Great American Chase, The

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- Beep beep!

- No, you don't.

Be it pleasures and palaces

Though I may roam

Be it ever so humble

There's no place like home

Be it ever so humble

There's no place like home

How do you do?

Nice of you to drop by me humble abode.

My name is Bunny.

Bugs Bunny, Esq., to be exact.

One of the back bay bunnies,

back bay of Brooklyn, that is.

I have also been known

by other flattering names.

For instance, I'm called

"that rascally rabbit"...

by a certain E., Elmer Fudd...

who has spent many fruitless

and rather frustrating years chasing me.

I have also been know as...

"that ornery, carrot-eating varmint"...

by a certain Yosemite Sam,

who for some reason hates rabbits.

I can't imagine why.

What started all this chasing?

When was the very first chase?

In order to answer that question...

we'll have to swing back in time

a little bitty bit.

In the beginning,

all was peaceful and quiet.

Quite dark, too.

Once in a while, a star exploded...

but usually it was just a small one...

only a million miles or so in diameter.

Anyway, nobody complained,

which was odd...

until you realized that

there wasn't nobody around to complain.

So for about 15 or 20 billion years...

things went along

smoothly and pleasantly.

Until one day...

very deep in a sixth-rate galaxy

called the Milky Way...

circling around

a fourth-rate star called the Sun...

on a tenth-rate planet,

a strange creature appeared.

A strange creature called man.

I'll take it.

And so Neanderthal person

quickly invented the first chase...

and the first competition...

and the first love...

and the first women's lib.

And the first domesticity

and the first boredom.

And so Neanderthal persons,

in order to alleviate boredom...

invented the first graffiti.

What's on the wall tonight, dear?

Same old stuff.

Westerns, sitcoms, soaps.

And, so, the invention of boredom...

led to the invention of moving pictures.

But after about 25,000 years of this...

and having developed

severe cricks in their necks...

man and woman became bored again...

even with all those brilliant,

ultramodern, innovative ideas...

like the first motion-picture cameras.

I'm kind of tired of documentaries.

Frankly, I wouldn't mind

a few laughs myself.

And, so, it came to pass

that comedy was invented...

and comedy begat pratfalls...

and custard pies...

and double takes.

But most of all, comedy begat chases.

And chases begat chases and chases...

and chases and chases...

until the mind boggled us.

And then one day...

another strange and historic

creature appeared.

Me.

Okay, rabbit, now I've got you.

What's up, doc?

So you see, that's how chases began...

and that's how I came into the picture...

just a mild mannered forest creature...

shy, easily frightened.

A quiet-living rabbit am I.

And yet...

I guess in a way...

I am an unusual rabbit on account of...

Instead of having hundreds of children...

like your ordinary run-of-the-mill rabbit...

I had several fathers.

Fathers with odd names, like Tex Avery...

Friz Freleng, Chuck Jones...

and Bob McKimson.

The ones who directed

most of me pictures.

Fathers like Tedd Pierce...

Warren Foster...

and Mike Maltese,

who wrote most of me biography.

And, of course, a father named Mel Blanc...

who had thousands of voices...

and was nice enough

to give me one of them.

This show you're gonna see now...

is about what just one of those fathers

did with me and me cartoon associates.

An animation director...

who goes by the unlikely name

of Chuck Jones.

And old Chuck seemed determined...

to get poor little old me

into outer space, too.

Gad! What a night!

I'll never mix radish juice

and carrot juice again.

I hope the lake's warmed up a little

this morning.

10, 9, 8...

The hole seems long this morning.

...3, 2, 1, fire!

Holy cow! I thought

I'd never reach the top of this.

Who plugged up the hole?

Why, the sun ain't even out yet.

No wonder I'm so sleepy.

Yikes!

What was that?

Ask a silly question.

Something tells me

I should have stood in bed.

Where the heck am I, anyways?

Wherever it is, I don't like it...

and I'm getting out of here.

Maybe that character wearing a spittoon

can help me.

At last, after 2,000 years of work...

the Illudium

PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

Pardon me, sir, but could you...

At long last, my dream come true.

Hey, doc, wait!

I wanna ask you something.

Pardon me, doc, but could you

rent me a U-drive flying saucer?

I've got to get back to the Earth.

The Earth? The Earth

will be gone in just a few seconds.

Don't bother, then.

No point in wasting money

on a flying saucer...

when the Earth's not gonna...

Clang!

Pardon me again, doc,

but just what did you mean...

by that crack about the Earth being gone?

I'm going to blow it up.

It obstructs my view of Venus.

It does? That's a shame.

Where's the kaboom?

There was supposed to be

an earth-shattering kaboom.

The Illudium PU-36

Explosive Space Modulator!

That creature has stolen

the space modulator!

Delays, delays.

Capture that creature...

and return the Illudium PU-36

Explosive Space Modulator.

That's that.

Oh, dear.

Now, I shall have to create more Martians.

This Martian hot rod better get

at least a million miles to the gallon.

The Earth ain't just across the street.

Oh, goody!

My Illudium PU-36

Explosive Space Modulator.

Back to the old drawing board.

Boy, it's really wonderful

to be back in civilization.

Run for the hills, folks,

or you'll be up to your armpits in Martians.

As you can see, being a rabbit

is not just a bed of carrots.

But other people,

if you want to call a duck people...

had close encounters

with that little Martian, too.

As the ensuing, gripping...

and nerve-tingling drama

now demonstrates.

I have sent for you, Dodgers,

because we are facing a crisis.

The world's supply of Illudium Phosdex,

the shaving cream atom...

is alarmingly low.

Now, we have reason to believe...

that the only

remaining source is on Planet X.

Somewhere in this area.

And you want me

to find Planet X, is that it?

Can you do it, Dodgers?

Indubitably, sir.

Because there's no one knows his way

around outer space...

like Duck Dodgers...

in the 24th and a half century!

Are you ready, eager young space cadet?

I'm all set, your heroship, sir.

Then make way for Duck Dodgers...

in the 24th and a half century!

Oops!

Had the silly thing in reverse.

And now, then, eager young space cadet...

here is the course

we shall pursue to find Planet X.

Starting from where we are,

we go 33,600 turbo miles due up.

Then, west in an astro-arc deviation

to here.

Then, following the great circle,

seven radial loops south by down-east.

By astro-astroble to here, here, and here.

Then by space-navigable compass

to here, here...

and then to here and here...

by 13-point stratocumulus

bearing four million light-years...

and thus to our destination.

Now, do you know how to reach Planet X?

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