Greater Page #5

to do, make scout team All-American?

I was just going to the whistle,

like coach said.

Hey. You hurt a scholarship player,

and you are out of here.

You understand me?

I don't know why I keep letting

your fat, awkward ass stay here anyway,

but I'm about done, Burlsworth.

Some people were made to play

football and some weren't.

Why don't you just go home?

And quit wasting everybody's time.

What are you all staring at? Not one of

you have proven to be smarter than he is.

I can't believe this.

You know, what, gentlemen?

Hit the showers.

Just wasting time here today, anyway.

Brandon, hold up.

Hey, I was just trying

to do it right, coach.

- I... I didn't wanna let you down.

- Uh-huh.

Look, um, you realize

I'm just doing my job, right?

Yes, sir.

Look, I'm gonna...

gonna tell you a story.

There's these two brothers

they're walking along,

and they come upon this big pile of sh*t,

and the first brother, he dives right in.

He starts digging

with everything he's got.

And the second brother, well, he don't

want nothing to do with it.

You with me?

Yes, sir. Two brothers.

One pile, of, uh, manure,

and one brother doesn't want to dig.

Right. Manure.

And the, uh, second brother

says to the first one,

"What are you doing?

Why are you digging so hard?"

And the first brother says,

"With a pile of manure like this,

I figure there's gotta be

a horse under here somewhere."

Now, I don't know

if you belong here, or not,

and I won't know until you lose some

weight, and I mean a whole lot of weight.

Who knows,

maybe underneath all this manure

there just might be a horse

in there, somewhere.

I'll do whatever you say, coach.

You tell me to do it, and I'll do it.

Good.

So, after that gut's gone, we gotta

put all that weight back on,

except this time, it's gonna be muscle.

A whole lot of muscle,

that means a whole lot of work.

- You up for it?

- Yes, sir. All the way.

Come on, let's see where we're at.

Atta boy, son.

No more biscuits and gravy.

Hey! Hey! There you go.

You almost had it. Hey! Listen.

If I could teach my son how to walk,

I can teach you these steps.

You can do it.

- To the line. To the line.

- Let's go. Pick it up.

Come on, Burlsworth.

Come on, Brandon!

Come on!

Come on, come on, come on. Hey, if you

wanna be a Razorback, you gotta earn it.

You can do this, come on,

keep flying. Come on!

Come on, Brandon.

How bad do you want it?

Move them feet.

That's pretty good.

Come on, come on, let's go,

let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Finish, finish, finish!

Atta boy. Hey, watch it, big boy.

You're gonna hurt me now.

- He's looking pretty good, right?

- He is.

Dude, just walk on the grass.

Hit it, hit it!

You're a big boss, move that sled!

Way to move it, Brandon!

- Atta way, Burlsworth.

- He's good.

There is no tomorrow!

You let the turd beat you.

See what the scale says. Hop on up.

Yoo-hoo!

- We did it, coach.

- Yes.

- You're amazing.

- Yes, sir.

- Pull your pants up, Brandon.

- Oh, sorry.

They broke the mold after you,

Burlsworth, that's for sure.

Burlsworth!

Burlsworth, you're up.

Come on, son.

Man, if this dude ever played

in a real game,

I'm gonna be All-American.

Listen, you're not gonna beat 'em,

he's best we got,

and you just lost all that weight.

But, if you remember your steps,

he won't embarrass you.

Yes, sir.

All right then, let's line it up.

Set.

Okay, let's try that again.

Hey, Ward!

Hey Ward, you suck.

Come on, do it again, Brandon.

Do it again.

- Shut up!

- Ward got beat by a walk-on.

Come on, Brandon. Let's go.

Let's go, Brandon.

Set.

Ward, let's go. Kill him, kill him.

- Man, get off me.

- Whoo, let's go.

Get off me, man.

- Get off!

- Atta boy, Brandon!

What is wrong with you?

You just got your butt kicked

by a walk-on.

Coach, I've played against walk-ons.

That is no walk-on.

Hey, coach.

It's too bad we're passed our limit.

Limit for what?

Scholarships.

You suck, Ward.

Hey, bro, you wanna grab a bite?

- Uh, with you?

- Yeah with me, turd.

Come on, go get dressed. It's on me.

Yeah, okay.

Big.

- Wow.

- What's up, Brandon?

- What's up, man?

- Hey, Brandon.

- Hey, B.

- Um, this is Jan.

She's a Kappa.

Grant, can... can I speak to you please?

Me?

Yes, you.

Okay.-

- What's up?

- You didn't tell me this was a date.

It's not a date, okay?

We're just going to hang out.

What's the matter with you, anyway?

Don't you think she looks good?

Yeah.

She looks real good.

That's what I thought.

All right, let's get rolling, hoss.

Okay, keep it semi-real, Lucas.

What do you mean, semi-real.

Are you kidding me?

Anyway, boys, The 1994 season

is almost in the books.

So, what do you guys think?

Oh, just another banner year

for the Hogs, huh?

Why don't we toss a couple high school

teams in the schedule next year,

- build a conference?

- We'll beat them.

I don't know. Y'all... y'all guys would

just lose against them too so...

That's not... You gave him that.

He gave him that line.

- Okay...

- Keep trying-

Guys, have you heard

about these new strawberry shakes here?

- Heard they are killer.

- The best thing in the state.

I can't believe you didn't bring that up.

Brandon, you gotta try one.

I'm gonna pay for it. Everyone's good?

- Oh wait, hold on, hold on, Ward.

- No, I'm good.

- What's up?

- Uh, Jan, would you like one?

Oh, no thanks.

How could you not want one? I'm gonna

get it for you, okay? I'll be right back.

I need two strawberry daiquiris...

and double the alcohol, okay?

- Okay, cutie.

- All right.

Damn.

- Yes. My God, I wanna see that.

- I'll see that.

We can go see that,

we're gonna go see Dumb and...

Next time we go to the theaters,

it's Dumb and Dumber.

All right. We'll all go,

the group of us will go.

All right. Great!

Please, be awesome.

Are you guys seriously want to be

professional football players?

- Yes.

- If we knew how to catch.

I can catch fine.

I heard the average life span

of a football player is like 45.

- No way.

- Ls that true? Really, babe?

Relax, you ain't going anywhere.

I mean, when it's your time

to go, it's your time to go.

But there's a difference

between falling off a mountain

and jumping off it on purpose.

- Jan's a philosophy major.

- I see.

Holly, what was your major?

Oh, Holly's just here

for her "MRS degree."

- You know?

- Oh!

- I'm just saying.

- "MRS."

- That's not true. It's not.

- Keep her in line. No, no, no.

Where was that mountain you were talking

about? 'Cause I'm diving off.

- I'm only kidding. No.

- I'm sad.

- I'm just saying.

- Hey, speaking of that.

Bran, I never did ask you, man.

What's your major?

- He's studying business.

- Really?

- Yep.

- Well, but...

Another one for my friend, please.

I probably won't...

I probably won't be able

to finish that degree.

Or any other degree.

I had one year to make it work here.

I failed.

Well, you won't have to worry

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