Green Pastures Page #5

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Get back, you hogs, back in the "H's"...

behind the giraffes.

- Dad, a couple of weasels got loose!

- Fill them up any which way!

I got the bees, Pappy!

Okay, Lawd! We's all aboard!

Here's the little dove

back with the greenery in his mouth.

Now, you fly in there and tell the others.

Thank you, Lawd.

Thank you very kindly. Amen.

- You're welcome, Noah.

- Lawd, it's wonderful.

I sort of like it.

I likes the way you handled the ship, too.

- Was you watching me, Lawd?

- Every minute.

- What's the orders now?

- Is all the animals safe?

They's fine and dandy.

Then open the starboard door

and leave them out.

Have the family to take all the seeds

and sprouts and begin planting.

- I'm starting all over, Noah.

- Right away, Lawd.

- Gabriel, can you spare a minute?

- Yes, sir, Lawd.

Well, it's did.

So I see.

- Don't seem to set you up much.

- Well, Lawd, ain't none of my business.

Course it ain't. It's my business.

'Twas my idea.

Every bit of it is my business

and nobody else's.

You know this thing is turned into

quite a proposition.

I only hope it's gonna work out all right.

- And did it work out?

- No, it didn't.

The minute De Lawd turned his back,

there they was, bad as ever.

What did the poor Lawd do then?

He let them go on for a spell.

Then, one day

he looked down from Heaven...

and what he see, he don't like at all.

That's the 46th thunderbolt

since breakfast.

De Lawd must be mad for sure

this morning.

- I wonder where at he's pitching them.

- Every one of them is bound for the Earth.

Do you mean

that little old draining place?

Carrie, don't you know

that the Earth is the new scandal?

Everybody's talking about it.

De Lawd is mad as can be

at that measly little planet.

- Or I should say the scum that's on it.

- That's mankind down there.

They must be scum, too,

to get De Lawd so worked up.

He's certainly letting them feel the wrath.

Ain't it a shame

to plague De Lawd that way?

They've been begging

for what they're getting.

My brother flew down

to bring up a saint the other day...

and he say, from what he can see...

most of the population down there's done

made the devil their king...

and they're working in three shifts for him.

Them human beings will

make anybody boil over.

Why won't De Lawd let us ladies

fix up his office nice?

Wouldn't take a minute

to make this desk gold-plated.

I guess he keeps this private office

just plain and simple on purpose.

Everything else in Heaven

is so fine and grand.

Maybe every now and then

he just gets sick and tired of the glory.

Good morning, daughters.

Good morning, Lawd. We's all finished.

Good morning, Gabriel.

Good morning, sisters.

What's the total?

18,960 for the morning...

and that's including the village

with the fortune tellers.

They certainly can breed fast.

They displeases me greatly.

Look at them there.

Squirming and fighting

and bearing false witness.

- Why did I ever make them?

- Should I get some more thunderbolts?

No. They don't do no good.

It's gotta be something else.

How would it be

if you was to doom them all again...

like that time you sent down the flood?

- I bet that would make them mind.

- You know how much good the flood did.

How about cleaning up

the whole mess of them...

and starting all over again

with some new kind of animal?

- And admit that I'm licked?

- No, of course not, Lawd.

It ain't right for me to give up

trying to do something with them.

Doggone, mankind must be all right

at the core...

or else why did I bother

with them in the first place?

It's just that I hate to see you

worrying about it, Lawd.

Gabe, there ain't nothing worthwhile

nowhere...

that didn't cause somebody some worry.

I ain't never told you the trouble I had

getting things started up here.

Yes, sir,

the more I keeps on being De Lawd...

the more I know I got to keep

improving things.

The main trouble is mankind takes up

so much of my time.

He ought to be able to help hisself a little.

- Hey there, I think I got it.

- What's the news?

Gabriel, did you notice that

every now and then mankind...

turns out some pretty good specimens?

They wouldn't come flying up here

if they hadn't been.

Yes, sir, doggone it,

the good man is the man that keeps busy.

I really put the first one down there

to take care of that garden.

Then I let him go ahead and do nothing

but get into mischief.

That's it. He ain't built just to fool around

and not do nothing.

Gabriel, I'm gonna try a new scheme.

- Round up Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

- We get them, Lawd.

- What's the scheme, Lawd?

- I'll tell you later.

You go and tell them to put them

thunderbolts back in the boxes.

- I ain't gonna use them again for a while.

- Okay, Lawd.

Wait a minute.

Was you going by the big pit?

I could go.

Lean over the brink

and tell old Satan he's just a plain fool...

if he thinks he can beat anybody

as big as me.

Yes, sir, Lawd.

Then I'll spit right in his eye.

That new polish on the sun

makes it powerful hot.

Let it be just a little bit cooler.

That's nice.

Come in.

Sorry we's so long coming, Lawd.

But Pappy and me had to take the boy

over to get him a can of wing ointment.

What was the matter, son?

They were chafing me a little.

They're fine now, thank you, Lawd.

That's good.

Now you boys just sit down

and make yourselves comfortable.

Thank you, Lawd.

You is about the three best boys

of the same family...

that's come up here

since I made little apples.

And I've decided to turn over

to your descendants...

the biggest and the best piece of property

in the whole world.

Now you boys knows what's down there.

Where do you think it is?

If you ask me, Lawd,

I don't think they come any better...

than the land of Canaan.

The land of Canaan.

Yes, that's a likely neighborhood.

Of course there's Philistines there now.

But we'll clean that up.

Now, who do you think is the best one of

your people to put in charge down there?

Does you want the brainiest

or the holiest, Lawd?

I want the holiest. I'll make him brainy.

Well, if you want

"A" number-one goodness, Lawd...

I don't know where you'll get

more satisfaction...

than in a

great-great-great-great-grandson of mine.

Where's he at?

I believe he's in the sheep business

down in Midian parish.

Over in Egypt, he killed a man that was

abusing our people in the brickworks.

You know, Old King Pharaoh

has got all our people in bondage.

I hear of it.

Who do you think put them there?

That's all right.

I'm gonna take them out of it.

I'm gonna turn over

the whole land of Canaan to you.

You know who's gonna lead them there?

Your great-great-great-great-grandson.

His name's Moses, ain't it?

Yes, Lawd.

I've been watching him.

And I knows he ain't a bad boy.

Quite a favor for the family, Lawd.

That's why I told you.

It so happens I loves your family...

and I delights to honor it.

- Good morning, gentlemen.

- Good morning, Lawd.

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