Good Will Hunting Page #23

WILL:

Yeah, Morgan. It's a real rarity

that we'd be out drinkin'.

BILLY:

I've been sh*t faced for like two

weeks.

MORGAN:

Oh great, tell her that! Now she

really thinks we're problem drinkers!

CHUCKIE:

Two weeks? That's nothin'. My Uncle

Marty? Will knows him. That guy

f***in' drinks like you've never

seen! One night he was drivin' back

to his house on I-93 -- Statie pulls

him over.

ALL:

Oh sh*t.

CHUCKIE:

Guy's tryin' to walk the line -- but

he can't even f***in' stand up, and

so my uncle's gonna spend a night in

jail. Just then there's this f***in'

BOOM like fifty yards down the road.

Some guy's car hit a tree.

MORGAN:

Some other guy?

CHUCKIE:

Yeah, he was probably drunker than

my Uncle, who f***in' knows? So the

cop goes "Stay here" And he goes

runnin' down the highway to deal

with the other crash. So, my Uncle

Marty's standin' on the side of the

road for a little while, and he's so

f***in' lit, that he forgets what

he's waitin' for. So he goes, "F***

it." He gets in his car and drives

home.

MORGAN:

Holy sh*t.

CHUCKIE:

So in the morning, there's a knock

on the door it's the Statie. So my

Uncle's like, "Is there a problem?"

And the Statie's like "I pulled you

over and you took off." And my

Uncle's like "I never seen you before

in my life, I been home all night

with my kids." And Statie's like

"Let me get in your garage!" So he's

like "All right, fine." He takes

around the garage and opens the door --

and the Statie's cruiser is in my

Uncle's garage.

ALL:

No way! You're kiddin'!

CHUCKIE:

No, he was so hammered that he drove

the police cruiser home. F***in'

lights and everything!

MORGAN:

Did your Uncle get arrested?

CHUCKIE:

The f***in' Trooper was so embarrassed

he didn't do anything. The f***in'

guy had been drivin' around in my

Uncle's car all night lookin' for

the house.

Everyone is laughing. Skylar speaks above the din.

SKYLAR:

There was this Irish guy, walking

down the beach one day.

She has everyone's attention. Will is nervous.

SKYLAR:

And he comes across a bottle, and

this Genie pops out. The genie turns

to the Irishman and says -- "You've

released me from my prison, so I'll

grant you three wishes." The Irish

guy thinks for a minute and says

"What I really want is a pint of

Guiness that never empties." And --

POOF! A bottle appears. He slams it

down, and -- lo and behold -- it

fills back up again.

C/U of Will. Hoping the joke pans out.

SKYLAR:

Well, the Irish guy can't believe

it. He drinks it again, and again --

BOOM! It fills back up. So, while

the Irish guy is marveling at his

good fortune, The Genie is getting

impatient, because it's hot and he

wants to get on with his freedom. He

says "Let's go, you have two more

wishes." The Irish guy slams his

drink again, it fills back up, he's

still amazed. The Genie can't take

it anymore. He says "Buddy, I'm

boiling out here. What are your other

two wishes?"

(beat)

The Irish guy looks at his drink,

looks at the Genie and says... "I

guess I'll have two more of these."

The gang erupts with laughter.

CHUCKIE:

It's a good thing no one's Irish

here.

MORGAN:

I'm Irish.

Chuckie, Will look at Morgan, baffled.

EXT. L STREET BAR & GRILLE -- LATER

Everyone is walking out, saying good-bye. Chuckie goes over

to Will and Skylar.

CHUCKIE:

I'm glad you came by, changed my

opinion of Harvard people.

SKYLAR:

See ya' Chuckie. I had fun.

Chuckie heads towards Will to say goodnight.

WILL:

I don't know what the f*** you're

doin'. You're givin' us a ride.

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