Going The Distance

For us to push back from the gate...

...make sure seatbelts are fastened...

...tray tables in their locked position,

and your luggage is completely stowed.

We'd like to thank you all for flying with us.

Welcome aboard....

Flight 82 to San

Francisco is ready for boarding at Gate...

Flight 63

to New York now boarding at Gate 41...

If you'd like to make a call...

- So...

- So...

- Happy birthday.

- Oh!

Thank you...

...for the takeout.

Sure.

It's the least I could do.

It's your birthday.

- Heh. So?

- Oh, yeah, right.

But Dan's home

so we gotta go to the bedroom.

Oh. Are we done in here?

Yeah, well, we finished eating.

What?

I just thought

that this might be a great moment...

...for you to give me my gift.

Oh, sh*t.

Amy, I didn't get you anything.

You told me that you didn't want me

to get you anything.

What's happening? Oh, God.

- Are you crying?

- No.

I have missed something here, baby.

So you wanted a present?

Garrett,

I tell you not to get me something...

...so you want to get me something

really great...

...because I'm the girlfriend

that didn't ask for anything.

What? Okay, you know what, let's go.

I'll get you something now.

It is not about the goddamn gift.

It just was about the gift.

When did it become not about the gift?

It's bigger than this.

It's a combination of a lot of things.

I've invested so much in this relationship

and I don't feeI like you're doing the same.

I don't even know if you're into this.

Are you?

- Sure.

- Oh, my God.

Ah, Amy, come on.

- Don't even think about calling me again.

- Oh, Jesus. Amy, wait, wait, wait.

I should not call you

or I should want to call you?

Okay, so it means what it means. Good.

- Ow! Oh, my God. Mother b*tch.

- Erin, you're late.

Thanks, Brandy.

I almost forgot why I was running.

Did he use the red pen with you guys?

No.

- Well, it's impressive reporting.

- Thank you.

However,

needs to be completely restructured.

And a spellcheck wouldn't hurt.

"MunincibaI" courthouse?

Not sure where that is.

Thank you, ladies.

- Where are you going?

- I'm 31. I'm an intern.

- I'm going to get wasted.

- Oh, I'm so in.

Let's go.

I'd love a copilot. Look at this sh*t.

Oh, my God, he bled on it.

I still can't believe

she broke up with me.

- Of course she did, dumb-ass.

- Because I didn't get a gift?

It's not the gift.

- Don't think it's the gift.

- It's not.

How does everyone except me

know it's not about the gift?

- Oh. Dude, are you kidding me?

- All right, hang on a second, man.

I get it, all right?

It's a tough thing to get dumped.

You get upset, you go to your room,

you turn off all the lights...

...you light a candle

and you just, like you know...

...go to that deep emotionaI place

where you're like :

- Is that really how you cry?

Yes.

Are you going through that?

Have you cried?

- Uh, I didn't cry. I've never cried like that.

- I cry like that all the time.

I've only really cried over a girI

in, like, high schooI, maybe.

I don't know.

Maybe you weren't into that chick.

Because I didn't cry, it means I'm not-

No, I liked her. Of course I liked her.

And we were good together.

I don't know what happened.

- I don't know what happened.

Aw, dude.

- This happens every time.

- What?

You get in a relationship

but you don't fully commit.

You never have,

not since I've known you.

The girI figures that out and she splits.

And then we have to sit here

and listen to you be surprised about that.

- Over and over again. This happens a lot.

- All the time.

It's not true. It happens occasionally.

There's a definite pattern.

- Definite pattern.

You know what?

F*** you, f*** you.

I'm gonna go clear my head.

- A lot of self-righteousness going on.

- You gonna cry it out?

I'm not crying, just gonna clear my head.

Clear your head, cry, same thing.

You know what I'm talking about

with the man cry.

Like that low, like:

I don't know. If you ask me, that looks

like you're trying to suck your own dick.

- That does not-

- Yes, it does.

If I wasn't making any noise...

...and you saw me like this,

what does it look like?

Looks like you're trying to suck your dick.

That's not how.

When I suck my dick, I lie on my back,

I throw my legs over my head.

- You suck your own dick?

- Yeah.

You cut your hair

and you suck your own dick.

You're like a Swiss army knife.

Hey, we should circulate.

There's hot guys everywhere.

You're being lame.

What would you rather I do?

Get date-raped by a frat guy

with a popped collar?

No, thank you.

You are just jealous.

- More for you, baby.

Thank you.

Go have fun being in The Accused.

Hey.

- Hey.

I like your shirt.

- I know. It's Polo.

You smell good.

- It's Axe.

- I know.

You might as well remove that quarter.

I have no intention of getting off this game.

Listen-

- Oh, my God.

- What?

- Who does that?

- What the f***?

- What the f*** are you doing?

- What the f*** are you doing?

Who leans in like that?

I was just about to beat the high score.

There's no way you got that close to ERL.

I've never gotten that close.

You know how long

I've been trying to beat myself?

I mean, what a dick move.

Wait, what?

What the f-?

What? Hold on. Hold on. You're ERL?

You're the dragon?

I'm a what?

I've been chasing ERL for months now.

I just thought ERL was an-

I thought ERL was an "EarI," you know.

Erin Rankin Langford.

Nobody calls me ERL.

I'm honored, okay. I am honored.

Sh*t, what a dick. I leaned in.

I owe you a beer.

Please let me get you a beer.

Look, I'm sitting right over there,

we got a pitcher.

I'd feeI like sh*t if you don't have a beer

with me. One Centipedophile to another.

All right.

- I feeI like you're not listening to me.

- I am listening.

I'm trying to figure this out.

I can't tell if they're together.

I think they're on their first date. Tall.

Yes, I see them. They're tall.

But are you not afraid about what's-

- I bet the blond played college sports.

- Can you pay attention?

There are no baby pigeons in the city.

Not one.

You guys, uh, I want you to meet Erin.

Uh, Erin, these are my friends.

This is Box and Dan.

Hi. How are you?

- Hey.

- Hello.

I screwed up Erin's Centipede game

so I owe her a beer.

F***er put his face

in front of the game.

- What? Who does that?

Oh.

- Exactly.

- Well, it wasn't that bad.

Check, one.

Okay, everyone, people.

It is time for tonight's round

of bar trivia.

So you know the rules.

Uh, just teams of two.

No fighting, no g-

Oh! Sh*t!

Terry, I just got shocked by this mike.

Well, then don't put your face on it.

I do not have health care, Terry.

Hey, listen, these two get really moody

and emotionaI when they're separated...

- ... so do you wanna team up?

Sure.

Just don't drag me down, okay?

You don't seem very smart.

What country has the driest inhabited area

in the world?

Is it A, Syria-?

Egypt.

Okay, let me read all the choices

before you answer.

Egypt, the answer's Egypt.

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