Gold Diggers of 1935 Page #5

when I'm practically a pauper...

and my dividend's cut on a million shares.

The $20-million pauper.

- That's a tragedy.

- Yes, it is a tragedy.

But it could be worse.

Sure, you might be a $40-million pauper.

Poor Mosley has two million shares.

At least I'm not alone in my grief.

Nicoleff has a brilliant idea.

You say that your dividends

have been reduced one-third?

Yes.

Beautiful and simple.

You reduce your guarantee one-third.

You guarantee two-thirds of the show...

and I will convince Mosley Thorpe

to guarantee the other third...

making three-thirds!

What a brain!

What a mathematics!

But, gentlemen, I can't afford it.

But think, madam, it is for charity.

Sure. And listen,

anything you spend for the show...

you can take out of your income taxes.

Why, yes. Yes, I can, can't I?

Well, all right then.

Then the next step is to interview

Mosley Thorpe.

As we say in the theater,

the show must go on.

Right.

No. You stay here. Talk to her.

Talk to her about the income tax.

Don't let her change her mind.

Mrs. Prentiss, you see,

if you take out from your exemptions...

twice as much

as you put into your income taxes...

and then subtract a different...

You take...

What's the matter?

She's humming again!

If I'm not greatly mistaken,

the use of snuff will be generally revived.

- You get that?

- Yes.

Speaking of being generally revived,

how about time out for a little snifter?

I never indulge in alcohol. No.

A nice cold bottle of champagne

isn't really alcohol.

What was it? The 17th or 18th century?

- Where were we?

- Just where we started.

Now, about the future of snuff.

Is there any future in snuff. Question mark.

Oh dear, I don't feel very good.

My throat's getting dry.

Well, go to the window

and take a deep draft of fresh air.

My poor old mother

used to get these dizzy spells.

Nothing would help her

but a glass of champagne.

- Can I get you a glass of water?

- I don't need a chaser.

I need a drink!

Don't come in just yet!

You are Mr. Mosley Thorpe?

Yeah.

Your secret is my secret.

My lips are sealed.

- Why, I tell you, it's all a mistake.

- Certainly.

- We are no longer schoolboys.

- No.

Now is an excellent time

to discuss a little business.

You can guarantee two-thirds of

the expenses of the annual charity show.

But I have no interest in shows.

My life is devoted to snuff.

And beautiful women.

The lady fainted. I couldn't let her fall.

- She fainted...

- Why, certainly.

We are both men of the world.

I can put you down for two-thirds?

Otherwise, we are both talking

about the same thing.

Well, I guess you've got me.

- Well, the bargain is sealed, my friend?

- Yeah.

My brain is befuddled with all this.

- I'm going out for a walk.

- Certainly.

Wait a minute. Where's my cut?

What cut?

Listen, baby, you wouldn't have got

to first base without my phony faint.

This is an honest business transaction.

- I don't know what you are talking about.

- Come on, come on. Give!

Not one cent will I give you.

Say, did he agree to put up

one-third of the money?

Because, listen, if he did, Mrs. Prentiss is...

positively in the bag

for the other two-thirds.

How do you like that? The old lady's

in for two-thirds and so is Mosley.

Idiot, you talk too much with your mouth.

Two-thirds and two-thirds

is four-thirds in any country.

Well, that's the way I figure it.

And, personally, I wouldn't play ball

unless I get one-half of the fourth third.

You see that I get 19% of what you

get for the costumes and scenery.

That's all you got to worry about.

- The extra third was my idea.

- I get one-third of that extra third...

or I go right to Mrs. Prentiss and spill.

Now, that's right. That's fair enough.

Give her one-third

of the fourth third that I get half of...

and then split the rest with me. It's easy.

- You don't have to even figure it.

- Thieves! Bandits! Cutthroats!

I'll show you who's a cutthroat,

you swindler!

You cannot insult Nicoleff!

The split goes three ways

and don't you forget it!

- I get one-third...

- You insult Nicoleff!

I'll show you who's a swindler,

you cutthroat!

I don't care for you!

I don't care who you go to!

Operator. Operator!

There's some lunatics screaming

in the room just below mine.

Tell the manager they must stop

at once or I shall leave the hotel.

You both ought to be in jail!

I got to get one-half of all the thirds

she's got coming to her!

You are a thief!

Listen, if you don't pay me right now,

I'm going to see Mrs. Prentiss.

Wait, wait. I make a fair offer.

A fair offer from you is an impossible.

To prove that I am not greedy...

she will receive 10% of the fourth third.

I'm seeing Mrs. Prentiss!

Now, listen to rosin. Reason.

Don't be in such a hurry about it.

I believe in live and let live. We make it 15.

Ja, and remember...

one-half of that comes out

of your half of the fourth third.

It's cut three ways or no dice.

- Whatever it is, I get my cut.

- Hello, Mr. Lamson. How do you feel?

I feel like making some money.

Now, we got to have a fifth third.

Who is this?

I'm the fellow that gets 25% of anything

anybody gets around here.

Another robber. The house is full of them.

And besides,

one-half of all he makes over $2,500.

That's your hard luck

because I get one-third of a third.

Well, that only leaves me

one-half of a third.

- And I get one-fourth of one-third.

- Say, wait a minute.

If we split it up any more,

we got nothing but splinters.

Vampires! You are draining

the blood from my heart!

Your heart? Your heart?

Pardon me. Wrong room.

I'll show you!

Will you stop that noise?

All I ask is...

It's been a grand evening, Dick.

Thanks so much.

- Gee, Ann, l...

- What?

Well, I certainly like my job.

I like it, too.

- See you tomorrow?

- Bright and early.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Ta-ta, sweetheart.

I'm so happy, I feel like a bird.

Flutter, flutter.

Okay. I'll see if I can find you some worms.

Good night, Humbie!

Good night, my dear.

I'm a bird. I'm a bird.

I'm so happy, I am a little bird.

I'm a little bird.

$80,000 at 4.5%. $80,000...

Mother, I'm in love again.

That's the last straw!

You bad, wicked, naughty boy.

Shame on you! Shame on you!

Mother, what's the matter?

It's Humbolt, he's driving me crazy!

He's in love again!

- Mother, control yourself.

- I can't control myself.

This is going to cost me another $100,000.

Me for bed. See you in the morning.

- I'm going to phone my...

- Mother!

Why, hello, Mother.

- Arline, I've broken the news to Mother.

- What did she say?

She started throwing things at me.

That's alright. She always does.

It's a very good sign for us.

In other words, she didn't really

disapprove or she'd have shot you.

Let's not talk about Mother.

Let's discuss us.

- For instance?

- Well, our marriage, our honeymoon...

our first moments alone.

I've never been so in love in all my life.

Arline! Arline!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

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