Greedy Page #2

to competitors. Pass the butter, please.

That's a lie and I'll prove it in court!

- This Friday, right?

- We got a continuance.

The court dockets were too filled

with drunk-driving cases.

I skidded on a wet spot!

- Somebody get her a drink.

- A drink? Somebody get her a barrel.

Please everyone. Why must this happen

every time we get together?

Can't this man have peace?

Hasn't he earned it?

Delivering newspapers when he was four years old,

his little toes frozen because he didnt have any shoes.

- It's all right.

- No, its not alright. It's like we've lost our sense of values.

Maybe it's not mine to say, but

Nora and I... Come up here, sweetie...

and Joseph and Jonas and little Josiah

on the way...we lead a simple life.

We have each other,

and I ask u what the heck else is there?

Joe-Joe, I'm just going to the market.

Oh!

Molly! Come here.

These are my nieces and nephews.

Everyone, this is Molly.

- Hi!

- Hi.

- Douglas said you wanted to see me?

- If you're going to the market we are out of Oreos?

We wouldn't be out of Oreos

if somebody hadn't eaten the insides

and tossed the rest away,

you naughty boy.

I'm old and rich.

I'll eat whatever parts I want.

- If I want to eat the goddamn box, I will eat the goddamn box.

- Who wound you up today?

- Better give me some money, then.

- Here.

Take an extra hundred.

You might see something you want.

You are such a dear.

- I'll see you later.

- Bye.

Toodles!

These are good melons. Yeah.

Sweet, juicy.

- Uncle Joe?

- Mm?

- Who...?

- Mm?

- Who...?

- Oh, that's Molly. She's living here.

Housekeeper? Secretary?

Well, not exactly. She's sort of...my nurse.

- Nurse?

- Yeah. I decided I wanted a nurse.

Someone to ease my suffering.

An agency sent her?

No, she delivered a pizza one night

and we got to talking.

Turns out she'd like to be a nurse, so...

Yeah, she helps out in various ways.

She's become very special to me.

[cheering]

Yeah!

[inaudible]

Good...

See u later.

Thank you, Fred.

Hello, everyone. I'm Chris Schenkel.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

On behalf of the Pro Bowlers Tour,

we'd like to thank all the good people

of Milwaukee for their support.

The top five qualifiers tomorrow

will begin play at 2.30.

Sh*t.

[female] You do this every time!

You ruin every vacation we have evr been on.

- [male] Shut up!

- [female] It's always the same ''Let's drive a little further.''

[female] Then there's no place to stay

and we wind up in a shithole like this!

This is...this is unbelievable.

Everywhere I stay, I'm next to this couple.

[crockery smashes]

Not literally them,

but people just like them.

- It's like a franchise.

- [male] You made my life a living hell!

- [female] Kiss my ass!

- [male] That would take all night!

[door slams]

Oh, God.

You know, this is really stupid.

ABC gives me a suite at the Marriott

and we're at the Bates Motel.

Let's get out of here.

Honey, you know

I get embarrassed at your hotel.

Everyone always says, ''How's a schlep

like McTeague afford a room at the Marriott?''

''Oh dont you know he sleeps with Robin Hunter,

the producer of the telecast.''

''Really? He must screw better

than he bowls.''

I do, don't I?

I can't take it, Robin. I can't do it any more.

What?

- I'm giving up bowling.

- Why?

My wrist. It's a pre-arthritic condition

and it's not going to get better.

- You saw a doctor?

- No, Al the janitor at the bowling alley examined it.

He seemed to know what he was talking about

and took me right away.

Of course I saw a doctor!

I don't know. Cincinnati's

the last tournament of the season.

I'm just going to bowl there and...that's it.

Sweetheart.

I'm sorry.

I just wish for once

I could've finished in the top five,

gotten on the national telecast just once.

That would have been nice.

- What are you going to do?

- Well...

some guys offered to make me a partner

in this new bowling centre.

They offered me 25% interest

for a 10% investment, 'cause I'd run it.

It's a good deal.

- It's great.

- Only I don't have the cash.

- They want 300,000.

- Phew!

So then I thought

maybe I'd be happy teaching.

Yeah?

Only, then you'd always

make more money than me.

Who cares about crap like that?

If you're happy being a teacher,

then that makes me happy.

That's it. That's all there is.

Her name is Molly Richardson.

She's 24 years old. She's English.

She came over here two years ago

as a nanny for a couple named Holcomb.

When Mrs Holcomb eventually fired her,

Mr Holcomb attempted to kill himself.

Oh God.

She bounced from job to job:

bikini model, physical therapist...

- We're dead.

- ..until she started delivering pizzas.

It pays to have skills.

She moved in with Joe about three weeks

ago and she's been there ever since.

As a nurse?

She seems to spend

most of her time swimming.

- In the nude. Here are some pictures.

- What?

- Whoa.

- Oh, my God.

- Are they having sex?

- Grow up. What do you think?

She's going to get everything.

That's the way these old guys are.

Tough as nail biggest son of a b*tch in the world:

she touches his shrivel old noodle

and his brains turn to frozen yoghurt.

You would know.

She'll marry him, screw him six feet

into the ground and get everything.

That's our money, damn it and no English whore b*tches

is gonna screw us out of it.

Are they sleeping together?

Is there proof?

- I need more time.

- They're humping too quick to get pictures?

- Let's get a better detective.

- How do we know you're any good?

She wass good enough to find out you were fired

and that Glen left Muriel.

Listen. My guy knew about Tina's accident

while the car was still spinning.

Yeah? Look at these pictures she got

of Glen and that gym instructor.

Yeah.

That's not me.

It looks like you

and that's all that matters.

- Use your gun!

- Glen, cut it out! Come here. Stop it.

Stop it!

Don't you see what's happening here?

Yeah, you're out of Scotch.

Oh, Tina, go lie down.

We caused this. All the backbiting

and the greed and the detectives.

We've made each other look filthy.

Now it's come home to roost.

Not one of us has the credibility

to convince Uncle Joe that this girl

is just after his money.

It's not our fault! It's his.

Sweet old Uncle Joe.

We were all decent people

till he got his hooks into us.

Except for Frank.

Frank was always a son of a b*tch.

It's true. Uncle Joe does this to us.

He pulls our strings and makes us dance.

He's the devil.

Every time you draw a line in the dirt

and say, ''No farther,''

he draws one an inch farther

and you say, ''Why not?''

''I've come this far already.''

Then you look back

and can't even see where you started.

Why don't we all stop here?

Let this bimbo have his money.

Isn't our self-respect

worth more than any inheritance?

No.

Ed, we're just people. Nobody could

walk away from that much money.

Daniel did.

Who's Daniel?

- Our cousin.

- What happened to him?

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