Greenberg Page #2

Well, to fight, too,

but l just meant now.

My brother and his wife

are there on vacation.

l don't know.

Some people like to travel.

That's my brother's

wife's daughter, Sara.

My step-sister?

Niece.

She's at UC Santa Cruz.

Uh, no, thanks, man.

l don't really

drink anymore.

Okay.

Yeah, it's for the best.

l've got into

these Arnold Palmers.

lced tea, lemonade.

Yeah, l don't have that.

l thought l'd told you.

l guess l think we

talk more than we do.

The beard is cool.

Yeah.

You know,

it's a winter beard.

l probably shouldn't

be on the table here.

Maybe don't sit

on the speaker.

Oh, sorry.

So, what do you

want to do today?

Um, Beller's having

a barbeque, which means,

you know. . .

Oh, what's he up to?

He directs television.

He calls me up with

computer questions.

What a dick.

He always offers to pay.

Yeah, still rude.

Let's not do that.

Uh. . .

What else, man?

We could get

a drink at a bar,

we could stay here.

They have videos.

Yeah.

l think l saw Mannequin.

And, uh, Gung Ho?

l remember that

being funny.

Gung Ho's good.

Yeah.

lt'd be interesting

to watch it now.

ln the day?

l meant now,

like, you know. . .

Oh, these days. Yeah.

Now,

as opposed to

when it was made.

Yeah, sorry.

l'm not sure

about these pants.

They look flarey to you?

No, l think

that's the style.

(SlGHS) l feel like

l should have

worn jeans.

No one's going

to be dressed up

at this thing.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Fabula and l are on

this trial separation.

Oh. Uh-huh.

lt's a lot to go into.

l feel terrible

for Victor, you know.

l'd love you to meet him.

He's like

a little person now.

Yeah, l saw him

a few years ago.

Yeah, but now he's eight.

He's like a friend.

He's fun to hang out with.

l'm glad you're here, man.

lt's good for me to

get out like this.

Want to put your blinker on?

IVAN:
Casa de Beller.

Keep going. Keep going.

Keep going.

What a f***ing nightmare.

Maybe we can park here.

No, no, no. Let's go home.

l shouldn't have let

you talk me into this.

lt's a nightmare here.

lt's this kind of sh*t. . .

l can't find a movie

l want to go to

in the f***ing multiplex,

or when l'm in Starbucks,

l hear music l actually like.

But we drove all

the way out here.

Let's have one drink.

(ROGER SlGHS)

(POP MUSlC PLAYlNG)

ls this a f***ing

children's party?

Beller, how are you?

l'm good.

Hey, man.

Johno.

Hey, Greenberg,

what are you doing out here?

You know. . .

Hey, Beth.

Oh, my God. Hey.

Should l know?

Are you really

big or something?

No, Megan.

l didn't know

you were out here.

l wasn't.

(lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE)

How is Lenny?

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, dude, or what about

Your Grandma's P*ssy?

lt's like Anaconda,

with seven cards down.

l'm fair to middling.

You know.

Leonard Maltin would give me

two-and-a-half stars.

l haven't seen you since,

probably, like 1 0 years ago.

ln his movie guide.

Yeah, l think it was

actually Matt Levy's wedding.

l'm all shits

and giggles today.

Yeah. l think you'll find

l'm pretty much all shits.

lt's sad about Matt Levy.

Yeah.

Wait, what happened?

Oh, you didn't hear.

He died.

(EXHALES)

JOHNO:
Texas Hold 'em is dead.

BELLER:
lt's dead.

You know,

that sh*t just

makes your lips drier.

l know.

There's Beth.

BELLER:
She and Steven

are getting a divorce.

JOHNO:
They were

a cool couple.

Are any of those yours?

Yes, mine are the one

in the bumblebee costume

and the one in

the devil costume.

l think that's The Flash.

All the men out here

dress like children,

and the kids dress

like superheroes.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, sweet pea.

Come to think of it,

Steven's kind of a less

Jewish-looking version of you.

Less? l'm not even. . .

l'm only half.

Yeah,

but you're doing this.

What's. . .

l'm thinking small.

ls this a Jewish gesture?

l don't know.

Beller,

always with the self-hatred.

You're sweating.

l am. Yeah.

Have you been to

one of Eric's seders?

Eric gave trees to lsrael.

Am l not allowed

to joke about it?

No, l know. l'm just

saying, since you said

"less Jewish-looking,"

because most people

think l look ltalian.

And since my mom was

actually Protestant,

l'm not actually

Jewish at all, so. . .

Good to see you.

What are you

doing these days?

You're in New York, right?

Yeah.

Making music?

Haven't played

music in years.

l'm a carpenter,

you know, for money.

But right now,

l'm really trying

to do nothing for a while.

That's brave at our age.

l'm here for a few weeks

at my brother's,

and wanna have

a drink or something?

Um. . .

Sure. Okay.

ROGER:
"Dear Starbucks,

"in your attempt to

manufacture culture

out of fast-food coffee,

"you've been

surprisingly successful,

for the most part.

"The part that

isn't covered by

'the most part' sucks."

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

FLORENCE:
Hello?

Florence, hey,

it's Roger Greenberg.

Hi.

Sorry, l'm eating.

That's okay.

You wanna have

a drink or something?

Um...

Sure. Okay.

Um. . .

ls there a bar you

know we can go to?

There's one

near my apartment,

but it's pretty lame.

Okay.

lt's in Culver City.

Do you want to

meet me there?

l don't drive.

Those are all

kind of cheesy.

You have the light.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. . .

Do you mind if we

stop by my house?

l left my purse. Sorry.

Do you need it?

l still get carded.

l don't read enough.

l'm such a bad reader.

ls that you?

Yeah, it's one

of the rare times

l was actually

happy around my dad.

Did you do that?

No, that's my niece.

lt's good.

She's four.

l want to have

a relationship with her,

she's just not

that friendly with me.

You want to see?

l got her these

puppets for her birthday.

They might be too old.

They have sticks.

Yeah. l'm sure

they'll be fine.

What do you have to drink?

Um. . .

Oh.

Okay, you don't

want to go to the bar?

lt's Friday.

The bars are probably

full of bridge

and tunnel people.

Or whatever the LA version

of bridge and tunnel is.

Sorry.

l don't really have. . .

There's a Corona Light

and some cheap tequila

someone left here once.

Shall we split

the Corona?

Okay.

(HlCCUPS)

l get the hiccups

when l first

drink carbonation.

Don't worry about it.

l'm wearing kind

of an ugly bra.

lt's like an ACE bandage.

There's no clasp.

Do you hear a train?

ls that a train?

l get kind of nerdy.

Don't worry about it.

Can we take it slow?

l'm sorry,

it's just that. . .

l just got out of

a long relationship,

and l don't want to

go from just having sex

to just having sex

to just having sex.

Who's the third

"just having sex"?

You, if we had sex.

Okay,

then who's the second?

A guy l met at

this gallery thing.

You slept with him?

Yeah, l did.

How did that go?

What do you mean?

The sex?

Yeah. Well. . .

lt was pretty awkward.

What is that

on your lip?

What?

ls that a. . .

Nothing.

No, it's not a cold sore.

You sure?

Yeah, l picked it.

Where's your bathroom?

This is so annoying,

but l have to call

my friend, Gina, back.

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