Gossip Page #2

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What do you know about her?

She's in my calc class.

Old money, expensive everything.

Does her math with a Mont Blanc pen.

She and Beau arrived in Daddy's limo.

You do hate the rich.

Well, I don't hate you.

- I buy you drinks.

- There you go.

I like rich people who are nice.

And Naomi Preston is a b*tch.

Yo, buddy!

Hey, Travis.

No exploring.

I saw her and her boyfriend

in the bedroom together.

I was in the bathroom.

I was just flossing and...

...they were in the room making out,

and she passes out and he splits.

So, how's this gossip?

We spread it around like they had sex

in the bedroom during the party.

You just said they didn't.

We have to make up the rumor,

or how will we know it's ours?

This is good. It's simple.

It's close to the truth.

It's got room to grow.

Hey, wait!

Hey, Trav?

Hold on one sec.

Screw my dad, anyway, you know?

What are they gonna say about him?

That he's a sane man?

Hey!

Give me a little help over here.

Just grab his feet. Push.

- You'll wake him up.

- Sh*t.

Dragging him on the subway

didn't wake him up.

Okay.

All right.

We should take his shoes off.

All right, all right.

What?

Don't even think about it.

You telling me it never

crossed your mind?

And you do everything

that crosses your mind?

Don't answer that.

Derrick, I'm not joking.

You're just as capable of

meaningless sex as I am.

Oh, and they say romance is dead.

It'd make our friendship stronger.

Is that right?

He's out.

He'll never know.

Am I alone in this?

I was right.

I felt absolutely nothing.

Well, I felt something!

If we start the rumor three times,

when it came back...

...we could trace it

and see whose moved the fastest.

Doesn't your head hurt?

Then I thought,

"This is not some stupid race. "

People will spread

it back and forth anyway.

None of the lines will match.

It's like chaos theory.

There's gonna be a lot of noise.

It's like rapid gunfire.

You really are not in

the least bit hung-over?

See, he's figured out a way

to make it art.

Travis, this is very good.

Now all we have to do

is tell the story.

- If we do this.

- What do you mean, "If we do this"?

Wait. Jones, this was your idea.

I know, but I don't have anything

against these people.

Aside from the Mont Blanc

and Daddy's limo.

All right.

So you don't like her,

but you don't want to be mean...

...because you're from Plymouth, where

the Pilgrims are from, and they wore...

- ...little buckles on their shoes.

- There were mean Pilgrims.

No, they were too busy

giving thanks.

Are we gonna do this or what?

Jones.

I guess we could stick with

the one already making the rounds.

Did you hear about Jones and Goodwin

at the Pierre?

Oh, so now it's the Pierre?

So?

Let's do it.

The party was cool, although

it took us forever to get home.

- This is yours.

- Thanks.

And we even left early,

before Naomi came down.

She and Beau were up in a bedroom

having sex during the party.

I mean, I thought the line

on her was, like, no sex.

Not that I judge that. A lot of girls

do this chastity thing now. Fine.

- I have to say I was surprised.

- Yeah.

Everybody heard after she got here

that she wasn't putting out.

Because she's beautiful, everyone was,

like... A lot of people think that.

I think her face is too long,

and her nose.... It's me.

I'm just saying,

I'm worried about Naomi.

She takes this position

that she wants to save herself...

...and then she does

something like this!

In the long run, people will

take her less seriously...

...as a human being.

Well, I heard...

I heard....

I respect women that

are not into casual sex...

...except at a party.

I heard, when he put

his hand in her crotch...

At first she resisted, but...

You know these things.

I heard about that. Like, six guys

and four girls getting it on. Wild.

Wait, that was in high school.

- Next thing you know...

- She's holding his crotch...

Her skirt...

- Is up over her...

- Ears.

I knew this girl in freshman year

who was always like, "No. "

Finally, when she's going,

"Yes," it turns out...

...she's wearing rubber underwear,

whips and chains.

- She goes down on him.

- Right there...

In the window.

She is hot!

- Hot.

- Is hot.

Is so hot.

They did it standing on the bed.

Blowj*b? Yes.

Intercourse? Definitely.

Rubber underwear?

Yes, I saw it in her laundry basket.

Black rubber bra. It was so cute,

like Victoria's Secret gone...

...crystal meth.

What?

She wears black rubber bras.

And apparently enjoys

multiple partners...

...on the fire escape.

See, it moves forwards

and backwards.

Jones started it. Then she heard it.

So you can trace that line back.

It goes back and forth like airwaves.

What will we do at the end of

the semester, hand in your room?

You think I'm a freak?

No. This is very original.

It's like....

You're original, Travis.

Listen...

...I know you, man.

Inside, you're like a piston.

It's impossible to explain

what makes it run.

All the sh*t that's in there.

But....

It's confusing, but Picasso, Van Gogh,

all those guys, they all had doubts.

That's what made them brilliant.

Man, I can't even pay my rent.

Sometimes I don't even know

what I'm doing.

Trying to get at the truth, man.

Jones. Come here, look at this.

Isn't this good?

...totally bombed, had sex

while the party was going on.

People were walking in and out,

watching! They got off on it.

Naomi's, like, no sex at all.

Huge point with her.

Well, I guess Beau's huger.

Or is it more huge?

Beau Edson. God, I'd do it!

Apparently, Naomi did. With Beau and

even a couple others. The story...

- I heard it from a couple places now.

- Listen...

...I don't know why people are

saying what they're saying.

Did you say that something happened?

Naomi, I don't need to lie about sex.

Well, then tell me. What happened?

- Beau, look at me.

- What?!

What do you want me to say?

You want to have sex, you don't

want to. Now you're asking what?

Why are you so angry?

Well, jeez, Naomi, I wonder.

That's not an answer, Beau.

Naomi!

The first time I heard it, it was...

...some sort of orgy, but that

was obviously an exaggeration.

What...

...really happened was she passed

out drunk and they had sex anyway.

Is this what they're saying?

See, that's the best part.

It keeps changing.

Four different people already said it.

Four different people told you

that she passed out and that....

And then he had sex with her anyway.

That's the new story.

Travis, did anyone use

the word "rape"?

You said you were passed out.

I was.

Isn't it possible that

he went ahead anyway?

Well, I would know, wouldn't I?

If that happened, wouldn't I know?

You said you were drinking.

I saw him come down.

His friends were there.

They asked him if he got laid

and he was bragging to them.

I'm not sure why you're upset?

This is an ugly turn, Derrick.

You loved the three-way.

How's this worse?

Stop it!

I love it when you get "Pilgrimatic. "

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