good, great. Then we see eye to eye.

Security to ethnic foods, please.

We'll talk about this later.

I'll look forward to it.

Where the f*** is my basket?

Willie, Willie.

Al's gone.

I got a new getaway car.

Where the hell did you get that thing?

I stole it.

Jump in the basket.

Who the hell do you think I am? E.T.?

Willie, jump in the bloody basket.

I'm not getting in no bloody basket!

She's gaining on us.

Hey, you. Stop right there!

Hey! Halt!

- Halt!

- What are you chasing me for?

Halt!

I heard you the first time.

Don't make me tase you!

This is not an admission of guilt!

I am just tired.

We got to get rid of some weight.

Get rid of that damned pork loin.

What?

What the...

Flour, flour. Give me the flour.

Halt!

Halt!

Stop!

I think we can make the light.

No, no, no. You're not going

to make the light, Joe.

You're not gonna make the light.

Hey!

No, Joe, you can't make the light!

We can make the light! We're gonna do it!

You're not gonna make the light!

Yes, we are!

Don't make another move.

I don't know what's going

on in the world anymore.

You were going to make a cordon

bleu with chicken thighs?

That's a crime in and of itself.

I have nothing to say for myself.

Look what you did to Cindy.

Now she looking like a Colombian drug mule.

Never

in all my years

has anybody ever walked off

with a whole pork loin.

What would your momma say?

Go big or go home.

Had to be the brother.

And why were you running?

You didn't steal anything.

Because your storm trooper

here was chasing me.

No, they were chasing your friends.

He was chasing me. When

somebody chases me, I run.

That's the way it works.

Look, you guys are old.

And I'm gonna be there in

40, or 50 years, I get it.

Here.

Here are some coupons.

And we double them on Tuesday, but

I'm sure you already know that.

So don't steal. It's wrong.

But if you do steal, don't

steal from Value Town.

Yeah, couple of great friends I got.

You just made me an

accomplice to a robbery.

We never asked you to do anything.

I drive you there. I drive you back.

That makes me a getaway driver.

Oh, don't flatter yourself.

You drive like my grandmother,

and she drove a horse and buggy.

That's a good one. Just for

that you can walk home.

Don't touch my car. Don't get in the car.

You're not going to make us walk!

Hell I'm not.

Oh, boy. You guys are going

to be great bank robbers.

You just got busted robbing Value Town!

Oh-ho!

I hate when he's right.

We're going to need professional help.

You think?

Oh, yeah. We might as well

turn ourselves in now.

You know any criminals?

I know a lowlife.

Uh... No habla Ingls.

I know it's you, Murphy.

What are you doing here, Joe?

I've come about the child

support you're not paying.

Didn't I lose you in the divorce, Joe?

Hit the buzzer.

"Maui Wowie."

"Bad B*tch."

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote