Good Boy! Page #2

tell me stories.

We've all heard them.

My great-grandfather told me

he had to pass through Uranus

to get here.

You expect me to believe

that there's a planet out there

made up of only dogs?

We don't expect much

from your species.

Now go outside and play

so we can do our business.

Go play, boy.

I don't have to go outside.

Pardon me, but you were saying

something about a mission?

Right. Thank you.

I have been sent here to file

a report on Earth dogs.

What, like a report card?

Yes. Now, sit!

I will observe your lives

and then grade you

on how you have upheld

the Sirius code

of dignity and dominance.

We're going to get graded?

Yes, and I'll be

submitting my report

directly to our most noble

pack leader...

the Greater Dane.

- What?

- The top dog?!

Canine-in-chief.

I need to pee-pee.

The Greater Dane

is upset by rumors

floating around

the galaxy recently

that Earth dogs may have

strayed from their original mission

and lost control

of this planet.

There's even one crazy rumor

we've heard

that claims humans

keep dogs as pets.

Oh, my!

That is crazy. Isn't that crazy?

Super crazy.

Who would say

a crazy thing like that?

Hold on!

You don't honestly think

that dogs are in charge...

Can we get some air?

I feel a little woozy.

See this?

I bought it.

I clip it on you

because you are my dog.

I own you.

Pay no attention

to the dude in the red suit.

The idea of dogs being in charge

is so... far-fetched.

Fetch?!

I teach you

and I tell you

what you can

and can't do. Understand?

Dude, I'm wide open!

Throw the ball.

Throw the Frisbee.

Throw the stick.

Throw something, player!

Yeah, I know what you think,

but that's not the way it works here.

Baker!

- Who are you talkin' to?

- Yeah.

- Just the dogs.

- You're talkin' like they're people.

You've got to...

to train them.

Let's just go.

Connie, I wouldn't let my dog

hang out with that mental case.

What a mental.

That's it!

You guys are makin' me look nuts.

All this stupid Dog Star talk,

the Greater Dane.

I want proof.

Show me proof.

Works for me.

- You know how to drive?

- He knows how to crash.

I'm an excellent pilot.

There happened to be some radical

wind currents the other night.

Hold on.

What's this thing?

Be careful.

That's my woofer.

A communicator.

It got slightly damaged

in the landing.

- Slightly?!

- Hey, let's see you fly one.

This is what you

were using last night?

Yes, when it short-circuited

and you were caught in the current.

Don't remind me.

Now I'm talking to you,

but I can't contact Sirius.

I bet I could fix this.

You keep your paws

off my woofer, mister.

No, really.

I'm good with this kind of stuff.

I mean, let's face it.

I can't make it any worse.

Fine. That'll be your job.

As for the rest of you,

tomorrow I start grading.

I want to see all the ways

you've taken control

of people and the planet.

Absolutely.

- No problem!

- We'll show ya!

You guys are so busted.

See ya tomorrow!

Whoops.

If you don't know

what you're doing...

- Chill out, Hubble.

- My name is Canid 3942.

I'm not calling you

by some number.

I named you Hubble.

When did these human-dog

relationships start anyway?

Thousands of years ago.

Why on earth

would we do that?

Believe it or not, dogs here

are called "man's best friend."

Friend?

Dogs don't need friends.

Everybody needs friends.

Why?

I'm probably not

the best person to ask,

considering I don't have any.

Hey!

You two havin' a chat in here?

Yeah. Ha ha.

Here's a boy.

Whoa, careful!

Knock this over, we'll all

get pretty goofy in here.

Don't play around with this stuff.

Your mom and I will be finishing up

in the dining room tomorrow.

Then it's moving time again.

I think this house

is my favorite so far.

Me too.

- You okay?

- I'm okay.

Okey-dokey, then.

All right, buddy, sleep tight.

You, too, stubborn Hubble.

I think he understood me.

If one more person

wipes their hands on me...

Did you...

I drank out of that bowl.

All I'm asking

is for a little respect.

Why do you do that?

Because I need sleep.

Why do you

turn around like that?

Enough with the questions.

We've got a big day tomorrow.

Lights out.

Hubble?

Just one more.

How could dogs run

an entire planet all on their own?

I mean, no offense, but you guys

don't have that much intelligence.

Oh, really?

Who's been teaching who

all day long, Mr. Genius?

You may know

about where you live,

but I know a lot more

about where I live.

One thing I do know

is that dogs don't run things.

Wait until you see how we

got things runnin' down here.

We're gonna give you

a grand tour.

I'm not shaking

because I'm nervous.

I'm shaking

because I'm excited.

Excuse me.

I have to go first, please.

- Why?

- Because, honey,

you do not want to deal with me

until I've had my day at the beauty parlor.

You see, here on Earth,

we pick people to do the things

that matter most...

hair, nails, accessories.

We have our own

back scratchers.

I've got my own chauffeur.

I got my own personal shopper.

Charge it!

They make the sandwiches,

I eat them.

They warm up the seats,

and I lay on 'em.

They plant the trees,

I pee on 'em.

We get what we want.

- We do what we want.

- We go where we want.

It may look to you

like people are in charge,

but let's face it...

you don't see us

pickin' up their poop.

Okay, that last one got me.

Pretty cool, huh?

So, what do you think,

Mr. Space Dog?

You're all pets.

Lazy, greedy, spoiled rotten

good-for-nothings.

You've lost all dignity.

- Will this affect our report card?

- What do you think?

Now I have no choice.

I have to flunk you.

- Flunk us?

- Flunk them?

We can't flunk.

That'd be very bad.

Pardon me, Mr. Hubble.

We've been away

from the Home Star so long.

Maybe if you helped us

refresh our memory a little?

Yes!

Be our teacher, Hubble.

Not my job.

I make my report, and I go.

- Go?

- He's leaving?

What do you mean, go?

Mission Command will send

a retriever for me eventually.

Then we still have

some time to improve.

Please help us, Hubble.

We don't want to flunk.

We want to be more like you.

Absolutely!

Intelligent, dignified.

Who are we kidding?

We could only dream of being

as dignified as Hubble.

I don't know about that.

I may be an old dog,

but I like to learn new tricks.

Oh, please!

Please, please, please,

pretty please.

Come on. Please.

I usually don't approve

of begging,

but I could teach them

a thing or two.

Hubble's our teacher!

But no funny business.

Understand?

Tomorrow, you start

getting serious.

It's your class, Teach.

You're the dog.

I didn't realize I'd made

such an impression on them.

They really seem

to look up to me.

That's the thing

about Earth dogs.

If they like you,

they're not afraid to let you know.

Another fine example

of the intelligence of human beings?

Ta-da!

- Wow!

- I know. Finally, right?

I can't wait to get started

on the new place in Metro Village.

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