Goodbye Lover Page #4

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He runs off and marries Barbie doll

and he's f***ing you 3 weeks ago.

The plan was to get rid of Ben,

not sleep with him every 3 minutes!

You told me you'd never mention that.

I did that for you.

I did that for us.

Maybe I'm not getting through to you.

Ben died without a will.

His estate has to go through probate.

It's a state process.

I can't control it.

You killed him for nothing.

We killed him.

We did it together.

You know what I mean.

So what are we going to do?

She's his wife...

even if it is for only three days.

I'll be lucky to get...

f***ing golf clubs out of her.

There's got to be

some way around this.

We' re entitled to that money.

We' re entitled to it.

We did the work, took the chances

and she gets the money.

It's immoral.

She just waltzes in,

and now Ben's life has no meaning.

That money is ours.

We can't let this happen.

And we won't.

We've already done it once before.

I mean, the cow's out of the barn.

You think?

We'd have to be really good.

Better than good.

We'd have to think

of an airtight alibi this time.

We got to do something.

We've planned too much.

$4 million, tax-free.

Ours for the taking.

We just got to do it, honey.

Sweetie, why don't you go wash

your hands? The souffl's ready.

Ben was a good man.

He was a spiritual man.

But he was not a man...

people easily understood.

You see...

I know he had a secret love.

A love of humanity.

He wanted to touch everyone he met.

And who here has not

been touched by Ben...

in some special way?

He had the soul of a poet.

He made all of our lives...

a little richer.

And though God has silenced...

his ineffable organ...

his music...

plays on.

Let us pray.

Dear! Not a good idea!

That b*tch'll get hers.

Girl's got a good right hook.

I hate funerals.

They' re an undeniable reminder

of man's mortality.

Are you gay?

No, I'm not gay.

Just curious.

- Why would you think I'm gay?

- No reason.

- Then why did you ask?

- Let's get lunch. You hungry?

Why would you think I'm gay?

What are you in the mood for?

Tacos?

Burgers?

Quiche?

- Hello, Luther.

- Afternoon, Jake.

You and I need to have a talk.

About what?

We need to ponder your

future with the firm.

I realize things

have been difficult...

but now that Ben's passed on,

I'm really recommitted to the firm.

The Dalai Lama once told me...

"The perfect way is only difficult

for those who pick and choose."

Peace, Luther.

Naughty reform school boy.

F*** me like a little Republican.

- What's the matter, honey?

- I'm thinking about Peggy.

No, don't.

Bradley's going to fire me

as soon as he can.

All I want to do is give you...

the life you deserve.

We'll take care of her.

I know. But the waiting's

driving me crazy.

I know. I know, honey.

I'm working on it.

Yeah, that helps.

Just be patient.

That's the 95%%% of life I hate,

is waiting.

What's the other five percent?

I'll have to tell you in a minute.

- Big drinker?

- Let's just say nonstop.

Nonstop, huh?

He could drink for a month

in one night.

What about him?

Him?

Black coffee, occasional Diet Pepsi.

They were brothers, right?

- What makes you ask that?

- They look alike.

And he was always

nagging Jake about his drinking.

I mean, he was a nice guy.

He was sincere.

It's a shame about what happened.

Maybe if you'd cut him off,

this never would have happened.

Alcohol pollutes the soul

of society and destroys lives.

Don't you think about that?

Doesn't that eat at your conscience?

Thanks for your help.

What the hell's wrong with you?

I'm just tired of people shirking

responsibility for their actions.

The world is sh*t, people are bad,

we all die. Deal with it.

How do you wake up every day

being so doggone cynical?

Because, Rollins,

somebody killed Bambi's mom.

Be back for happy hour.

Poor kid.

Out on a jog, and wham!

It's over.

At least she died healthy.

Now this makes me sick. Two million

bucks for some spilled coffee.

Woman gets two million dollars for

spilling hot coffee on herself.

I do that every day, what do I get?

Coffee stains.

Face it. You'll have to wait for your

pension just like the rest of us.

Easy for you to say. You'll be

lying on a beach in Hawaii next week.

Tahiti. I'll be lying

on a beach in Tahiti.

I told you that 1,000 times.

Men shouldn't wear spandex.

You are so nuts.

Great legs!

Thank you.

But I have a confession to make.

I quit using my ThighMaster.

Now I'm using ThighMaster Plus.

Introducing new ThighMaster Plus.

A tragic morning for another

woman in the Westside...

as the man known as "The Doctor"

kills his 4th victim in 3 months.

As in the other deaths...

the 28-year-old grad student

was found with a syringe...

containing residue of the

powerful drug curare in her neck.

Sandra, come on, let's go.

Just a minute.

I don't know why you bother with

this church sh*t, I got to say.

I like doing good things,

helping out.

Besides, there's so much

more to do now...

because of Ben's absence.

We killed Ben.

Yes.

There's no reason that

Reverend Finlayson should suffer.

I know what to do about

our little problem.

You do?

We make it look like...

a serial killing.

Jake, my boy!

Reverend.

How are you holding up?

It's been very hard.

But much better, thank you.

Sandra's been great.

Be sure to lock up when you're done.

Certainly.

I know I keep doing this...

but you've got a wonderful partner.

- Yes, sir.

- Listen to her.

I always do.

God bless!

Goddamn it!

Serial killing?

Don't you think that's

a bit of a stretch?

He's out there right now,

cruising for his next victim.

Who happens to be

Little Miss Peggy Blane.

Just think about it.

The Doctor's m.o. is very specific,

easy to duplicate.

How?

She's a creature of habit.

Believe me.

I know her schedule.

It really is the only way, Jake.

And nobody will ever suspect us.

You don't expect me to do it.

No.

I have somebody in mind.

I haven't seen him for years.

He is not an old boyfriend.

You silly goose!

What the hell do you want?

- We' re looking for Mike.

- Don't know any Mike.

Will sent us.

Will sent who?

Us.

Come on inside.

Hurry up.

So, Mike, what we want is for you

to copy The Doctor. Can you do that?

The Doctor is a hack.

An amateur.

You really want it done like that?

Yeah.

That's how it's got to be,

to the tee.

Do you have any qualms

about killing women?

No.

No qualms.

They die easier.

At least some of them do.

Will you do it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'll do it.

Your wife's been following me.

Of course she is.

She's trying to learn

your habits and routines.

Ready?

You got them lab reports

on Ben Dunmore?

We got those a week ago.

Yeah, I know.

I can't seem to find them.

Lesson number one

on being a detective.

Follow me, Barney Fife.

This is your locker.

It is not...

a medicine cabinet-

closet-refrigerator.

It is for important papers.

They stay here.

Once it enters the general

population, you're f***ed.

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