Gray Matters

What are you doing? Come back.

- No.

- Come on. Turn around.

Hey, hey!

You're the best.

You're amazing.

What do you say?

Beers on me. Cold beers on me.

Let's go!

Wonderful.

Weren't they wonderful?

Come on.

Keep it going, Gray.

- Hey.

- Help!

- Okay.

- Help. Ohh.

- Don't rush over, okay?

- You pick up something for dinner?

- Yeah. Mmm.

- What do you got?

- Okay, I got us steak.

- Good.

- And chicken.

- Good.

- And fish.

- And fish.

- And tofu.

- Good.

- And tempeh.

- Oh, great. We got tempeh.

Then I got the regular essentials,

like asparagus and lettuce.

I got it.

I'm not home, okay?

Don't answer it, okay? Let's-

Hello? Hey, Carrie. Who?

Yeah, she's right here.

Hey, honey.

- Dinner? No. We just rented a DVD.

- Raging Bull.

- We go out. I hate when you say that.

- I hate it when she says that.

- Okay, uh, do you want a, uh, merlot or cabernet?

- Oh, here we go.

Do you want something fruity

or full-bodied and do-

Okay. Okay. What- Californian, French,

Argentinean, Chilean, Australian, Span-

- Still at it?

- Okay, you don't have to yell.

- Ohh!

- Oh, my God. That is amazing.

Oh, my God. Carrie.

Do you believe this?

Ta-da!

I would like to say something.

To Carrie and Dereck

and their lovely friends.

Oh, my goodness.

I don't know what it means,

but it sounded beautiful.

- It's a fake accent. He's from Poughkeepsie.

- God, he is adorable.

I could eat him alive.

Do you think he's single?

- I don't think he plays on your team.

- But he's overweight.

And poofs are rarely beefy. I wrote

a piece about that in a magazine once.

- Did you?

- Mm-hmm.

Carrie, do you have

the new Liza Minnelli CD?

- Mmm. Okay, and scratch my last comment. Cheers.

- Cheers.

How's that new campaign coming along?

Carrie tells me it's been brutal.

- Oh, uh, more for you, yeah?

- Yes.

- Red or white?

- I'll have red. Actually, I'll have white.

- Okay.

- You know, I'll have both.

- All right.

- Um, well, Julia Bartlett is not an easygoing client.

- She's the worst.

- If Carrie wasn't on the account, I'd pull my hair out.

Oh, honey.

- Doesn't mean you're getting

a promotion before me.

- Ooh, you sneaky little b*tch.

- So, um, what do you do?

I'm doing my, uh, surgical residency

at Mount Sinai Hospital...

with a specialty in, uh-

heart transplants.

- Oh, fabulous.

- Thanks.

And how long have

you two been together?

- Us two?

- Mm-hmm.

Thirty years.

- I'm sorry. Did I miss something?

- Well, you're kidding, right?

- No.

- Gray's my sister.

Oh, my God!

No! Ick! No, I'm-

I just- I thought that you

two were an item. Well, I just-

- What? These-These two?

- Well, yeah. You seem so-

So?

I don't know.

So together, I guess.

Hey, what'd I miss?

- Um, she thinks we're together.

- Like "together"together?

- Like screwing each other together.

- Ugh!

You're not the first one

to think that, Elaine.

- Let me tell you.

- What?

- They're very codependent.

- We are not!

- Come on. - You rarely spend

a minute apart. But if that's-

- We do too.

- All day at work, we never see each other.

How about that- Remember?

You want to know something? I've even seen

them share the same toothbrush.

- One time.

- Oh, ick.

- One time is- it's creepy. - L- Listen.

I think that your relationship is charming.

- Thank you.

- Have you ever French-kissed?

That's beautiful.

- We're gonna end up like the Delany sisters.

- Who?

You know, the sisters that were 103

and 105, and they never got married...

and they just did yoga and headstands

together every day.

That's what we should do.

Do headstands together.

Get the circulation flowing.

It'd be good for us.

- I'm serious. We need to venture out.

- To where? When?

I'm too busy to date,

and I'm not goin' to bars.

The girls there, all they do is they talk

about how fat they are. They're not fat.

They're not fat girls.

They're thin girls that think they're fat.

You know what I want? I want a girl who's

not afraid to eat a hot fudge sundae, okay...

and have no guilt attached,

that's what I want.

Can't you meet a cute intern

at the hospital?

Wrong. Can't do it. Too dangerous.

You can't have sexual tension

and cut an artery. It's awkward.

Okay, I'll look for a hot fudge sundae girl

for you, and you look for a guy for me...

- who is deep and sensitive and funny.

- Okay.

Someone who doesn't think Ginger Rogers

is one of the Spice Girls.

- Okay.

- Someone who wouldn't consider going to Florida traveling.

- All right.

- Someone who's not afraid of Ethiopian food.

Somebody who doesn't think

Truffaut's a kind of mushroom.

Someone who would call me

an hour after our first date and say...

"I am crazy about you, and I'm counting

the minutes until I could see you again. "

That's not gonna be easy, darlin'.

Ethiopian food, I-I like that.

Eatin' with your fingers, things.

It's quite festive.

Hey, Jimmy.

Happy birthday!

- Hi, Tommy.

- Hi.

Oh, sorry about that.

Hey, Jenny, I promise I'll write

my daytimes. I totally forgot.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

My Weight Watchers meeting went over,

and it was too good to leave.

Why do you still go to those meetings?

You have an awesome figure.

Oh, thanks.

Dereck thinks that I have flabby thighs.

He has nerve. He has a receding hairline.

Did you mention that to him?

- Did you tell him to go to receding hairline meetings?

- Yeah, I know. Right?

But trust me. The entertainment factor

alone is worth it. Today, it was so crazy.

There was this woman who was all mad at

her husband for not letting her have dessert.

So she breaks into

the Soho Chocolate Factory...

and tried to drown herself

in a vat of chocolate.

- No.

- Yes.

- Like Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka?

- Exactly.

It's like the cuckoo show.

Ooh, let's see

who's in Page Six today.

We need to focus. I have a B-Pro

presentation in three minutes...

with copy that's so pedestrian it sounds

like a crossing guard wrote it.

What happened to that cheerleading idea?

That was so good.

- It's so cool and kitsch. Kitsch is in.

- You think it was good?

I told Lana about it.

She said it was a big mistake.

- She says Julia Bartlett hates kitsch.

- Lana? Don't listen to Lana.

She's Mr. Phillips's secretary.

What does she know?

I do think she does a lot more

than just type for him.

- Give it up.

- Okay. You want to hear this? I heard some hot gossip.

- Yeah. - Lana-Wait, I feel

like somebody's listening-

Lana goes to Kemiko,

my pedicurist...

and told her, who then told

Mrs. Karaquesh, my dry cleaner...

- she and Mr. Phillips have been seeing each other for months.

- No!

I know it's accurate gossip

'cause Mrs. Karaquesh never gossips.

- Oh, my God!

- Ever.

- Hey, Lana!

- Hey!

Hey! What's up?

Do you want to have lunch with us today?

Oh, I'd love to, but Mr. Phillips asked me

to do some research for him, so-

Oh, really?

Oh, that's too bad.

- Maybe next week?

- Definitely.

- Okay.

- Bye.

Research my ass.

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