Good Night Good Morning Page #6

remember New Years Eve as this...

...night that I had

this wild conversation...

...with a random strange boy.

Seriously, aren't you

going to remember tonight

as this night when

you got a little high

and called a girl in

the middle of it

to talk about b*obs and

existence in one breath.

I mean what would

existence do without b*obs?

There we go again...

so then, how come

you didn't get any?

Love me.

I do.

Show me.

Okay. Not like this.

You're drunk.

God! What's wrong with this boy?

Do you think you

will ever love me?

I do.

No. That's not going to work.

How am I supposed to

love you if you don't do me?

Did she really say do me?

Let me rephrase that.

How am I supposed to

know where we are going...

...if you don't make love to me?

How am I supposed to make love

to you if you don't love me?

Ok. I'm convinced you are gay.

Oh Absolutely,

I'm with three guys on New

Year's Eve and I am feeling happy

and by the way that story

was completely fictitious.

Sex complicates relationships.

Well, after everything

you turned out okay.

Well, he wasn't the first guy

I slept with. That's different.

The first guy I slept with was

when I was nineteen years old...

...and that was a horrible breakup.

We were together for 5 years...

. and that's when I realized that...

...the most important

part of a relationship...

...is not how it

starts but how it ends.

How many boyfriends

have you had?

Okay, I know I sound

like a slut...

...but I've really only

had like two...

...serious relationships.

My first one was really cute.

It was in high school and

we were just holding hands...

...and pecking each other on

the cheek, really really cute.

I've just had one. I guess

my life is simpler than yours.

Hmm. And you have a full inbox.

Okay. I will do it

in my time okay.

Hey don't do it for

anybody else but yourself.

It's really just a matter of

time before you realise that...

...Iove is something that

human beings just

concocted to find security.

No. Love's not just about

providing security alone...

You know we talk about love

like it's the most natural thing

and the puritans would

jump up with the argument that

child loves its mother

before it even knows her

but that's not true

coz a child wouldn't have

love gushing out of its veins

if it saw its mother

on the streets one day

if it never knew her.

I mean love is always a choice...

...and love by another definition

is at best hypocritical.

I mean think about all the

cities that have been destroyed...

...all the lives that are ruined...

...all the shrinks that are paid...

...for something as

un-definable as this feeling...

...which is relative at best...

...and yet when you are in love

its supposed to be incomparable...

which throws out the

test of relativity too.

I mean I used to believe

in love and Santa Claus,

but you know you grow up.

Yes. No the great thing

about love is that it's...

...about the road trip it's

not about where you're headed.

It's as wonderful as a birthday...

...but you get to experience it

every single day of your life.

Its that warm feeling

in your heart...

...the knowledge that you

have something that can make...

...the worst possible day

turn into something awesome...

And what's Christmas

without Santa?

You know you should start

writing for Mills & Boons...

. give up your insurance

selling job.

Go ahead, sell it

to 16 year olds...

...con the world of the

product that doesn't exist.

Yeah, I know I sound like a

loser holding on to some girl...

...who didn't even want me

and probably didn't care...

...anything about

what I had for her.

Can I be completely

honest with you?

Yes

You know I think

it was sweet of her...

...to even try to

respect your feelings.

Most of us we just...

we just settle for love

wherever we get it...

. if we don't get it

from where we want...

like water you know when

you are thirsty or

a burger when you're hungry.

Do you really believe all

the things that you say?

Yeah. 200 per cent.

I mean you could convince

yourself of anything in a second.

You could decide that

you are going to be

a great actor or a singer.

Sign up for classes and

actually believe you are.

Exactly, and you can

just believe...

...you are going to

start falling in love.

And by the way,

I'm a great singer.

Oh boy! Is that a threat?

Okay. Let's see. Who do you like?

I can sing anything.

For the moment, Elvis.

Okay, I am now tuning

into my Elvis channel

Going way back to 1958...

Oh wait, wait...

I want Britney Spears

Hit me baby one more time...

- Pussycat dolls. Wait, wait

Shakira Shakira.

Actually, I found the

perfect song for the occasion.

Guys!

Oh my god... That was awful,?

But your energy saw you through.

Thank you! And you were also Ok.

You know I'm so glad I don't have

that endure that again in my life.

I don't think I could take it.

What are you talking about?

You are just scared...

...of my charm and sex appeal.

Did you say sex appeal?

- Yeah.

All right, that is the funniest

thing you have said all night.

You know I've been saving

myself for someone special.

I don't think you even know how.

I do. I've been

practicing on walls

and trees since I was 13... Okay,

no, no. Kidding,

kidding, kidding.

I don't know if you

are kidding but...

...the surface of walls and trees

is very different from women.

I mean I could tell you more

at the risk of endangering...

...your retail store mannequins.

Well, please enlighten me.

Okay,

The world out there

it's round not flat

and there is dangerous

curves ahead.

Mmmmm! Yummy!

Down boy!

I'm sorry, go on.

Ok, so then imagine

this was our first date.

How intimate would you get?

We stop in front of

my house. What next?

Would you ask me to come in?

Hmmm! Maybe.

And only because the

conversation was interesting.

Damn! If I was there, I

would've got to first base.

I would've gotten you to first

base just to get done with it.

Purely as charity. High

time you got there, man.

May your tribe increase.

Especially since I'm ready now.

You are?

- I think I am.

Okay, kiss me.

Yes and close your eyes.

Whatever!

It's dark out there anyway.

Kiss her, man. Kiss her.

B*obs.

Ask your friends to

look outside the window.

They are all asleep except

for HUSSAIN who I hope is not.

So you ready?

Music!

You realise you suck

at this right?

You got to seize the moment, not

wait to arrange background score.

It's my first time in

a long time.

Ok. You there? Hello!

Did you hang up one me?

Shut up and kiss you ass!

Hey! But you made the jump.

Yes. You know I feel

stupid kissing a phone.

I am sure the guys are very

happy you stopped with the phone.

Is this just a phone thing

or would you have actually

kissed me if I saw you tonight?

I would have kissed you.

My good deed for the day.

You would really kiss

a guy like me?

What's wrong with

a guy like you?

I probably would've

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